topic How can they move on so fast in Relationship and family issues

How can they move on so fast

Tinalea20 — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 09:14:39 GMT

It’s been 3 and a half mths since we broke up from a 4 yr relationship, I have just found out he is talking to other women. I can’t even look at another man. I’m heart is broken, but suppose you don’t ask questions if you might not like that answer. I’m having trouble dealing with this, how can he move on so fast.

How can they move on so fast

Croix — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 12:09:54 GMT

Dear Tinalea20~

I've not been able to find all your posts however if you are talking about "J" then things are a bit clearer, if however I've missed something my apologies.

I guess the first thing to say is if both persons felt love for each other and invested emotionally heavily in the relationship then the chances are they would not have split up -under normal circumstances of course.

In the case of J it seems from what I did read that he was taking advantage of you al the way down, expecting you to do the household chores and using you money, without effort other than self indulgence on his part. Abusing you for not doing things he should be doing himself.

You on the other hand tried to make it work and initially at least loved him.

So when you broke up he had lost a servant, you had lost a love. (I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, I know it hurts). Your trusting and loving nature had led you into this relationship, and so of course it is heart-breaking when it stops. Heart-break can take a very long time to start to heal

He simply has the inconvenience of finding a fresh person to make his life comfortable.

You deserve someone so much better, one that appreciates and returns your care. You are well rid of J.

I hope the practical aspects of separation are sorting out OK for you.

May I ask if you have anyone to give you support, a family member or friend perhaps the you can talk with? It can help.

Croix

How can they move on so fast

confirmed08 — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 12:25:12 GMT

Hi Tinalea20

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through right now. I too am going through a similar but far inferior situation (having only been together for a year), so I can somewhat relate and sympathise with you. you don’t deserve this treatment or to feel how you are right now, I’m sure of that. I pray things take a turn for the better for you, I have no doubt they will.

I’m really sorry that I cannot be of any assistance. much love to you, we’re all behind you and I’m sure there will be many people here to support you.

How can they move on so fast

Tinalea20 — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 13:17:26 GMT

Hi thank you for your reply, no I have no one. I find it hard making friends, it hurts me that I have no one. I go to work and come home that’s my life.

How can they move on so fast

Tinalea20 — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 13:21:49 GMT

Hi thank you also for you reply, I really need support at this time. I’m sick of feeling like I’m worthless.

How can they move on so fast

confirmed08 — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 13:29:34 GMT

I know too well right now how you feel, I truly hope you do find the support you’re deserved of Tinalea20 x

How can they move on so fast

geoff — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 16:56:25 GMT

Hello Tinalea, I'm sorry this has happened and this really depends on who was the person that broke up your relationship, if it was him, there he wouldn't care who or when he wanted to contact other ladies or alternatively if it was you then he may feel exactly the same.

There could be a special person who's been waiting for this to happen but is too shy to ask you out.

You can't consider yourself to be anything but special because whatever happened may not be your fault and could only be minor and easily rectified.

My best.

Geoff.

How can they move on so fast

WaterFront — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 21:53:58 GMT

Hi Tinalea20,

I'm sorry to hear your break-up is causing you to feel so hurt and alone. It is really difficult to understand how someone who claimed to love you can move on so quickly, though I suspect some people just don't actually feel very deeply or maybe they are just more resilient and 'bounce back' more quickly.

I can relate to the 'I go to work and come home that’s my life' comment as I did that for well over a year after my break-up. It does get better and gradually you begin to find interest in other things - it gets too exhausting to dwell.

I found talking on BB helped a lot (I didn't have anyone to talk to about it) and making achievable projects for myself that required super concentration. Writing things down and positive self-talk. Eventually re-connecting with family and friends who I had let slide during the relationship. I say all of these things as a way to give you some ideas that might help.

It's tough for you to be going through this. You are not worthless, your ex just wasn't able to see your worth and that's on him.

Hugs.

How can they move on so fast

Tinalea20 — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 23:03:49 GMT

I’m taking one day at a time, I hate having feelings,

How can they move on so fast

Tinalea20 — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 23:22:36 GMT

There might be a secret someone, but it’s too soon for me, I’m having trouble getting over the fact he is moving on so fast.

How can they move on so fast

WaterFront — Sun, 02 Jan 2022 23:56:44 GMT

Hey TinaLea20,

One day at a time is a good way to go at the moment. One foot in front of the other. Try to do something nice for yourself in each of those days - something you used to enjoy when you were not feeling down - something that will make you smile, or feel good, even if it's just for a moment. Those moments build and then eventually you start feeling better for more of each day. Then, you start feeling yourself more open to opportunities. It takes time to recover.

One of the things I learned in this process is that you cannot control the way others feel or choose to behave and you just have to accept that and focus on the things you can control - the way you respond, behave, think, etc. His ability to move on quickly is out of your control, your ability to move past this is within your control. So yes, your feelings are hurt (and understandably so) and it may take longer for you to start feeling better because of the depth of your emotions.

'No contact' was also one of the things that worked for me as it just allows you to put some distance between the two of you and the situation. It is hard to do. Is this something you think might help? - that way if you don't know what he is doing, you are less hurt by it in the short term.

Hope this helps.

How can they move on so fast

Tinalea20 — Mon, 03 Jan 2022 00:16:24 GMT

Thank you for your reply, I understand completely what your saying, I’m better off not knowing what’s going on. Your responses help me heaps.

How can they move on so fast

geoff — Mon, 03 Jan 2022 15:42:18 GMT

Hello Tinalea, WF is right 'the less you know the better', if you go searching then you may find something that will disappoint you and remember he will lose out when he knows how well you're doing, that's a reason to settle who gets what.

Best wishes.

Geoff.