topic Re: issues results to anxiety and heavy heart beats in Relationship and family issues

issues results to anxiety and heavy heart beats

Guest_31156087 — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 02:51:28 GMT

Hi folks,

I live in Melbourne, married for almost 10 years. from last 4-5 years there has been a lot of arguments with my wife. When ever i try to tell my problems to her. to she replies don't tell me your problems , if u have issues go to mental asylum. Every discussion ends up i am the only one who ruined every thing. Now i started feeling i am the only one who spoiled every thing.

Re: issues results to anxiety and heavy heart beats

Croix — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 13:56:32 GMT

Dear New Member~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. It sounds as if the way you are being treated is making you think you are always at fault - not true.

I'm sorry to be blunt however your wife's response when you try to tell her about issues you are having is distinctly unfriendly. As a couple saying "don't tell me you problems" would be very distressing for you when the person you expect to love you and have your back simply seems not to care.

Being blamed for everything that goes wrong is another unfriendly and untrue way to talk.

Having anxiety is bad enough without this distance between you. I have an anxiety condition and found that family support has contributed greatly to how I've felt and I'm sorry you do not have that.

May I ask if you have medical support for your anxiety? I found without it I could not make myself improve, quite the reverse so if you are not under treatment I'd suggest seeing your GP in an extended appointment and describe how you have been feeling.

Another alternative if there is one in your area is one of the free Medicare Mental Health Centers (this link will show you where they are and what they do)

If you would like to come back and talk some more you will always have a friendly reception

Croix

Re: issues results to anxiety and heavy heart beats

therising — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 18:12:49 GMT

A very warm welcome to you at a time in your marriage and your life that's challenging you in a number of ways. I truly feel for you.

Not sure if it will be of any help but I find it's far more important at times to not jump to conclusions but instead open my mind to wonder. For example

I wonder why my partner's so closed off and/or aggressive
I wonder whether they have always been like this but I've never noticed until now
I wonder when the relationship started to take a major turn
I wonder whether we both have areas which need some form of attention or skill development and it's not just about how I need to improve

and the list of things to wonder about continues. Personally, I find I can either wonder all on my own or I can find someone else to wonder with me. Sometimes finding someone else can be a real fast tracker. Whether the person we find to wonder with us is a friend, family member, partner, therapist or someone else, the right person can bring about much needed revelations which can occasionally be met with 'How did I not see that until now?'.

Took me some decades to realise that when it comes to arguments or fights, whoever is involved is arguing or fighting for something. Whether they're arguing or fighting for the rights of someone else or to be heard or have their feelings recognised or have their beliefs validated or they're arguing or fighting to do something or to not have to do something, it's not about being difficult. Sometimes it pays to wonder about what it is we've been arguing or fighting for. If it's been going on for a long time (over years), the question then becomes 'What have I been arguing or fighting for all this time?'. Often, there can be a reoccurring theme. I say this from personal experience, having been married to the same guy for 23 years. Working out the common theme/s can change the dynamics of a relationship.