topic Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops in Relationship and family issues

Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

Earth Girl — Thu, 11 Jun 2026 05:00:34 GMT

My parents are weird about food. They get angry when people eat from McDonalds and my mum says they are poisoning themselves and are stupid. My mum won't shut up about her weight and thinks that everyone is thinking about it when nobody gives a crap. Only my dad says things to her about it, and I try to get him to stop. My mum is allowed to eat lots of junk food, but if I eat any junk food at all, she thinks I shouldn't even though she eats so much more of it than me and she holds on to what I eat even if I just eat something small and makes a big deal about it. When my nephew comes over, my mum makes passive aggressive remarks about me to him all the time and I keep nicely asking her to stop and telling her that I don't like it and every time she says she won't do it again not because she regrets it, but because she's trying to get out of it and then she soon does it again. She knows what she's doing but won't stop.

Today, she asked me what I was eating and I said I was eating vegetables with cheese and she said to my nephew "Earth Girl eats a lot of cheese" which she knew I wouldn't like her saying. I told her she was being passive aggressive and she said "Okay, I won't do it again. It was just a joke." I told her it was still passive aggressive and my sister said that she was just trying to say sorry (which she wasn't, she was trying to get out of it), but since my sister is allowed to argue with mum all the time in front of me, but I'm not allowed to do that, I just said okay.

When my sister and nephew left, I said to my mum can you please try harder to not be passive aggressive because you never stop and she said "Okay, I will. I sort of thought we already talked about this." I said I wasn't allowed to say my piece and I explained to her that she wouldn't like it if I said to my nephew in front of her, "Grandma eats so much junk food" and she said "No, I would not like that" and then I said then stop doing it to me and then she said "Well, that was rude too" and then I said that I was RETALIATING because I have heard this crap from her for years and I never say anything about what she does and she says stuff that is just as mean and stuff that is meaner than that about me all the time and that I hated her and I've been wanting to say that for years, but I've held it back all this time.

It sounds bad to say that she eats a lot of junk food, but it's okay when she says things meaner than that about me all the time and she's not even doing it out of retaliation, she just does it because it doesn't hurt HER, but when you retaliate, then she thinks you're the rude one. I've been putting up with this for ages.

She gets mad at other people for being fat or eating any junk food and she puts people down for it even though she does the same thing and often worse and you're the one in the wrong if you finally say anything back.

Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

blues23 — Thu, 11 Jun 2026 07:29:36 GMT

Hi earth girl

good on you for standing up for yourself with ur mum , I don’t have much advice your trying to set boundaries but your mum is not respecting them and it sounds like your sister is enabling her.

Do u have any other support around you ? If not you may have to set larger boundaries and reinforce them with actions such as leaving the house or going to your room or a safe place when your mum starts being passive aggressive and rude and reinforce those boundaries such as mum you are being passive aggressive and if u continue I’m going to go to my room or outside or whatever until she gets the message each time give her the reason & leave the room or conversation.

some people won’t change and would rather blame others for their reaction to their behaviour ( this is also manipulation & gaslighting behaviours )

there’s nothing wrong with with take away or veggies and cheese ??? Cheese is a dairy element and completely healthy

maybe get your mum some books on healthy eating and the damaging effects of picking on someone for what they choose to eat …

Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

Earth Girl — Sat, 13 Jun 2026 03:48:20 GMT

Hi blues23, thank you so much for your support! I was just wanting to feel heard because it makes me feel less alone and there isn't much you can do with people who act like this. Your reply made me feel a lot better.

I always talk nicely to my parents when they do things like this about how it hurts my feelings, but they continue being rude, so I eventually lose it and then they act like they are the ones who are being wronged. Sometimes my mum will angrily say "Let's just leave it and we'll come back to it later on!" and then I say, "Just say it nicely!" and she just keeps getting mad with me instead of just nicely asking if we can come back to it. If I told her that she was being rude and that I'm going to leave, she wouldn't even care and she'd just go on her computer or continue talking to someone else as though nothing happened.

She dismissed everything I said to her about how she hurt my feelings. A bit after that she told me she was going to the club, and she would see me later. In the evening, she came to me and asked me if I wanted to talk to her about what happened with dad with us and I said okay even though I knew dad would just make excuses for her and not be able to see it from my side at all.

She then told dad that this morning, she said to my nephew that "Eart Girl likes her cheese" and that really annoyed me that she remembered it like that because it makes what she did seem a lot more innocent, but I politely told her she said that I eat a lot of cheese and when I told her that she was being passive aggressive, she said it again and then later on she said it was a joke though, etc. Then we told him about the conversation in the kitchen and she said to dad "I haven't brought this up before, but you did swear and you have done this before and I don't usually say anything about it, but it's rude" and I said that I swore because I was HURT like the other times I have sworn. I also said that the reason why she said "Well, I thought that was rude" was because I retaliated by saying she eats a lot of junk food" and she said, "no, that's not why I said that!" I said then why did you say that then? Was it because I swore at you? then she said "No! It was um... it was the over-emotion coming from you that I couldn't take" then I said that is not why you said that! And she said "It wasn't that!" I asked her what it was if it wasn't the comment, the swearing or the emotion like she said it was before and she said "Ugh, I don't get this!" and left the room.

Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

Earth Girl — Sat, 13 Jun 2026 03:49:01 GMT

Dad then said to me "You have to understand that it hurts to be sworn at though." I then angrily said to him that I had the right to in this case because she won't stop bullying me instead of just apologizing and taking accountability for once and everyone has limits and since she never stops, she crossed mine! He then said "Hmm, I see."

She often gives me the silent treatment to get out of things instead of talking things through, then I get mad and then she gets mad at me and acts like I'm in the wrong.

She later on said "I understand that you were swearing and emotional because you were upset, but..." then I got mad at her again and said that she was putting it back on me. She then said "I'm not putting it back on you!" then I said you are you just don't realize it or want to admit it!

We continued talking and she said "Okay, well, I'm sorry and I really don't think I will do this again" (which I have heard many times before). She said she doesn't know why she makes these dumb comments (even though I keep telling her I don't like it). I told her that it was because she doesn't care about my feelings and she got mad at me. Then dad said "Well, sometimes when I am nervous, I make comments like that" I said to him, NO, you and mum aren't nervous, you're just rude!

Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

Earth Girl — Sat, 13 Jun 2026 03:49:37 GMT

Later on, my mum and dad semi-listened to me and said how do we make a good apology? (Instead of just saying in an angry tone "I'm sorry, I won't do it again.") I explained to them in detail (like I have done many times) and later on they gave me another meaningless apology and I told them that it didn't make me feel better and so mum asked again how do we make a good apology and I told her again (I asked her if she remembered what I said earlier, and she said no). Just when we had almost finished the conversation, she said, "I'm getting kind of fed up!" then I got mad and said I feel the same way, but you are the reason why we are here then she got mad and I said stop it! Stop it! then she started crying and said "stop it!" as well and then I explained to her why I was so upset and told her not to do that when she was the one being rude and we could have finished this conversation ages ago if she just nicely apologized. She then gave an apology that wasn't as bad as before so I said thank you because I couldn't take it anymore and she said thanks. She came up to me a bit afterwards and said "Look how green this jumper is" as though nothing had just happened. I said to her that I was just feeling a bit tired after the conversation and she said "Yeah, me too."

My family and I have issues with narcissism, but only my younger sister and I can see it.

Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

blues23 — Sat, 13 Jun 2026 05:03:22 GMT

I hope things get better for you , keep setting your boundaries, keep yourself safe . Narcissistic behaviour is a big problem and often these personalities don’t change but continue to mask and attack you in more subtle ways . It’s all about control and control over you and your emotions the less you react the less control they have the more power you have . The best thing to remember in these situations is your reaction to their behaviour is not the problem, the problem is their behaviour. And the fact u can see them the true them is the thing that really bothers them . I hope things get better for you soon .

Re: Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

Earth Girl — Sat, 13 Jun 2026 07:07:02 GMT

Thanks so much blues23! ❤️