topic Re: The game of love in Relationship and family issues

The game of love

Scared — Thu, 05 Sep 2024 04:09:13 GMT

I dont want to offer anybody advice on dating rather than my own thoughts and beliefs to a question put to me on why should this particular person make some changes to appearance and attitude for the relationships they want.

When I offered some advice I was answered back by " why should I make any changes and why cant someone take me as I am "

This is a valid point and I agree fully.

If this was about wrong or right then I agree wholeheartedly.

But unfortuneatly the laws of attraction are not based on wrong or right but based upon whats working or not working for you.
You can go on all day about your good enough so why is this person still not been able to find someone to share their life with.

I mean he has already told me he is good enough has the confidence to not need to change anything so then if he is so right then why cant he find some one. Why

I have a analogy to share about wrong or right and it maybe too cryptic but I do my best as I never had problems attracting the opp sex.

It goes like this

I loved fishing when I was growing up. At a certain time of year after rain these big fish would come out briefly at daybreak for 20 mins only.

The problem with these fish they would only eat a certain fillet of fish and it had to be fresh.

So i had to go to the pier the night before to catch these small fish and keep the fillets fresh in fridge.

I tried all the other convenient frozen baits but no it had to be freshly caught fish if you had a chance to catch these monsters. The law of attraction for these fish was effort.

I could argue all day with these fish how my frozen prawn is good enough and how much easier it would be for me to be reasonable but no they wernt buying that cop out.

I could argue they are wrong not taking bait and how right i am giving them good enough fish bait.

So I learnt its not about wrong or right its about " what works"

So to my friend I said you can hold on to being right not to make changes or you can start doing what works.

Just had to write that for some reason. I learnt to change if I wanted success and took responsibility for the things I wanted to attract and that meant in this case the long walk to the pier the night before. The fished showed me their law and followed it

Re: The game of love

Scared — Thu, 05 Sep 2024 05:00:44 GMT

Just to add something

I told this very same friend about this secret fishing spot long ago.

I went into great detail on how to have success

Of course he didnt listen and from memory he used chicken gut and I can still hear him saying he knows best

No prizes for guessing the outcome

lol

Re: The game of love

therising — Thu, 05 Sep 2024 17:12:03 GMT

Hi Scared

You're obviously incredibly well tapped into your inner sage or whatever it is that offers sage-like advice. I love your analogy, with it's wisdom and sense of guidance. Truly brilliant, illuminating.

The game of love is an interesting one, for sure. It was a few years ago that I was led to question what love means to me. The questioning came out of necessity and some desperation, as I was struggling with why I could not feel love (towards some people and from some people). While I meditated on this question, what came to mind in this meditation was 'Why do you love your children and your mother more than anyone else?'. A fair and helpful question. I realised that I'm more invested in their evolution above anyone else's. Of course, I'm invested in the growth and evolution of others in my life but these 3 key people in my life are the most outstanding, in the way that I love them and serve them. Then I looked at the word 'evolution' and noticed the first 4 letters, when switched around. For me, love is found in evolution. If I actively lead someone to evolve through their challenges in ways that bring them a sense of joy, relief, greater consciousness and more, then I am actively loving them. If I leave them alone to suffer, I am not loving them. Same goes for self. If I am actively leading myself to evolve in some way, I am in the process of loving myself to life or back to life in some way. In thinking about my kids and my mum, I realised that these 3 people are the ones who have helped me evolve more than anyone else has and this is why I feel so deeply loved by them. The strongest form of love can be felt through a two way channel.

I suppose the question in some cases can be 'Do I love myself enough to evolve into new and different ways of being or living?' or 'Do I love myself enough to change my perception, beliefs, practices and more?'. Will I simply sit with who I am and reel in nothing or will I evolve into more than I currently perceive myself to be, while reeling in or attracting exactly what I need? Self love is definitely a challenging business at times, that's for sure. 🙂

Re: The game of love

randomxx — Thu, 05 Sep 2024 22:34:06 GMT

Yeah , l mean there are things, but then there are things.

Nothing cryptic about the right bait watch anyone good at fishing and they're very particular and specific with baits and the little systems they use and found works for them.

l use to go with a mate to this reservoir he always caught fish it was like they were fighting ea other to get on the hook. He knew exactly how to dress up his bait and what bait to use, his dad taught him but he also had the instincts himself too.

Where as me it was like l wasn't really fussed l'd go for the scenery and peace of it all, l didn't really care about catching fish and lucky for that really bc l never caught any.

There's many lessons right through nature and life l've always thought that's one of natures jobs, and our first nations people know that hugely and the same with many other cultures.

l suppose in love though , there's a line, between being you, but also combining the right bait. lf you want the right fish for you, then you gotta be you, but some people know how to combine the right bait with also still just being them.

You see it in women too , it's very often not just all about their looks, they just instinctively know how to attract the man they want, have a sister like that. Where as one of the others is far prettier but yet zero luck with men. l knew she wouldn't even back as kids, her personality was just all wrong and she'd never work on herself or even see herself to realize it. We had talks back in those days but she just didn't get it and argued about it so ok, whatever. 30yrs later she's still arguing about it and gave up long ago on love.

Where as a friend of mine very similar also never had any luck with women, 50s still no luck l could tell him why l could see it but l didn't have the patience or ability to put it into ways he'd grasp, but he did still have hopes. Well funny really but he went and saw a professional kind of coach come psychiatrist and discovered there were all these things l could see but as l say couldn't put right but she could. He was open and wanted to work on things it was all a combo of a very bad picker he'd choose terrible women but also personality things about them but also about himself too. He said he knew he needed to make changes and he was open and she guided him in a way he could understand well guess what.

He just got married, last wkend actually. 56. But she's also a very special girl to not just anyone and for the first time he not only discovered how to choose her, what to look for but also things about himself that he needed to work on too andddd well, it seems to have worked.

Yep , very tricky business sometimes, just like life to right.

Best to all

Re: The game of love

Scared — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 00:15:28 GMT

Its great when someone humbles themself to get help and they become victorious You can feel their victory

Re: The game of love

Scared — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 00:35:27 GMT

My question about Mothers ( love ) has been this. My mom was so negative it was hurting me immensly. Anyone else I would cast from my life. I pondered for years over the bond i could not break but needed to. An eg of negativity from mom would ( when my wife of 6 months walked out on me my Catholic mom said I was not allowed to ever have a partner again as it was a sin ) and there would never be another wedding in this house.

I mean if ever a bond needed breaking this was the one. But then why did my mom have such power over me.

My mom scared me to be honest

I dont have kids but i understand they and moms weild great emotional power over us

Re: The game of love

randomxx — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 04:54:25 GMT

Really sad and sorry to read that stuff.

Was your married break up anything to do with your mum?

Was it the catholic thing saying you couldn't divorce or therefore a partner again or either or did she have some other idea. Mind you l know there's also v often no logic anyway to peoples like her and their ideas or statements anyway , just a thought though.

You probably grew up feeling very confused about many things l'd imagine bc of things she's probably throw around..

ldk, l know it's very different again to a mother, but l have a sister, yep another one, l have 6 , how could l have been so cursed, l know. But l've broken all ties with her bc after being patient and ignoring her bads most my life, it eventually just got too much and for my own sanity, we have to be done.She's blocked on everything and l won't be dealing with her poison and games again in this life.

l realize that's a far far bigger step for your mother but there are people here that like my sister, have had no choice either with a parent.

My best

Re: The game of love

Scared — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 07:25:29 GMT

It was the catholic thing where i couldnt remarry or have another sexual relationship due to gods teachings.

What a recipe for depression

I strongly argued that your wrong mom

That was the beginning of the end for us ever to see eye to eye on anything again

Imagine not supporting your own child with hope that i may love again one day

I knew intuitively mom was wrong

Re: The game of love

Scared — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 07:35:59 GMT

No my wife left because she claims to only loved me out of habit whatever that means and it had nothing to do with my mom. Looking back on it all I had my own grief to deal with also my moms grief on top of that. It was a heavy thing to go thru I remember at the time.

Re: The game of love

randomxx — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 10:14:13 GMT

Yeah , would've been and sorry hear all that.

There's a thread here somewhere by White Night, prob in the family section, about toxic family members and he himself was dealing with a similar mother problem and has a lot of experience.

Should look through for that one he'd be a great man to talk to about it all.

ps, just curious , are you American or , it's just that you spelt mum as mom ?

Anyway , see if you can find that thread there's others in it also with similar could be a great place to talk things through.

Re: The game of love

Scared — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 13:59:56 GMT

I learnt to say mom when referring to my thai mother inlaw They spell it mom

Now its habit

Re: The game of love

randomxx — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 20:53:55 GMT

Ah right .

Are you going back or ? You must miss it a lot.

Re: The game of love

Scared — Sat, 07 Sep 2024 00:51:40 GMT

I go back to visit

I belong there as its where my heart is

But Thailand is not so cheap now

Cheaper than here certainly but most expats notice the increasing cost of living there.

Re: The game of love

randomxx — Sat, 07 Sep 2024 05:56:23 GMT

Yeah right , getting expensive there to eh.

l'd be leaving this country now myself if it was 15yrs ago with the way it's heading buttttt, l may not like a lot of things going on but l also keep myself well distanced from it all anyway and my heart is with the Australian earth itself so that l just wouldn't want to leave now. So l'd be in Thai if my heart was there myself, couldn't be any more expensive than here surely.

There are still some good lifestyles here too though too nonetheless that you can create, some of the people and their setups l've come across, couldn't want for more tbh, simplicity at it's nicest . l'm not a part of or take much notice of all the main bs l refuse it all and even where l am as is pretty cool anyway really but l'm moving soon and want to minimize right down again from here and there are admittedly still plenty of ways to do that and still live cheaply and nicely. l even am now really and have been for a long time but l have still been planning to move from here awhile now with other ideas from here.

Re: The game of love

Scared — Sat, 07 Sep 2024 06:17:13 GMT

Living in Thai has things you need to aware of.

If you become an invalid thru stroke or any other medical event how will you pay hospital or who will take care you.

Younger people in good health dont think about these things.

I have pre existing conditions and could not find health insurance.

If I knew a stroke or heart attack would kill me outright then thats another matter.

I would become a burden on thai family and i would hate that

Re: The game of love

randomxx — Sat, 07 Sep 2024 06:32:46 GMT

Ah right , there ya go this is another thing l've learnt over the yrs. Nothings perfect as dad use to say, pros and cons all over the place and for most countries too, turns out he was right again- as usual ha ha. Sort of another reason l'd stay right here myself anyway.

One of my fav was Italy and l had the opportunity to move there yrs back but with some reading up found out they have all kinds of problems too.

Not going anywhere now.

Re: The game of love

Scared — Sat, 07 Sep 2024 06:43:58 GMT

I dont know about you but if I found a healthy mentally stable place in life i would stay put. Meaning I dont take mental health for granted and i would never tempt relapse for anything.

Re: The game of love

randomxx — Sat, 07 Sep 2024 06:58:14 GMT

Yeah for sure , couldn't agree more.

Re: The game of love

randomxx — Sat, 07 Sep 2024 10:10:21 GMT

Mind you , in talking alternatives here , that's ok for me and others who can manage it mind you l'll be cutting big corners even now but it's absolutely heartbreaking for our young here now. Anyone trying to get started even if it's later in life for them and families and such.

l worry day in and out for my daughter she's been looking for a place all yr, families that can't even rent, anyone wanting to buy in a few yrs time starting out, it's just all wrong , just wrong. And they've just made it even worse.

l have a small investment for my d that could be huge by the time she's ready, so hoping that will help. Meantime though all she wants is to move out and start her life right now , the simplest of wants. But the whole housing situation is just madness and stack that onto costs of living.

Not meeting at whats really important

Scared — Tue, 10 Sep 2024 02:37:08 GMT

For me being 61 yo I understand I am not here forever. This has made me feel that time is important especially when fighting with my girl who is only 38 yo. I tell her Im not here forever and I will die one day. And that time is precious . But she being younger is only in the middle of her life as Im closer to the end.

I dont know how to get thru to her that I dont want to die in the middle of a fight. I love her and care so much and worry what will become of her when I die. Is there something Im missing here in communication. Im trying to save her from regret when I die because I dont want her to hurt. I tell her I love her daily and unblocked her number as the fighting has been wearing my fragile state down. When fighting I say things I dont mean and I always take my words back with sorry I said that.

I feel like I have become a father role with her so Im sure many parents have the same realisations too about their children and pondered the same feelings. Im trying to be remembered as something positive in her life that she can take thru her life.