https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/how-to-have-good-relationships-with-family-when-there-are-so/m-p/602518#M54254 <P>I just realised I said something that might offend people.</P><P>"<SPAN>I have tried counselling but they keep saying my family members are not my problem and just to set extreme boundaries or cut them off entirely. I feel like this is wrong as it's not their fault and I wouldn't want to be treated that way."<BR />Part of my condition affects my social and communication skills. I often realise after the fact that I said something that could be judgemental/ rude/ offensive etc, then I feel really awful and go over and over what I said for ages. I am really sorry if I upset anyone reading my original post because of this or anything else I said.&nbsp; I think how I really feel is that this advice made me feel really uncomfortable because I realise my family members have illnesses and are not trying to hurt me (at least I hope not), and a big part of the problem is my reaction to the situation and the fact that I struggle not to take things on board and feel stressed about it. And if I could just control my reaction better or cope better I might find a way to feel more positive about interacting with and supporting family members. I think I just need to find a counsellor who has experience with these types of family dynamics.</SPAN></P> Mon, 28 Oct 2024 23:24:17 GMT what2do 2024-10-28T23:24:17Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/how-to-have-good-relationships-with-family-when-there-are-so/m-p/602514#M54253 <P>I love my family, but unfortunately many family members have complex mental health issues - I don't want to talk about them specifically, but basically they include multiple problems like a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar, PTSD and addiction, as well as things like ASD/ ADHD/ ODD/ Tourette's syndrome etc. Many of them struggle to get good care from a psychiatrist and live very dysfunctional lives with minimal support (most of their partners have left them and taken the children so they either live alone or in a precarious situation with family/ friends). As such, most of my interactions with them concern things like - hospitalisation due to drug overdoses/ self medication, psychotic episodes, severe mood disturbances, extreme relationship drama with family/ friends, legal issues due to being arrested for their behaviour/ symptoms in public etc.</P><P><BR />Most of the carers in my family (including myself) also have mental health issues or things like ADHD/ ASD (just less severe), have physical health issues, and/ or are 80+. Because of my conditions, after dealing with them I feel like I soak up the negativity like a sponge and feel really outraged by the situation or anxious to the point I can't sleep, have a lot of physical stress symptoms almost to the point that I feel like I'm having a heart attack, hallucinate that they're calling me or at the door, and it sometimes takes me a day to recover or feel right again. There is also little I can do practically due to my health - I am flat out caring for myself.</P><P><BR />All of this leaves me feeling extremely guilty, helpless and resentful. I want my family to be the best it can be. I want to enjoy things with them in some way. I also want to be a good support to my family, especially as I am a bit younger than most of the people in caring roles, but don't know how. I have tried counselling but they keep saying my family members are not my problem and just to set extreme boundaries or cut them off entirely. I feel like this is wrong as it's not their fault and I wouldn't want to be treated that way. Does anyone know of any counsellors or support groups who deal with really complex family issues? I feel like a lot of resources make the assumption that a person with a mental illness exists in a vacuum and all other family members/ carers are healthy, capable etc. I find that support from government and private services is limited and hard to access and quite frankly not sufficient for our situation.&nbsp;</P> Mon, 28 Oct 2024 21:57:40 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/how-to-have-good-relationships-with-family-when-there-are-so/m-p/602514#M54253 what2do 2024-10-28T21:57:40Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/how-to-have-good-relationships-with-family-when-there-are-so/m-p/602518#M54254 <P>I just realised I said something that might offend people.</P><P>"<SPAN>I have tried counselling but they keep saying my family members are not my problem and just to set extreme boundaries or cut them off entirely. I feel like this is wrong as it's not their fault and I wouldn't want to be treated that way."<BR />Part of my condition affects my social and communication skills. I often realise after the fact that I said something that could be judgemental/ rude/ offensive etc, then I feel really awful and go over and over what I said for ages. I am really sorry if I upset anyone reading my original post because of this or anything else I said.&nbsp; I think how I really feel is that this advice made me feel really uncomfortable because I realise my family members have illnesses and are not trying to hurt me (at least I hope not), and a big part of the problem is my reaction to the situation and the fact that I struggle not to take things on board and feel stressed about it. And if I could just control my reaction better or cope better I might find a way to feel more positive about interacting with and supporting family members. I think I just need to find a counsellor who has experience with these types of family dynamics.</SPAN></P> Mon, 28 Oct 2024 23:24:17 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/how-to-have-good-relationships-with-family-when-there-are-so/m-p/602518#M54254 what2do 2024-10-28T23:24:17Z