topic What is wrong with us. in Relationship and family issues

What is wrong with us.

Guest_23898152 — Sat, 06 Jun 2026 12:30:21 GMT

I am so upset with my husband

I have two small children and ive never truly felt supported. The most recent issue relates to how he treats me....he has sworn at me on multiple occasions, today he called me a miserable pos. Infront of my small children. I simply said we were going to be late if we dont hurry up and tidy up bbreakfast.I am constantly baffled about how he speaks to me and wonder what happened to him to believe is okay to do that. When he speaks to me like this I often walk away and cry because I don't want to get upset in front of the children. I so am embarrassed about his he speaks to me. I've told him many times that I dont like it and it upsets me and its not okay and how would he feel if someone spoke to our daughter that way. And it falls on deaf ears. He tells me I've been in a bad mood for months ever since he last told me to eff off. Naturally ive not really wanted to engage in much conversation because of the way hes spoken to me. And hes basicaly told me its my fault that he speaks to me that way. He simply has no compassion and no empathy and not once has he ever apologised.

...ever. I am always in a rush to get the kids to school, to do chores etc so at times I probably am short and sharp because we are in a rush, and I am frustrated that I have to do everything myself,while he dilly dallys around, plays on his.phone, while im clearly stressed managing everything, he has no sense of urgency and no initiative when if comes to household tasks. I am a stay at home mum so I know this is my responsibility but i have to clean up after the children and him and it feels like he us the 3rd child. Tonight I confronted him after he had a go at me for not closing the windows when I had lit the house fire, he called me ignorant, and hes sick of telling me to close windows (by the way I always shut the kids room up to keep the cold out) but our room gets warm so.i like the window open, anyway its incorrect in his book but I don't think it warrants him swearing at me, being disrespectful. Anyway ive gone to bed upset and he sends me a reel of how a woman makes a man feel so exhausted by not using a warm tone and kindness.....and I am truly mortified 1. Because he chooses to communicate that way wheb he won't have an adult conversation and 2. Because that is utter crap, you've just called me a pos and told.me to eff off and im clearly upset and hes annoyed at me because im not using a warm kind tone...... oh my goodness. I am just mortified. Im deeply embarrassed that he treats me this way.

Re: What is wrong with us.

therising — Sat, 06 Jun 2026 19:19:46 GMT

A very warm welcome to you at a time in your life where you face so many challenges all rolled into one, especially relationship challenges. I feel so much for you.❤️

I think the friendship factor in just about any relationship is key. Whether it involves the relationship with our partner, our kids, other relatives or the register operator we often see at the local supermarket, there need to be elements of friendship in order for a relationship to work well. It was about 20 years into my marriage when a massive revelation hit and I said to my husband 'I don't think we've ever been really good friends. We just started going out together and got a long really well and stayed together'. We're still together by the way, in some capacity. There were signs or red flags along the way that pointed to us not being really good friends. The disrespect at times, the disinterest in developing communication and resolving issues, the lack of support in certain really challenging times etc etc. Of course even the best of friends will have their ups and downs and the occasional falling out but they end up constructively evolving through the challenges they face.

The reason for mentioning the friendship factor relates to the foundation of any relationship. I think we can question our own behaviour and the behaviour of our partner based on the foundation. The question becomes 'Is this a basic friendship or a deep and soulful friendship, a friendship that's going through its ups and downs or one that never really formed in the ways that it should or could have or is it one where, put to the test, is failing in different areas?' etc etc. It can also involve questioning what we'll tolerate and not tolerate in a friendship.

Over time, our roles in life can change. We can go from being friends to being partners to being parents to being the income earner or the stay at home mum etc. They're roles we are appointed, we appoint others or we appoint ourself. While we can maintain a lot of those roles, at some stage we can face a dis-appointment of a role, a disappointment we can feel in many ways. Through hindsight there can also be the revelation that our partner never accepted a role to begin with, we just assumed they would. Whether we appointed them the role of 'He/she who helps manage getting the kids ready' or 'He/she who never treats me in thoughtless unfeeling ways', did they ever agree to fill it? There comes a point where a clarification of roles is what's needed. Could sound something like 'Decide whether you're going to fill the role of 'my supportive friend and partner' or the role of 'my soul destroyer'. Let me know which one you're going to fill'. A little dramatic perhaps but a fair question nonetheless in some cases. I smile when I mention 'grown-up roles'. We could question someone with 'Are you going to accept the grown up role of 'He/she who manages conflict without swearing' or do you prefer to manage like an undisciplined 12 year old with a potty mouth?'😁 Btw, there are plenty of 12 year olds out there with great self control.

Salute to all 12 year olds with great self control and all stay at home mums facing mind altering challenges 😊

Re: What is wrong with us.

blues23 — Sat, 06 Jun 2026 22:01:26 GMT

Hi guest

I’m sorry you are going through this .
basic respect in any relationship is so important, name calling , swearing, is not ok certainly as adults we all loose our temper at times but when u can see it’s hurting the other person you apologise

blaming you for how he treats you and your reaction to how he treats you is also not ok ( this can be manipulative & gaslighting . eg ; they reverse what they did to u and blame u for your reaction to their behaviour)

have u considered counselling or something to assist with your family situation and feelings ? 1800 respect has good resources

naturally u wouldn’t want to communicate with a person who tells u to eff off calls u a pos it’s hurtful to be called that and I’m sorry that you have to deal with that behaviour , set boundaries for yourself with your husband disrespectful behaviour is never acceptable especially from loved ones.
amazing how he sends u a reel of how a woman with warm tones makes a man feel ( sorry if I were u I’d send him a reel back about manipulation and name calling & how treating a wife badly makes her feel amazing he has no insight into how he treats u ). It depends on how safe u feel confronting him & how safe u feel reflecting his behaviour back at him . If he’s an emotionally abusive person which it seems like he is with no empathy or remorse for his behaviours it can become very difficult to reflect his behaviour back at him . My only advice is to stay safe, seek advice, set boundaries, u deserve to be happy and treated with respect and love and what you have experienced is definitely not ok