https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-after-abusive-relationship/m-p/585984#M52410 <P>Hi welcome</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>At a younger age in 1987 I had therapy and he identified that I carried and produced unrealistic thoughts. These ideas were detrimental to my well being.&nbsp; For example I'd previously had a 7 year relationship and she had issues, she'd leave a note every week or more and leave me, return to her mothers then come back. So by the time I was married with someone else those fears remained. So he asked me ":is that realistic"? I replied "no", "then you have to ask your self each time if it is real or a dreamt up idea/fear, then move on from it. And you move on by distracting yourself from those thoughts"</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>So whenever I had those thought come up I'd walk to the letterbox and back, water the garden, attend my hobby in my shed. It works.</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>Finally, be open about it to your partner but make sure it isnt used against you in a future heated discussion. If that occurs remind him you told him in good faith. Treat this sort of thing, the fears as a mild PTSD issue because thats what it is, mental scars that are ingrained that wont go away... but they will fade in a few more years.</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>TonyWK</P> Sun, 25 Feb 2024 06:02:57 GMT white knight 2024-02-25T06:02:57Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-after-abusive-relationship/m-p/585979#M52407 <P>Hey guys.&nbsp;<BR />I’m 22, I was in an abusive relationship for three years with a much older man that affected every part of my life and me. Before that I was living with my mum who was emotionally abusive.&nbsp;<BR />Two years later I’m in a really beautiful relationship and he treats me well. I still always have a feeling of something is happening or going to happen. I know this is just because I haven’t been in a situation where nothing has happened or gone wrong but it’s so hard and even little things I over think and think that it’s going to lead to something big so I start to shut down and feel all the same emotions. &nbsp;I really need some support or anyone who has felt the same to please give me some advice or relate to me.&nbsp;</P> Sun, 25 Feb 2024 03:07:40 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-after-abusive-relationship/m-p/585979#M52407 maisydaisy108 2024-02-25T03:07:40Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-after-abusive-relationship/m-p/585984#M52410 <P>Hi welcome</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>At a younger age in 1987 I had therapy and he identified that I carried and produced unrealistic thoughts. These ideas were detrimental to my well being.&nbsp; For example I'd previously had a 7 year relationship and she had issues, she'd leave a note every week or more and leave me, return to her mothers then come back. So by the time I was married with someone else those fears remained. So he asked me ":is that realistic"? I replied "no", "then you have to ask your self each time if it is real or a dreamt up idea/fear, then move on from it. And you move on by distracting yourself from those thoughts"</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>So whenever I had those thought come up I'd walk to the letterbox and back, water the garden, attend my hobby in my shed. It works.</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>Finally, be open about it to your partner but make sure it isnt used against you in a future heated discussion. If that occurs remind him you told him in good faith. Treat this sort of thing, the fears as a mild PTSD issue because thats what it is, mental scars that are ingrained that wont go away... but they will fade in a few more years.</P><P>&nbsp;</P><P>TonyWK</P> Sun, 25 Feb 2024 06:02:57 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-after-abusive-relationship/m-p/585984#M52410 white knight 2024-02-25T06:02:57Z