topic Re: Partner Emotionally Cheated in Relationship and family issues

Partner Emotionally Cheated

Guest_72269643 — Sat, 04 Jul 2026 05:19:54 GMT

I found out 3 months ago my fiance cheated on me by sexting a woman we worked with, at the same time I’d just had our second child.

We have had a lot of conflict in our relationship more so after having our first, he seemed attention from elsewhere as a form of “escapism” (in his words).

For the past 3 months I have struggled so much with hyserarousal with my emotions, I feel I am constantly ruminating about what I saw and how it made me feel. I find my emotions can come out quiet erratic and obsessive and I’ve become quiet spiteful.

We are trying to sort it out but the healing process is constantly blocked by him, he constantly tells me to “get over it now” and to “try move on” from it all. He has zero understanding of my emotions despite me expanding that I am experiencing signs of PTSD (prev diagnosis).
I feel this keeps pushing my healing journey back that he is not acknowledging.

I just feel so lost.

I know what i need to do but im mourning the relationship i had with him, and mourning the loss of myself.

Re: Partner Emotionally Cheated

white knight — Sat, 04 Jul 2026 06:03:06 GMT

Hi, welcome

You must be feeling disappointed and betrayed. Sexting imo is one step from an affair and it would be an affair if the other person invited him somewhere, where it would play out. If there's no "I'm not interested, I'm happily married with kids" answer then its a closed case of infidelity. Trust is the number one. Once gone you'll always wonder and as a community champion here there's no possibility in sugar coating it.

I get amused by the comments "get over it" or similar. Everyone has rights and everyone has different tolerances. Its a pity he hasn't said- "I did wrong and im going to restore trust as long as it takes."

So what now? Well i think counselling is crucial as he needs to feel the full impact of his actions to safeguard your future. If you get admitted to hospital you'd want to know he's trusted.

I suggest with two little kids and plenty on atm, best to carry on as normal, seek counselling and recover mentally in your own time, you have that right. Most important not to allow him to make you responsible for not trusting him. Its his doing. Period.

BTW if he chooses not to go to counselling, go alone to learn coping strategies but if he wants to know the details withhold them. He can find out when he attends.

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion - Beyond Blue Forums - 146164 https://share.google/zYylXkrdBscmVCrTp

TonyWK

Re: Partner Emotionally Cheated

Flowtoserenity — Sat, 04 Jul 2026 18:06:21 GMT

Hi there. Just a thought ok, you can still love each other without stress, and at the moment because you are letting him control your flow or your freedom its causing you both more stress to amplify. The anxiety may make you sick spiraling depression and hormone disorders. My feelings, take a break and sort you and your self worth out with the freedom of choice as you, and you are priceless existing too. Don't accept anything less or less compassion and respect than you give, so keeping your respect too. Sometimes using an opposite scenario like you'd traded places for a sec helps the look or view. Hope it helps. Don't let anyone try to change with words what you know between the lines to be real haha. Be real to you. Living to love freely and when is your right. Best wishes 2 you two.

Re: Partner Emotionally Cheated

therising — Sat, 04 Jul 2026 21:31:11 GMT

A very warm welcome to you at a time in your life where you feel so betrayed while struggling to make sense of the way forward.

When someone advises 'You just need to get over it?', it's worth doing a bit of an assessment. Kinda like does this thing I need to 'get over' resemble a speed hump, a hurdle or does it equate (mentally and emotionally) to an Olympic grade high jump or pole vault. If it's the last, those things are enormously high and require a lot of strategy and skill. Imagine that, standing in front of one of those and someone saying to you 'Go on, just get over it'. When we ask 'How do I get over it?', the response is often the same, 'I don't know'. Hmmm🤔

Let's scrap 'You need to get over it' and replace that with 'How do I move through it?'. How to move through unfamiliar territory on our life's path? There can be a number of ways to do it. Tony mentions one, guidance counseling. I can relate to what he says about going alone, if your partner won't go. Did that myself many years ago when my husband wouldn't attend. I got a lot out of it. Another form of guidance could involve how other people have managed that territory, from personal experience. People who have been there, are much further down the path and have tips for navigating. Another form of guidance could involve online research. No matter what, guidance becomes key. You've never been in this place before, so why would you automatically know how to navigate through it.

Something really important worth considering is the question 'Is my partner one of my guides, one of my 'go to' people when it comes to navigating through this?'. While my husband is reliable when it comes to a number of things in life, I can't rely on him to help me navigate my way through mental, emotional and soulful territory in the ways that I need him to. Having gradually learned this over the years, I don't waste time going to him for that kind of stuff but I do have my 'go to' people. I hope, with you coming here, you find some guides. I must say, just recently I found Tony to be a brilliant guide in regard to a significant challenge I face in my life at this time.

If your partner is someone who's more inclined to find ways of escaping significant mental and emotional challenges in the relationship, rather than facing them, working through them with you and helping evolve the relationship, it's really worth him learning life skills in this area. If your way of managing challenges in the relationship involves wanting to talk things out, make greater sense of them and evolve through them and his way of managing involves finding ways to escape what's seriously uncomfortable, that's a problem in itself. This involves one person doing all the heavy mental and emotional lifting in the relationship on their own. If you can visualise one of those big cardboard boxes holding heavy flat pack furniture, there's that symbol on the side indicating a 2 person lift. There are some challenges in a relationship that are definitely a 2 person lift. Your partner needs to step up and help with this one because you're seriously struggling.

Re: Partner Emotionally Cheated

white knight — Sun, 05 Jul 2026 02:58:31 GMT

The Rising

Re "Let's scrap 'You need to get over it' and replace that with 'How do I move through it?'. How to move through unfamiliar territory on our life's path?"

I'll use that one.

"You need to get over it" is like "harden up" and "chill mate". All these short sharp jabs can be humiliating when, due to many valid reasons, we dont have the capacity to do so.

So reversing this, choose an ability we have that they dont eg running. You arrive back from a 20km run, they say "gee thats a long way" with "just get over it" branded on your brain you say "just do it.. like I have to just get over it" then clarify, that moving on for us is as hard as him running beside you for 20km.

To the OP , google- beyond blue wit, the only answer to torment

Outsmarting him is reverse humiliation, it equals the playing field.

TonyWK