topic wife has left me and feel ike just giving up in Relationship and family issues

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

sandokan — Sat, 14 Jun 2014 03:38:18 GMT

went to work three months ago on a friday morning, came home to an almost an empty house and my wife had left. Have since been told by her she has met someone 4 years ago and is with him and wants a divorce. I cant believe after 16 years of marriage she has gone and taken my life with her including my only child our 16 year son. I am so in shock and cannot face the world and just don't know how to get back up and live without her. I have nothing left in me i go to work and come home to an empty house and i am a real homebody and do not have any friends everything we did was with her family.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

Neil_1 — Sun, 15 Jun 2014 02:51:43 GMT

Dear Sandokan

Thank you for reaching out to Beyond Blue, coming here and providing us with your post.

I can't imagine how heart-breaking this must be for you - and that you've been battling through this for the last 3 months - what, by yourself?? As in, you indicated that you don't have many friends? What about your own family?? Are they close by?

When you say, empty house - has she pretty much up and taken almost everything??

Now I'm not overly into legal technicalities - I know we've definitely got one poster on here who should be able to advise about this - but at what age can a child decide who they would rather live with? To me that is a massive thing to take things out of the house, as well as your son and herself and not even say anything beforehand?

What support have you tried for yourself over the last couple of months or so? Have you been to a GP? I think in this instance counselling of some kind would be very beneficial, not only for your own mental health, but also some kind of advisement for how to approach the legal side of things.

I really do hope you can post back again soon,

Neil

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

--Danny-- — Sun, 15 Jun 2014 10:45:07 GMT

Hi sandokan, if u need support...I will try my best..

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

sandokan — Tue, 17 Jun 2014 12:49:15 GMT

i just don't know how to get on with my life i'm so alone and in shock.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

sandokan — Tue, 17 Jun 2014 12:52:24 GMT

i have spoken with a councilor friend and she has said take one day at a time - but my life has no meaning anymore i' m lost

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

CrashCoyote — Tue, 17 Jun 2014 13:17:19 GMT

Dear Sandokan,

As our good friend Neil has mentioned, thank you for reaching out to us.

I am twice divorced so have no good advice to give you on relationships, but I was a policeman for a long time and maybe it is me to whom Neil refers for advice. If it isn't, tough, here it comes anyway!!!!

My advice is based on my experience, not law enforcement. Policing deals with criminal law. This is Family Law. They sometimes cross but not so much.

First of all, I imagine that you understand that you cannot force your wife to come back. Right or wrong, fair or not, she has made her choice and I can only presume she thought about it long and hard, given the admission of the four year relationship.

I am a father, too. I am also imagining it is the situation with your son that is causing you the most heartache. (Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.) Is your relationship with him good? Of course, he will be struggling with this, too.

Are you able to see him? Is he still geographically close? Would she be against you seeing your son? I think the answers to these questions will help you determine whether you need a (very expensive but sometimes invaluable) Family Law specialist. Your son is two years off being an adult, so it is unlikely a Court will be able to force him to see you (or not) contrary to his own wishes.

Mate, divorce is always tough. Keep posting. I'll join the others here and watch out for your posts.

Kind regards, John.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

--Danny-- — Tue, 17 Jun 2014 13:23:11 GMT

Would be pretty hard for ya mate...can u still have regular contact with your son? Have u been to the doctors & told them how u feel? They might be able to get u more support..u have a whole new bunch of mates here now mate..talk to us about anything...stay strong for your son mate!!

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

sandokan — Thu, 19 Jun 2014 12:12:36 GMT

my son tends to be very quiet and shy and not really say a lot. I have also realized she has been getting my son to lie to me about what has been going on and he appears to be really upset about this. He has my mobile number i have told him to ring me when he wants to, but have left it up to him due to my ex putting pressure on him to lie.

Have not heard from her or my son now for a bout 3 weeks and i am trying to move on but can't stop thinking about her and what she is doing, I don't what to be alone but have not had to date for over 17 years now and can;t even face going out by myself.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

--Danny-- — Thu, 19 Jun 2014 13:20:51 GMT

Hi mate, just pick up the phone & call your son..don't lose contact with him...he will appreciate it..especially when his parents are in this situation...your son can be your best mate

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

geoff — Thu, 19 Jun 2014 14:36:09 GMT

dear Sandokan, I can't say how sorry I am for you, because I have been through this myself about 2 or 3 times, where my wife (ex) took the two boys and left while I was working, and to come home and no one was there.

The feeling leaves a big hole in your heart and your gut drops a million miles.

Was there any indication that she was seeing this guy 4 years ago, or whether your son had known.

There is every chance that your wife has changed the sim card on your son's phone, which makes it even more difficult to cope with.

Can I ask you a question, and please don't answer this if you don't want to, but would you take her back considering that this has been going on for awhile.

After we have been married for so long then how do we date again, it's a big hurdle to overcome and it can be done but with a bit of stipulation and a little help, or you can be like myself and just have a dog to be a close friend. Geoff.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

white knight — Thu, 19 Jun 2014 16:08:27 GMT

Hi Sandokan,

Thanks for having the courage to write your story.

As to the question of kids living with either parent my daughter left her home at 12 to live with me. I checked out the legal side of things and although it can be complex (and costly) no one will force a child to return to the other parent. eg a childs wishes are paramount.

In this situation Sandokan, your son will be 18 soon and an adult. I'd let him know that you dont blame him for lying to you at all. Put his mind at ease. When the time is right ask him if he like to go to the footy one Friday night or similar event???

The legal hurdles including mandatory mediation will take some time. Please, its easier on you to accept this and not hold false hopes on a quick resolution. But it doesnt mean you cant have dreams and goals. Once a goal is set it gives you direction. For me in 1997 it was buying a block of land to build my own home. I did other things to like fly model aircraft and expand my friendship base.Ever wanted to own a log cabin in the hills? Or travel New Zealand? Or buy a motorcycle? Surely there is an interest and a goal?

And Geoff mentioned a dog. If you havent got one then go and buy one. I'd recommend a mini fox terrier. A good reason to go for walks and you never know if you'll bump into other dog owners.

Stay positive. Do what I did in 1996. Looked into the mirror and said out loud "you are a good man, you are worthy of someone new, you will rise above all the odds". And time is a great healer. Good luck and keep us posted.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

sandokan — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 10:58:02 GMT

i actually thought about that the other day, what if she telephoned me and said it was a big mistake would i go back to her - all the lies and sleeping with another man - how could you every look or hold someone like that again.

i hope i meet someone someday who will love me for me and i can move on like she has.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

--Danny-- — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 11:30:50 GMT

Good luck mate, I hope it all works out for u

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

geoff — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 14:13:13 GMT

dear Sandokan, if this did happen it would put in a difficult situation, and although you may really want her back, my answer is NO.

There's an old saying 'once they have done it once before, the odds of her doing it again are extremely high'.

The idea of her wanting to return is just so that she has a roof over her head, and as soon as someone comes anywhere near her she will be off again.

It won't be a trustworthy marriage, she will tell you lies, and you will never know what is going on in the background.

I wouldn't take her back. Geoff.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

Struggler — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 23:21:34 GMT

Hi Sandokan

I am with Geoff 100%. History is a pretty good indicator of future behaviour. Don't take her back.

Your son will come looking for you one day and that day won't be too far away. He is 16 and he'll start to question and think for himself. Soon he'll be able to judge for himself. Meanwhile try keep in touch with whatever means you have, such as Facebook or email. So Facebook does have its use sometimes. He might not reply immediately but he will.

Just allow yourself to grief then move on. Please know that you will meet someone who deserves you.

Struggler

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

JBV — Tue, 04 Jul 2017 18:33:03 GMT

Hi Sandokan,

I hope you are doing ok. I am going through a similar situation. I was married for 6 years, and we have a beautiful daughter and a house together. And just after having our first baby, wife decides to leave the house, and she says she don't like to live with me. I am confused, if it is post natal depression, or if she planned this separation long before, or something else.

She took my daughter overseas, left baby with her mother and came back to Australia. We don't talk much. But I message her, asking about my daughter, about when she is planning to bring my baby back. There is no response. And as India is not part of Hague Convention, I am not sure what I can do.

So I am now left alone paying for the mortgage and other bills all by myself. My wife was all I had, she was my wife, my friend, my partner, my world, my everything. Now I am just not sure about the future.

In your case, your wife atleast told you that she is having an affair, but in my case my wife is not communicating, so I don't really know why this separation is happening.

I keep myself busy with doing physical exercises, gardening, walking my dog etc. But once the legal battle begins in the court for property and our child, I don't know how I am going to cope.

Take care. Stay positive. Stay strong. Cheers.

wife has left me and feel ike just giving up

white knight — Tue, 04 Jul 2017 23:33:49 GMT

Great advice JBV

There is a great organisation called "dads in distress".

Contact them. They even have articles on facebook.

People that refuse to communicate are cruel. You did nothing wrong. She is disrespecting you and your daughter.

Yes, you also stay strong and get through the property and family law court saga. Once its over you will cope. You will be your own soldier.

Well done

Tony WK