topic gettibg help in Relationship and family issues

gettibg help

lxlliipop — Thu, 14 May 2026 13:39:04 GMT

hello! im lollipop and i really struggle with opening up. These recent weeks i believe ive built up too much pressure and stress on myself and it's been feeling foggy and numb (only when im alone but otherwise happy). I dont know how to reach out for help, i worry that it'll crush my friends to know that i'm struggling and i hate the attention of it as well. All the people i feel comfortable enough to reach out to have their own problems that i know of as they have come to me for help and comfort. Ive managed to actually send messages to my friends but i always end up deleting them and making an excuse for pings. Genuinely how do i get myself to open up to others without feeling disgusted? ☹️☹️

Re: gettibg help

white knight — Fri, 15 May 2026 06:07:13 GMT

HI, welcome

Yes, in this modern society its quite different to the middle of last century. People are busy and not as attuned to others struggles as they used to be.

It is kind of you to take an interest in others struggles and your relationships will become closer as time goes on because of your empathy, the issue become though, why arent they returning the empathy? A few reasons-

Not all people are empathetic but they might be kind and caring.
A best of friends asks questions of others like "how are you"? and notice changes "you dont look ok, is everything alright"?
Expand your friendships because the more people you meet the greater chance of meeting more compatible people hopefully with empathy.
People are busy now, its why counsellors, therapists are sometimes better to go to seek guidance.
Seeking friends help its best to directly ask a question... "Hi Jane, can you advise me on something? see you know family stuff better than me so if your brother criticised your makeup techniques how would you take it"? you might be surprised with their answers. This technique is like - direct query/praise/question and advice all in one question.

If you feel like an introvert or you have hurdles in speaking to people, thats not unusual, we cant all be social butterflies. Remember though, people like praise, asking them questions like have you got the weekend free for family? which is what I ask cashiers, they generally like chatting as it breaks up their day. Practice makes perfect.

"Breaking the ice with people isnt all difficult... only the first dozen words" TonyWK

TonyWK

Re: gettibg help

therising — Sat, 16 May 2026 11:16:41 GMT

Hi lollipop

I'm not sure if will be of any help but I've found approaching things with a sense of wonder has made a big difference to me being able to open up to others. For example, instead of saying 'I feel depressed in my life at the moment', I might say 'I can't help but wonder why I feel depressed in my life at the moment. Do you have any ideas?'. This kind of approach tends to get others wondering. Wonderful (wonder filled) people will open their mind and start to wonder, while offering an array of possibilities. In that list of possibilities, which ever thing I feel on that list as being a factor will lead me to become more conscious of a need to explore it.

I find it far more constructive to have people wonder with me, as opposed to them simply feeling sorry or sorrow for me. I'm a gal who can feel enough sorrow for herself at times. I more so need people to take me out of that state of sorrow and into a state of wonder. I should add that there's nothing wrong with feeling sorrow or compassion for ourself (it can be an expression of self love) but when it becomes ongoing it can tend to keep us more stuck in that state, a state where much needed revelations aren't free to come to mind. With an open minded sense of wonder, revelations are free to enter. If we want answers, it pays to become curious or just plain wonder-full.