topic Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce in Relationship and family issues

I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

clarinervium — Mon, 12 Jan 2026 09:33:13 GMT

I've had severe mental health problems since last year. I had a breakdown end of March 2024 and haven't been able to work since then. I did try to return to work, but work triggered a relapse in my mental illness. Then I had treatment that felt like it was really helping... only for my role to be made redundant a few weeks later.

So I guess you could say, it's been really hard the past year... and before that when I was severely depressed but didn't realise it.

I'm currently in mental hospital for another round of treatment. My husband just came to visit me and I was very excited... but then it turned out he wanted to have a serious talk with me because he wants a divorce.

I'm in shock. I feel betrayed. I have finally found a treatment that helps me and I was looking forward to being healthier this year. I don't understand why he would say this now... He says he's burnt out (and I totally understand and empathise with that) but I am panicking because he's gone straight to divorce.

He's said that I've said a lot of times that he would be better off without me or that maybe he should leave me for someone who isn't depressed... and I know that was wrong of me to do that. I'm just bewildered by what's going on. He says he still loves me and that losing me will feel like cutting off his arm. So, why? I have a fairly reasonable prognosis of getting better -- maybe not being able to do regular work again, but at least having better mental health.

I would love any insights from people. I'm just looking for hope right now (and trying not to feel like I'm somehow very very cursed)

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Alikiwi — Mon, 12 Jan 2026 23:13:05 GMT

Hi there,

Sounds like a very difficult situation, and his timing couldn't be worse. My initial thoughts given what you've said is that a bit of honest discussion could be worthwhile such as telling him that while you've said in the past he should find someone else, point out to him how important to you he actually is. Also perhaps suggest to him that couples councilling maybe a better step and try and resolve matters rather than just drop the ball completely. Seems to me there's a chance of saving the situation for you and your partner.

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Croix — Tue, 13 Jan 2026 10:31:06 GMT

Dear Clarinervium~

I have said umpteen times my family would be better off wihtout me when I've been really depressed -and I believed it at the time. Later I came to see it was the depression talking, not me.

You are on the improve with a new treatment and going to work. It is very frustrating the workplace closed down however you will find another and in the meantime you have the comfort of knowing know it was not you giving up.

OK just at the moment your husband wants a divorce, maybe it as the lack of hope, all the times things remained bad. Now you have something to offer. You may not be perfect but he loves you. It might seem hte bottom has dropped out of your world, however see what happens.

I agree wiht Alikiwi and think there is a chance of saving the relationship, and that couples counceling may be the best way to do it. I"d suggest Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) if they have an office near you. Setting out who is responsible for what can help, it prevents one person becoming overburdened. Assistance plus respite can make a big difference.

It is a big thing when you have gone a long time with therapies that did not help, now there is one that looks like it might, a gateway to better things. I found this in a new medication and my life turned around.

I am concerned and would like it if you came back and said how things are going

Croix

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

MarryRay — Tue, 13 Jan 2026 11:34:30 GMT

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your story shows how difficult it is to combine serious mental health problems and relationships, especially when you finally started to feel relief from treatment. This does not mean that you are "cursed" or "a problem arises" - you are going through an incredibly difficult situation, and your reactions are completely understandable

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Summer Rose — Wed, 14 Jan 2026 11:49:48 GMT

Hello Clarinervium

I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. It’s hard enough to work on getting well without having to worry about your relationship. Hugs to you.

I have a daughter who lives with a mental health condition and I have cared for her for the past 16 years. Some times have been intense, like when she has been in hospital (twice), and other times a lot easier.

I think I can relate in some ways to your husband and it sounds like he needs support.

He loves you but could very well just be exhausted, drained or without hope at present.

I’d like to suggest that you encourage him to contact Carers Australia. Counselling from people “who get it” and access support groups are available to your husband. I know that I have often found renewed strength through talking with others who understand directly what I am experiencing.
Please don’t give up on your goal of achieving better mental health this year. You’ve been through a lot and I encourage you to focus on healing.
Kind thoughts to you

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

therising — Wed, 14 Jan 2026 19:19:27 GMT

Hi clarinevium

My heart goes out to you so much as you work so hard to manage the challenges you've experienced and felt so deeply over the years up until now.

With those marriage vows, I don't think a lot of us consider what the '...in sickness and in health...' part of it can fully mean. We typically don't go into marriage thinking 'No probs, I can do the mental health stuff. It'll be a breeze'. Mental health issues can sometimes be the greatest challenge we will ever face in our marriage. And while it's understandable how completely exhausted our partner can become while helping us manage this aspect of our health, I believe it's also about their development or self development (including the much needed skills and abilities they develop over time). If they are simply hoping we 'get better' or we eventually 'work it all out', that's never going to be enough. Waiting is just not enough. They need to manage how they and their partner move through the challenges that can come. The ability to feel the need for guidance is such an important one to develop. Whether that includes seeking guidance for us, for themself, for the relationship or all 3, it can be a key ability that comes in handy at any time in life (not just in times of crisis).

Speaking from a matter of fact point of view, my intention is in no way to slam my husband. Just stating the facts that have gifted me insight when it comes to how some partners may be. Btw, I've worked hard through a lot of emotions over the years in my marriage to get to this 'matter of fact' stage. It's a matter of fact that he has never felt what the absolute depths of depression feels like. He has no reference for my feelings at times, when I find myself in the depths of a depression. It's a matter of fact that he does not like to feel great sadness and a lot of the other intensely challenging feelings that can come with a depression. He tries not to get a deeper feel for them because they're painful, therefor he can't deeply feel for me, as a consequence. It's a matter of fact that he's not into all that soulful 'woo woo' stuff, so he's not going to be the one to guide me while helping me figure out 1)what's soul destroying and 2)a more soulful path ahead that will serve me. He's definitely not one of my guides when it comes the 'woo woo' and it's a shame because that's largely the kinda stuff that raises me. Our way of thinking is very different in some ways. Our way of feeling is very different in some ways. We're very different in a number of ways and this can create a sense of disconnect at times. I'm wondering whether your husband cannot connect through what he just can't relate to, as opposed to helping establish some form of connection he and you can relate to or through.

When reading of Summer Rose's connection to her daughter, through that connection or channel of love, devotion, commitment, determination and longing to raise her daughter, she expresses herself and her ability to serve and feel for others. Through that she can also feel for both yourself and your husband, while offering sage words of advice and guidance. Can definitely be challenging to feel through a channel or connection that feels like it holds nothing but a sense of exhaustion. It can have an incredibly 'flat' feel to it. From my own experience with that feeling, I don't believe we're designed to feel flat for extensive periods of time. 'Flat' typically tells us there's something wrong which needs our attention.

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

clarinervium — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 10:46:48 GMT

Thank you very much everyone, you're all so kind and it's bringing me to tears right now.

We attended couples counseling today and he was emphatic that this would be our last session. He wants out of the marriage and he's begun taking steps to separate our finances.

I'm shattered. I don't....I don't know where to go from this. Just last month he was reassuring me that it was okay if I don't work a regular job again, he'll provide for me. And now this... I just. What's the point, really? I want to live a good life, I really do, but it keeps kicking me down whenever I try to get back up.

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Summer Rose — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 11:56:26 GMT

Hello again

I’m so sorry to learn that your husband has his mind made up. It must have been really difficult for you in the session and given his mixed messages I can well understand that you feel blindsided. I wish things could be different for you.

I think you’re likely going to need some time to process all that he said and your own feelings. I’m hoping that your medical team will be able to support you.
Life can be terribly unfair at times but there is a point to trying to get well: you.

You matter. And the “good life” you are working towards matters. It may be hard to believe this now but you won’t always feel the way you do today—it can get better.
I encourage you to take this one step at a time. Process your feelings. Lean on your support team at the hospital. Continue your treatment.

If you have family or friends that can support you, please reach out to them.

Post here anytime. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kind thoughts to you

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

clarinervium — Fri, 16 Jan 2026 06:24:30 GMT

Thank you Summer Rose (and also everyone here).

I just wanted to post to say, hey, I'm still here. Even though I've been crying on and off since my husband mentioned the "D" word, I haven't gone to the point of hurting myself or even unaliving. That's honestly quite amazing because this is one of the biggest, most painful things that has ever happened to me.

It's... still hard though. It's so hard. Just getting through each hour is hard. I'm worried about where I'm going to live. I'm worried about how I'll support myself (he said to take all the time to recover and he would support me through it all--! and now I don't even have that!!!). I'm scared of the future.

Thank you for emphasising that it can get better. I've been through so much horrible shit in my life and I just want it to someday, be good and peaceful. I want that so badly. Right now it's very hard for me to believe that's possible. But I'm glad kind internet strangers can believe in that for me.

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Summer Rose — Fri, 16 Jan 2026 09:59:42 GMT

Hi Clarinervium

I’m so relieved to hear that you are holding it together. Thank you for sharing this, as I have been concerned about you.

This shows how much progress you have made. Congratulations.

It’s natural for you to feel sad and it’s okay. I expect you may feel this way for some time and I’m sure you will experience a range of other emotions in the future too. With the right support, you can get through this.

You have rights in the “D” proceedings and I believe that your health will impact the division of assets, you might even find that your husband is required to provide you with maintenance given your inability to engage in paid employment. (Having said that, I am not a lawyer.)

When you feel ready, I would encourage you to seek legal advice, as this may help to reduce your anxiety about the future.

The hospital should be able to connect you with a social worker who could help you gain an understanding of any government benefits you may be entitled to, social supports in your community and help to find legal advice. Please ask one of your nurses for a referral.

You are doing really well. Hang in there.

Kind thoughts to you

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Croix — Sat, 17 Jan 2026 09:22:33 GMT

Dear Clarinervium~

To be ill and then have a foundation of your life taken away is not only heart-breaking but will require you lean on as many supports, medical, practical and legal as you can. You are already starting to cope by the simple act of posting here and I'd expect you will cope with the whole thing. That may seem almost beyond you at the moment but your words are not those of someone who has given up, quite the reverse.

I honestly don't think you are going to be left penniless and all the points Summer Rose made are spot-on.

One area that may not actually go to bat for you may also have a good deal of advice on what legal resources you do have, and that is the state/territory agency of the Womens Legal Services. The link lists those on each state

Apart from 'official' supports is there anyone else in your life, a family member or friend perhaps, who would give you support. They do not have to 'fix' things, just listen and care. It is so hard alone

You know you are always welcome here

Croix

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

clarinervium — Sun, 18 Jan 2026 08:22:41 GMT

Thank you so much Croix... I hit a really low point today because my husband didn't come to the meeting with my doctor (after previously agreeing to) because he had to take care of "his stuff" which... I don't know what it was. The meeting was meant to be about my prognosis and how to minimise the damage this whole separation process might do to my mental health.

Then later he texted and said he was at a dinner party last night, and also that he's withdrawing half of our savings for the house, and to keep expenses separate starting now.

Up until now all our spending, all our income was in our joint account. I don't have any money in my individual account except the birthday gift money my parents sent me. I had to beg him to please hold off on changing financial situation or logistics because I'm in MENTAL HOSPITAL (I did not use all caps at him, to be clear) and I do not have the brain to think of numbers right now. We can do all the accounting later, we will be fair and get reimbursed, but I was just begging for more time. To please not change things. To just give me a few more days. To not add to all my fear of being cut off completely without even a chance to get my feet under me.

I'm in so much pain right now.

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Croix — Tue, 20 Jan 2026 10:06:17 GMT

Dear Clarinervium~

I second shock right on top of the first. Going to dinner parties and failing to turn up at an important medical meeting for no good reason casts a new light on this person

So does quickly acting to ensure his finances.

To put it bluntly he is thinking of himself, not you, and his conduct in the past does not really count. OK it might seem all bad however you have two things to come out of this you can regard as useful, he has revealed his nature, and you really do need to protect your finances and everything else in your life.

OK, you are in hospital and maybe are not in a position to look after your own interests as well as you might -that coupled with the fact he meant so much to you and that lingers and promotes generosity rather than fairness.

So who can you get to act as an advocated for you and support you? Someone to discuss things with and assist you with mundane things like bank accounts.

Do you have anyone in your family you could rely upon, or a friend perhaps? All else failing look to the suggestions of organizations you have already been given, of course I'd particularly recommend hospital welfare and Women's Legal Services.

It is very easy for this situation to take over all your life, leaving you without hope or feeling overwhelmed. So you need to counteract that, not by neglecting necessary actions to do with the separation but by having other things in your life as well -a coping mechanism.

I cna't really say what might be suitable and know what opportunities may be easy to find. Maybe a gym, maybe a choir, maybe ...

Don't just rely upon yourself to think up alternatives, get the thoughts of others too.

You are more important than all of this and need to come first in your thinking and actions.

Always welcome here

Croix

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Summer Rose — Mon, 19 Jan 2026 20:44:17 GMT

Hello again

I agree with Croix’s response, so won’t repeat his messages. Although I still encourage you to try and access a social worker at the hospital to assist you through your current challenges.

I would like to add, however, that none of this is your fault.

No one can help falling ill and it doesn’t matter if that’s with a mental health condition, cancer or heart disease. It is not too much to expect your husband to support you through this.
I can’t imagine any justification for your husband’s haste and hurtful behaviour—and I say this as someone who has on occasion been overwhelmed by caring responsibilities myself in the past. Please try to focus on your health. It’s so essential and I feel despite all that is happening that, health must be your top priority—it will be the key to your ability to successfully navigate the challenges in front of you and reach your life goals.

Health. Finances. Living arrangements. In small chunks that you can manage, with appropriate support. You can do this.

My heart goes out to you.

Kind thoughts to you

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Summer Rose — Thu, 22 Jan 2026 05:48:44 GMT

Hi Clarinervium

Just checking in to see how you are doing today. You okay?

Kind thoughts to you

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

clarinervium — Thu, 22 Jan 2026 12:07:59 GMT

Oh my gosh - thank you so much for caring Summer Rose and also Croix.

I'm not doing ok. I found out that my husband has cleaned out most of our joint account and left only enough for 1 month rent and a little bit of the savings (yes he took even from the half that was meant to be mine).

I'm scared and shocked and confused and I don't know what he's doing. I broke down on the phone to my father earlier. I said I couldn't keep going anymore. It's so hard and I'm in so much pain.

My brother and my parents are really coming through for me. I'm so ashamed for doing this to them. I thought I knew my husband, I thought he wouldn't be capable, ever, of any of these things he's done.

I'm so scared.

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Croix — Fri, 23 Jan 2026 12:02:29 GMT

Dear Clarinervium~

Yes the finances is another shock, really letting know he was not the person you thought.

You do have people on oyur side, you parents and your brother.

This is marvelous and feeling ashamed of having to get thier help is natural but silly. If a bad driver caused a car crash and injured you injured then your feelings would be very different. You would probably be angry at that driver, frustrated at the injuries caused and feeling warmth and gratitude to your parents and brother

This is not so different except the cause is selfishness and lies, rather than bad driving. The injuries are to your soul as well as finances. You will need assistance more now, with help for finances, housing and grief. Yes grief. The practical maters will be easier to overcome than that loss, however despite being scared you will cope.

Grief and loss is not the same as mental health issues and needs people that understand (and been though it themselves), so don't just accept the assistance of the medical team, see if you can have counceling over greif too.

You may wonder how you could be so wrong about your husband. I guess the truth is people tend to expect others to act as they do, and if you are a generous and loving person it is hard to understand when you discover another is not.

It will get better, and you are always welcome here

Croix

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Croix — Sun, 25 Jan 2026 12:40:41 GMT

Dear Clarinervium~

Just poped in ot see how you are managing, time in hospital can go extra slow. Any to help you yet?

Croix

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

Summer Rose — Mon, 26 Jan 2026 06:28:34 GMT

Hi again

So sorry for the delayed response, I have been away.

I’m very sorry that your husband has taken financial advantage of you. Please know that legally you have rights and with the support of a lawyer you can try to get your half back (perhaps even more due to your health issues). When you are ready this is a path you can go down.

I’m very relieved to know that you have support from your father and brother. There is nothing to feel ashamed about, you have done nothing wrong. Anyone can fall ill. And your husband alone is responsible for his abhorrent behaviour. Now is definitely the time to let those people who love in to provide you with support.

I think Croix’s suggestion to seek grief counselling is a good one. It’s going to take time to heal from the breakdown of your marriage, so please be gentle with yourself.

You had been making good progress in hospital with your health issues and I’m so sorry that your load has grown, but I really want to encourage you not to give up.
Plough on and fight for your best life. One step at a time, rest when you need to, but don’t give up. You deserve health and happiness.

Post here anytime for support.

Kind thoughts to you

Re: I'm in mental hospital, my husband wants a divorce

clarinervium — Mon, 26 Jan 2026 08:48:34 GMT

Thank you so much to both of you. You are so very kind.

I'm not doing well. I have no appetite and so the past couple of days my nurse has had to come and get my a sandwich because otherwise I wouldn't eat.

The grief is just overwhelming right now. I've done all my inspections and put in an application -- if it gets denied then I'll go to more inspections -- and I'm getting discharged from hospital in a couple of days. I've got a plan in place for when I'll move to an apartment once I get accepted. I've got lists of items to move when and where. I've got quotes from removalists and lists of financial things to sort through because bills still need to be paid, like health insurance.

It's just... so hard. All this stuff I'm having to do, the moving, the decision-making... I was going through my clothes at the house yesterday and I broke down when I found something I had bought to wear for him, we were planning to open it on my birthday and that never happened... Disentangling my things from his things, after all the time and love that went into making it "our things" and turning our house into a home... it's so heavy, and part of me is still in shock: how did it come to this?

I am making plans now for my budget (because I have so much less funds than before) and scheduling times with friends when they can help me move. On the outside people might say I'm being so strong by continuing to move through this but it's like... what choice do I have?

And when I'm not doing TMS or running errands / organising to ensure the move goes well, I'm just curled up in bed crying. I still love him so much. And my memory keeps bringing up the good times, the little moments.

At the start of this month we were at a hotel watching our wedding video. For me it affirmed my commitment to focus this year on repairing our relationship after my hospital treatment finished. For him it affirmed his decision to leave. I keep playing things over in my mind and wishing I could have been different these past several months, trying to figure out what I did wrong. And at the same time I know it's not my fault... and it's better I found out now than later, when we have more property together, are more entwined ... it's better to know the truth now.

And yet I still miss him so so so so badly and I would give so much to kiss him one last time. I didn't know that moment when he came to visit me at the hospital would be the last. There's so much I wish I could fix and so much I wish I could take back.

I'm such a wreck.