Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

Earth Girl — Thu, 11 Jun 2026 05:00:34 GMT

My parents are weird about food. They get angry when people eat from McDonalds and my mum says they are poisoning themselves and are stupid. My mum won't shut up about her weight and thinks that everyone is thinking about it when nobody gives a crap. Only my dad says things to her about it, and I try to get him to stop. My mum is allowed to eat lots of junk food, but if I eat any junk food at all, she thinks I shouldn't even though she eats so much more of it than me and she holds on to what I eat even if I just eat something small and makes a big deal about it. When my nephew comes over, my mum makes passive aggressive remarks about me to him all the time and I keep nicely asking her to stop and telling her that I don't like it and every time she says she won't do it again not because she regrets it, but because she's trying to get out of it and then she soon does it again. She knows what she's doing but won't stop.

Today, she asked me what I was eating and I said I was eating vegetables with cheese and she said to my nephew "Earth Girl eats a lot of cheese" which she knew I wouldn't like her saying. I told her she was being passive aggressive and she said "Okay, I won't do it again. It was just a joke." I told her it was still passive aggressive and my sister said that she was just trying to say sorry (which she wasn't, she was trying to get out of it), but since my sister is allowed to argue with mum all the time in front of me, but I'm not allowed to do that, I just said okay.

When my sister and nephew left, I said to my mum can you please try harder to not be passive aggressive because you never stop and she said "Okay, I will. I sort of thought we already talked about this." I said I wasn't allowed to say my piece and I explained to her that she wouldn't like it if I said to my nephew in front of her, "Grandma eats so much junk food" and she said "No, I would not like that" and then I said then stop doing it to me and then she said "Well, that was rude too" and then I said that I was RETALIATING because I have heard this crap from her for years and I never say anything about what she does and she says stuff that is just as mean and stuff that is meaner than that about me all the time and that I hated her and I've been wanting to say that for years, but I've held it back all this time.

It sounds bad to say that she eats a lot of junk food, but it's okay when she says things meaner than that about me all the time and she's not even doing it out of retaliation, she just does it because it doesn't hurt HER, but when you retaliate, then she thinks you're the rude one. I've been putting up with this for ages.

She gets mad at other people for being fat or eating any junk food and she puts people down for it even though she does the same thing and often worse and you're the one in the wrong if you finally say anything back.

Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

blues23 — Thu, 11 Jun 2026 07:29:36 GMT

Hi earth girl

good on you for standing up for yourself with ur mum , I don’t have much advice your trying to set boundaries but your mum is not respecting them and it sounds like your sister is enabling her.

Do u have any other support around you ? If not you may have to set larger boundaries and reinforce them with actions such as leaving the house or going to your room or a safe place when your mum starts being passive aggressive and rude and reinforce those boundaries such as mum you are being passive aggressive and if u continue I’m going to go to my room or outside or whatever until she gets the message each time give her the reason & leave the room or conversation.

some people won’t change and would rather blame others for their reaction to their behaviour ( this is also manipulation & gaslighting behaviours )

there’s nothing wrong with with take away or veggies and cheese ??? Cheese is a dairy element and completely healthy

maybe get your mum some books on healthy eating and the damaging effects of picking on someone for what they choose to eat …

topic Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops in Relationship and family issues

Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops