My adult son has wiped me from his life

Guest_32272477 — Sun, 07 Jun 2026 07:18:05 GMT

I’m a grown woman remarried & 3 children and 2 grandchildren .
I’ve lost a grown child 8yrs ago & have 1 with very bad mental health issues who lives with us . My children suffered childhood trauma from their father ‘ my ex ‘ my oldest son has 2 children & a partner who has never liked me . I’ve been a very good mother and a wife & have tried to love her and be nice and have always put them first . My daughter was ill for over 20 yrs before passing . I’ve tried with my daughter in law but I know my son has tried begged done everything he could to keep her happy. They came to my house last yr and my daughter in law was really off and it felt really wrong . I was in the dark … long story but I asked them to leave when I heard her talking negatively to my 8 yr old GD about me . I asked them all to leave .. my son has since separated from her & she’s being very toxic about my whole family . She has shouted and screamed and hit me over the years and I’ve always forgiven her ‘ no apology of course ‘ but I love them and always see the best in her knowing she has problems . My son refuses to talk to me now and in a very bad mediation with her . I feel sick that he has cut me out . It’s coming up to a year since they were here . I’m so trapped in thinking he’s blaming me for a failed relationship .. or angry with us both ? I only ever stood up for myself and put in boundaries . Please someone help me …

Re: My adult son has wiped me from his life

white knight — Mon, 08 Jun 2026 00:36:23 GMT

Hi, welcome

Every estranged family situation is different, but I sympathise with you as I've had my own. Briefly- I have 2 daughters, the eldest came to live with me at 12yo and is now 36 with a baby. My youngest followed the demonising of me by her mother and for years cut me off, made up again every 2 years until for mental safety I cut her off 6 years ago. Our only means of communication was facebook so she could control when to remove me by blocking so thats how I did it. The pain of her absence is huge and ongoing but the peace is there now, no dramas. I have issues like bipolar so I have to care for myself for the benefit of other family members.

So that is important- self care. As parents we tend to tolerate a lot of adverse behaviour. Your DIL sounds like its impossible to avoid conflict and its normal to wonder why but not find a reason so there can be some guilt on our part searching for what we could have done wrong. In my experience there are hidden factors in these situations- jealousy is a big one for DIL's to their partners mother or visa versa. Someyimes its not getting the 100% attention, like the DIL has to share their partner or in other cases the son/daughter has demonised the parent to the inlaw and the inlaw feels its their responsibility to fight for them. What ever the reason its THEIR PROBLEM if they choose not to meet you half way to discuss it and find mutual ground. But where does that leave you with your son?

Life has a way of being cruel. It sounds to me that you are a caring mum that has had to juggle family health issues plus this estrangement and that can at time feel intolerable. So these are the ways I've introduced to my mind how to make it a little easier-

Accepting that you have no control over others decisions
Finding a hobby, sport or interest that leads to some exhaustion so you sleep better and are distracted.
Set aside photos of the person so you are reducing reminders. We remind ourselves enough with intrusive thoughts of them
Send a card once a year. "I am here" can be enough to trigger them into returning. The moment they do try to be anti dramatic, friendly and laugh a bit over antics they did when little. Cry though if you want and express love. Dont mention DIL unless he does. Keep calm
Allocate time by yourself once a week to just think of them no distractions. 20 minutes?
Self praise https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

"when estrangement occurs you still have the best part- your memories cannot be removed... no one can do that to you, cherish them and hold them as you run into the sunset..." (TonyWK)

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TonyWK

topic My adult son has wiped me from his life in Relationship and family issues

My adult son has wiped me from his life

Re: My adult son has wiped me from his life