topic Re: My life is a mess right now and i dont know what to do in Relationship and family issues

My life is a mess right now and i dont know what to do

dogloverr — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 01:56:28 GMT

Hi, it took me a long time to write here,i dont even know where to start, i just feel helpless and feel like there's no one i can openly talk to.

Long story short, i met my husband online, i moved countries for him, left my family,and we had a long distance relationship for over 6 years, being a total of 10 years together(we have no kids). Not even gonna mention all the money that he spent to finally get me here.

The thing is he was never clear on how the living arrangements were going to be, my goal was to get a job when my visa allowed me, and work work work and build a life together, just like a normal couple.

Another long story short, we now have a mortgage that me, his brother and his brother's partner are included, and we all live in the same house. On his brothers part, he has 3 kids, his mum, and also my husbands daughter (from his past relationship). Theres 9 people living in the house and i hate being here everyday.

I have so much resentment build up, that sometimes i just spend the whole day in my room, my only safe place. Every day i feel like i hate everyone, and i dont want to talk to them, sometimes i get my dog and walk for hours and i dont even feel like coming back.

Its very messy, like disgusting messy, theres no boundaries, kids come sleepover all the time, theres no limits.Everyone work everyday and when i have a day off, they expect me to watch their kids, pick up, drop off from school.

His brother barely look after his kids because everyone else in the house do it for him.
His youngest is now 4 years, and hes autistic and addicted to screens, he screams all day and if you stop watching he starts smearing poop all over the couch or the walls for example.
I did so much for them in the past, i also work so much and now i just feel like im burnout.

My husband keep saying this wont last forever and we gonna sell this house in 5 years. I dont know if i can last that long. This place has a very weird family dynamic where the brothers dont talk to each other, even my brother in law dont talk to me. I feel like i have no connection, all i wanted was to have my own quiet and clean place to live with him and my dog.
People come and go in this house everyday and i just feel like i dont belong here. Sometimes i think i was happpier living in my home country with my simple life, my family, my freedom.

I forgot to mention i was diagnosed with PMDD, so when it hits its pretty bad.
I dont know if im being a horrible person, please share your thoughts.

Re: My life is a mess right now and i dont know what to do

Alikiwi — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 03:11:37 GMT

Well first off I don't think you're horrible at all. You've made a huge scarifice moving countries, but I wonder if you were made aware of what you were moving into and what was expected of you? I suspect not, in which case you have every right to be upset. Not many people would tolerate that arrangement and given your health issues it's doubly unacceptable. I can only suggest trying to inform your husband that this is too much for you, though I suspect you may have tried already? If a further approach to him doesn't get results, then you have a hard choice to make, but I think for your own sanity and help, with will have to do something to improve your situation. Hopefully someone else has some more helpful advice.

Re: My life is a mess right now and i dont know what to do

Ggrand — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 05:08:09 GMT

Hello Guest/ new member……

I’m so sorry this is happening to you….5 years is a very long time to have to put up with your horrible situation….

The property being in both your family and your husbands family would make it very difficult to move out with you husband and trying to pay both paying your mortgage and rent together….

The only suggestion I can suggest I can think of is for the four of you to sit down and work out respectful boundaries for each family unit….even though you are the children’s Aunty, that doesn’t mean the responsibility of being their taxi driver or being there sitter is your responsibility…The days everyone works, who looks after the children?

When your home on a day off, you should be able to do what you want to do…not spend it serving everyone else’s need…

I think the only way to help your situation is to talk to your husband and organise a meeting with your brother and sister in law to get some proper boundaries up and running….

My kindest and caring thoughts dear guest,

Grandy..

Re: My life is a mess right now and i dont know what to do

CaneNero — Sun, 19 Apr 2026 11:03:09 GMT

You're definitely not being a horrible person. Everybody wants peace and stability in their home. Your home is supposed to be as safe place a place where you can relax and restore your well-being. When that's not possible, it's only natural that you will feel stressed and things will build up. It's only natural that your mental health will suffer.

I think it's great that you are going out for walks with the dog. Please continue to do this.

I also think it's fine if people don't talk to each other most of the time. There's too much going on and they need their peace also. People cope in different ways - maybe them ignoring you is a way that they are coping living there, and not personal to you.

Also there's nothing stopping you from saying something heartfelt occasionally to them. Such as "hey I know we don't talk very much but I just want to tell you that I'm sorry and I find it difficult to live with so many people. It's honestly nothing personal about you and I think you're great. I hope you know that" - something simple like there's people would really appreciate.

Or occasionally you can ask if they want to come for a walk with the dog. Walking gives you something to focus on. When you get home you can say that you're feeling burnt out today and you're going to hang out in a room alone, they will be totally fine with it. "We can go again next week" or something.

I think you need something to focus on besides these people and this house. It's probably the only thing that's going to get you through. Can you FaceTime with people at home in your home country? Keep your connections and nurture those. Talk a little about what's happening with them - but don't make this the main focus. You want to have positive and nice conversations with them because this is your escape from that house. If you focus on having nice relationships and talking about other things mostly, it might really help to give your mind to break from all of this stress at home

Re: My life is a mess right now and i dont know what to do

audiology — Mon, 20 Apr 2026 01:23:43 GMT

Hi - first of all I can assure you no you aren't being a horrible person. You've clearly moved into a situation where you weren't made aware of any of the living arrangements/dynamics beforehand and being that it's in a different country it sounds like you've been faced with quite a large amount of culture shock as well! Where did you move from and to - if you don't mind me asking?