topic Re: Adult child is a sex offender in Relationship and family issues

Adult child is a sex offender

MaggiePie — Sat, 25 Apr 2026 21:36:03 GMT

My son is the oldest of 6 kids. He has always been very independent and not listened to much advice over the years, believing his way is better. He has adhd and is a compulsive liar. His own dad has next to nothing to do with him.

He moved out for the first time when he was 18. Came back and left a few times after that. During one of the times he was moved out, he met a girl and got her pregnant. The mother has taken the baby away and we have no contact.

He does it again. Falls for the wrong girl (nothing bad about her, just not right for each other), gets her pregnant and they break up. We also have zero contact with this baby.

Not knowing my grandbabies is hard enough but after recent discoveries, I don’t know if I have now lost my son as well.

For about 6 months, he was staying with a family friend and her 2 teenage girls. I said numerous times that he needs to get a place with people his own age. I was told repeatedly that it was working having him there to help. He was 22 by this stage.

Then he moves out and one of the teenage girls accuses my son of sexual assualt . I instantly had my son’s support. Surely he wouldn’t do something like that. She is the same age as his little sister!

Then he gets refused bail. Yes, I know this should have been a huge red flag but I still had a sliver of hope that he didn’t do it.

Last week I get a call from a parole officer, who was so so kind to me, who explained exactly what has been going on. He is guilty. He is on the child sex offenders registry.

I broke down. I have 5 kids under 18 in my house. He can’t come here again. I somehow have to tell my kids that they can’t have contact with their big brother. I have to somehow tell a select few family members (like my parents). I have to somehow figure out how to still have a relationship with someone whose actions I wholeheartedly disagree with yet I still love. He is my son. My first born, the one who changed me.

I don’t know what to do or what to think. I don’t know how to handle this or how to move forward. I can’t stop crying.

I haven’t heard from him directly in 6 weeks now. He has sentencing coming up in a few weeks and I don’t know if I can/should go. But I also know that if I don’t go, chances are I won’t find out the truth.

Re: Adult child is a sex offender

Croix — Sun, 26 Apr 2026 12:54:12 GMT

Dear MaggiePie~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here to the Forum, a place where many have faced impossible situations as do you now.

It is only human to be a mother and love an offspring, no matter what they do, and heart-breaking at the same time try to protect the welfare of your other children. To love a child yet condemn what they do is terribly hard. I would not be surprised at how you feel, maybe guilt at raising this person, maybe thinking if only you had done something different.

Also fear of what is going to happen to him, and of isolation due to the nature of the offense.

You have a very kind nature, as I can see from your description of the second mother, and I suspect very sensitive too. You are realistic about your son and that may help in time.

I can not realy advise what you say to you other children, in my own case I think I would start by simply saying he is not allowed back, not mentioning anything further at all unless they seek him out or he tries to make contact with them, at which time a more detailed explanation may need to be given - This is just my thought, may not be correct, and I hope circumstances make it easier for you to say little.

With your parents I guess it depends upon how close a relationship you have with them and how they have reacted to your son's activities in the past. It is their great-grandchildren they are deprived of too.

If you can tell your parents and they are able to support you that may well help a great deal. Trying to shoulder all this in isolation is so hard, particularly as no choices or action is going to seem completely right.

As for going to the sentencing, if you did go I'd suggest you not go alone, it can be a very overwhelming expereince.

You do badly need support, and probably not just one time, but ongoing. I'd suggest counseling by someone who is familiar with the problems of the 'secondary' (I'm sorry to use that term but it is the truth) victims of these offenses, that is to say the family.

It may be our own 24/7 councilors can suggest something in your area.

I do hope you feel free to return here and say how you are going, it might help

Croix

Re: Adult child is a sex offender

CaneNero — Sun, 26 Apr 2026 15:53:50 GMT

Maybe 1800 RESPECT helpline can assist you with resources, counselling, support groups.

My father was unwell also. It's normal to have the mixed emotions of loving them and also hating what they have done.

It's a lot to process but you're doing the right things. He can't have contact with the other kids - that's because of his actions and you shouldn't have to carry any guilt for that. He did this. You just do what needs to be done to keep them safe.

And I think it will be good to tell a few people about it that you need to. But also you can make it a "come over and have a cup of tea, long private talk" thing. That would be good for you, chatting with someone who also knows him. It will help you to express your thoughts and to process some things.

Also SANE Australia are a really good helpline if you need. And there's provisional psychologists available at community hubs, which are low cost and often free. If you need to talk and can't afford it. They also do telehealth online so you can do it from home.

Re: Adult child is a sex offender

Croix — Wed, 06 May 2026 11:19:37 GMT

Dear MaggiePie~

I'm just popping in to see how things are going, it is a terrible situation and I'd not like you to think nobody cares

Croix