topic Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55 in Relationship and family issues

I started hating everyone over the age of 55

Jessksch — Tue, 13 Feb 2024 22:07:21 GMT

I am not going to insult anyone with the word "boomer" because deep down I know not everyone is like that at that age group, but I can't help myself at the moment:

My whole life my parents have put pressure on me and stopped caring about my wants, they wanted me out of the house as soon as possible because I was the youngest and they wanted to retire. I had pressure on me to stay in the country I studied and find any way possible because I was told I was not welcome home again. So I wasted most of my years here trying to figure out a way to stay. Thankfully I have a wonderful fiance whom I've been with now for 12 years.

It may have started there, but lately now I get more and more resentful: I found out after my parents passed they had money, but they got it through doing some horrible things to our company's employees and not very legal stuff. I lost even more respect to them.

Now, I wanted to get past this, but we are having trouble with our landlord. Years ago our kitchen flooded because the upper apartment people put stuff down their drain, our systems were connected and so our kitchen flooded, destroying the old wood flooring. The boards shrunk and gaps are inbetween. I have tried and tried to talk to the real estate and they said they contact the landlord but never get a reply. Finally I saved all the emails and have enough evidence, but I am so angry at this point as everything else is so cheaply made in this apartment and falling apart.

We pay rent on time, are quiet, pay bills, keep things nice and clean and have never had a complaint from our apartment checkups, yet we do the right thing and have to suffer for it.

Not to mention we will never be able to afford a house unless we move way out, thankfully my fiance can get a job there but I would be fucked.

Then my mother in law kept saying she is worried for a war, spending so much money they have doing nothing...whereas us we probably won't even see the point of making it to 60.

At least we aren't as selfish and having children so we make the next generation suffer, but I have become selfish, I just want them to suffer that's how bad my anger is! It is all too much and I have been trying so hard to do the right thing all the time and can't seem to care about people close to me who are in that age range because of all of this! I don't want to be hateful but then I see them talk like this and I get angry again!

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

white knight — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 01:01:14 GMT

Hi, welcome

A difficult post for me to answer and the first of its kind I've come across in 11 years.

I am a boomer (68) and first of all, I concur that many boomers give off an aura of what you describe, the dominance, the selfishness and being unreasonable. So- I'm on your side- mostly. LOL.

It is however very easy to introduce some paranoia on any generation. Our parents gen didnt have the "throw them out at 21yo theory as most young adults were married by then, seriously, then my grandparents gen would lock away mentally ill children so society didnt find out! and lets not talk about the beltings that included teachers.

Those same past gens also fought wars in trenches, came home with malaria and battled PTSD that we never knew existed and we enjoy the freedom that came from their sacrifice. So that is examples of reminding ourselves of the good and bad of all gens.

Your parents attitudes dont run parallel with many couples so I think their treatment of others isnt the norm. And just to mention that gens younger than I also have their quirks. I used to have a trike, a 3 wheeled hot rod of sorts. A younger friend then 25yo with wife and one child, wanted one and "I want it now". I pointed out that he has a young family and I had to wait till 53yo before I could afford one after decades of hard work. It turned out he ended up with 5 sons, one income and isnt happy because he still wants a motorbike trike. This mentality wasnt present in the baby boomer at that age, we had kids at a young adult age (we didnt dare wait for 40yo and begin to consider it lowering our chances hugely nor travel when young) and we worked 2 or 3 jobs to get a house. However house prices werent as out of reach so I respect the truth of the situation.

I did ask a younger member here once about working 3 jobs to sink money into savings for a house deposit and the answer I got was- "no one should sacrifice their evenings of relaxation to put a roof over their heads". So is that an example of failing to sacrifice for the big picture?

I must also mention that I made my own luck. I spent time in the Royal Australian Air Force that qualified me for a home loan (joined at 17yo). I then built 2 homes one at 42yo and one at 64yo. Yes, to save some money I climbed ladders and built the home we are in 4 years ago suffering cramps every night. I made my own luck.

But I do sympathise with your views on some people, the way they think its just the resentment you feel about your parents gen is no different to any resentment of any older gen since time began. Part of my illnesses is lack of focus, I was originally diagnosed with ADHD but more bipolar and now on the autism spectrum. That explains the lack of focus but it didnt justify my grade 6 teacher belting me with a leather strap because of the crime of staring out the window when he yelled "all eyes on me". I never forgot that and youll never forget your parents tossing you out.

Humans create injustices...and always will. Perspectives are gold.

Thankyou for sharing. Reply anytime.

TonyWK

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

HappySheep — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 01:37:39 GMT

Hi Jessksch,

So much anger! That must be very difficult for you to live with you. You seem in such pain. I'm sorry for that. My heart goes out to you.

May I offer some advice? All this anger will be hurting YOU - and probably your relationship with your fiance. Your parents may have been the most evil people on the planet and may have done horrendous things to you - but they have no power over you anymore unless you give it to them. There is a saying: holding on to hatred is like drinking poison yourself, and hoping the other person dies.

I'm not suggesting you turn Buddhist or Jesus-like and forgive people who have hurt you, but that you need to look after yourself, and holding on to such anger against people who are dead is giving them even more power to hurt you, and then allowing that anger to colour the way you see everyone of a certain age-group will hurt you and only you. Your parents are still harming you from beyond the grave.

There will always be bastards out there who are selfish landlords or nasty employers etc. etc. but if you allow them all to have such a huge impact on you, you will burn yourself out with anger. Have a look at what you can control and what is out of your control. Your parents sucked, but they can't hurt you any more. How can you find a way to repair or live with the damage that they have done? Do you need/are you getting professional help? At the moment it seems you have been badly burnt, but are leaving your arm in the fire.

Can you do anything to deal with the landlord? My understanding is that the Real Estate agent should be the one dealing with the landlord, not you. Does your State have a Residential Tenancies Authority or similar body that looks after the rights of tenants? I definitely suggest you check it out. It seems to me that your Real Estate agents are the problem here. There may be nothing you can do except move. It definitely sounds like that would do your mental health the world of good - find somewhere to live where you are not at the mercy of people who will treat you badly.

I don't mean this to sound like a lecture, I truly understand the rage associated with helplessness due to the inability to fight back against people who harm us. It's a horrible place to be in. There is nothing worse than that impotence of feeling like someone is hurting you again and again and you have absolutely no come back against them. Especially as you seem to be suffering on all fronts.

Please try to take care of yourself. Your sound like this rage is getting worse and it may eventually make you explode. I don't wish that for you. Be kind to yourself. Sometimes we are surrounded by bastards and we can't do anything about them. Take care.

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

Jessksch — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 02:25:25 GMT

Thank you so much for the reply, and honestly I am so sorry if I have insulted your generation in this way, because as I stated, I know not all of you are like that, and there are pros and cons to each generation. It's good because you are right, my depression does cloud my judgement and my emotions sometimes get out of line, but after a few hours of distraction, away from social media and the news I calm down.

I totally understand the struggle that my parents and your generation has gone through, if anything I feel sorry that you were forced with the idea you had to have children and give up your own life to enjoy it.

Thankfully we are not planning on having children so we do not do the same mistake and at least don't actually owe anyone except our pets!

You definitely had to work back breaking jobs and multiple jobs to get a house even back in your day, but honestly when you do calculate the cost of working two jobs (average then would be 60k per year for two jobs) and a house costing now 800,000 to 1.2million, if we had children, it would take more than just a few decades to pay for a house. Child care, food, bills; everything has also gone up in price. A grocery list for two people has gone up to the price of a family of 4 when we compared to each other with friends, and we cook a large meal each week to save us through the week.

My fiance has gone through everything to build up a career, and makes great money, around 100k a year, but only recently at age 33 he reached that point and giving up friends and a social life and now suffers from debilitating depression and sees a psychologist because of it and the pain and pressure he was under.

Yet, after all of this, it will take us now another few decades to even save up for a deposit for 100k min for most areas (for a 600k house).

My father was the same, he worked day and night but gave up more and more time to spend with his wife, his children; started drinking heavily and cheating on my mother to the point he had a second home to go to.

I think it is wrong to say you have to break your back to save and climb ladders, because even now when you stay at a job for 20 years they will easily let you go for someone younger, and you have to use up most of your savings to find another job in the same field which is more competitive.

So I agree to disagree, I agree you worked hard, and previous generations had to fight in stupid wars and you guys deserve the rest, but I also think if you want to think for yourselves, then you should not have had children in the first place because you have a responsibility to not ruin it for your children's future generation by raising high rental prices, fighting to higher minimum wage for your children etc.

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

Jessksch — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 02:46:56 GMT

Thank you so much for your reply as well! Yes I do have some very bad bouts of anger and honestly, after a few hours of distraction and getting away from social media, I feel a lot better. Thankfully I have been doing quite well to regulate my emotions and to take a step back from an outside point of view of how unreasonable my thoughts are sometimes and to go back to being more "realistic".

I am still worried about the whole landlord thing, I did have a video of the flooding but it got deleted so I was quite worried about it all. However, I have saved emails now discussing with the landlord since beginning this year where I reiterated that it was not our fault and we haven't heard back since last year when someone came to measure it.

I got a reply back from the real estate they send a quote to the landlord from the floor people but never got a reply and she will contact them again about it.

At least I have everything in writing and in email form with date and time to show we are doing everything correctly and it shows also that the real estate agrees it was not our fault as they tried sending the quote to the landlord.

The sad thing is, I love my job at the moment and things around here have gotten too expensive so if we have to move we will have to move very far away where I won't do my dream job (but at least my fiance will still have another facility to work at nearby there).

It's just my fiance has been going through a lot and I hate the idea now to suddenly up and move while he is still going through something, it's so damn hard!

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

HappySheep — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 06:33:55 GMT

You are doing the right things with the landlord/real estate. There does seem to be a Residential Tenancy Authority in each State. Look up the one for your State. They will help you out.

Take care.

HS.

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

Jessksch — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 07:58:59 GMT

Thank you, I am kind of giving the landlord more chances as we are so happy with the area but if she will fix it and retaliate with increasing our rent, then maybe we will move. They have every right to increase the rent as well since we are not paying as much as other people in the area, but I still hope they won't do that just out of spite 😞

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

Jessksch — Thu, 15 Feb 2024 09:12:06 GMT

I just don't know what to do with my anger anymore

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

HappySheep — Thu, 15 Feb 2024 22:09:10 GMT

Are you getting professional help? Your anger could be a symptom of depression or other poor mental health. Go and see your GP. You're on the forums, reaching out for help - make sure you take all the help that's available! We can other support, empathy and advice but it sounds to me like you may be needing something more urgent. There's a button on the webpage if you need urgent help - press it, please.

Do you have friends or family supporting you?

Do not let these negative emotions consume you.

Please come back and tell us you're reaching out to someone who can help you.

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

Jessksch — Fri, 16 Feb 2024 12:06:13 GMT

Yeah I am seeing a psychologist and am on medication. I recently talked to my psychologist and I have been coping quite well, and I told her about all this anger and I do have enough empathy to understand that everyone is going through it these days, but it's still not solving the issues.

It seems my issue is more a societal situation, since it is affecting everyone and nothing that really can be cured with medication or all the techniques I learnt.

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

white knight — Sat, 17 Feb 2024 06:53:17 GMT

Short story-

it was 1987 at31yo. I was a dog ranger and had the horrible task of issuing parking fines as well in a semi country town. I got a complaint that a long white car was parking all day in a one hour zone and often in a disabled zone too. So I issued the measly $12 fine. Returning to my office one day my boos said firmly "ignore that white car in future". I was outraged as I was a veteran in the game and never told to turn my eyes as pensioners and unemployed had to pay them, why not this person?

So next day patrolling I noticed that boos watching me from a hill. I had a choice... I left another ticket. Hours later an argument followed and I got chest pains. I was immediately taken from my work and told by my doctor I had a heart attack. That was later found to be a misdiagnosis, it was a bad panic attack.

Eventually, fighting the bosses, I was sacked in a kangaroo court. I was right but that doesnt mean you are safe in a corrupt environment.

I had therapy at the time and learned a lot. In particular my therapist said "you are one of 8 billion people that all have shades of grey, yet you are black and white". He wasnt saying I was wrong, he was saying I could have handled it better eg told those bosses I wont patrol that street, they can.

The owner of that long white car? A local State politician... and I didnt know that till later. He had asked my bosses to let him park there.

So the reason I bring this up is the word- acceptance. This is a faulty, distorted world. Humans are imperfect, sneaky, cunning and many out to deceive for money. Morals are few. Generations act in certain unique ways compared to other generations because of the environment at the time. In my youth hippies, long hair, tattoos (how criminal lol), nude swimming at rock concerts (Sunbury) ... all these things shocked the previous generation that came from short hair, intercourse only after marriage and swimming wear that covered the next person as well.

TonyWK

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

Jessksch — Sun, 18 Feb 2024 06:01:33 GMT

This is such a wrong take, if morals are so few why go on living then? It doesn't make it at all worth it.

If anything I think maybe then with this take, humanity had a good run and we should do whatever we can to make it run out as fast as possible.

If you are saying this is how the world is, then I don't want to be in it. If our only choices are to accept this, or not, then at least give us a painless way to end it all.

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

HappySheep — Sun, 18 Feb 2024 09:54:01 GMT

If you are truly thinking this way, hit the 'immediate support ' button NOW. Or phone Lifeline or some other immediate support service.

No one here is saying it's not worth living or that there are no morals. That is your mind telling you those things. Please, get help now if that's what you're feeling.

LOOK AROUND YOU. Your state of mind is causing you to focus only on the people doing bad things. Look up from the immediate surroundings and see all the people doing absolutely wonderful things. For every evil landlord or abusive parent, there are three or four people giving their lives to help others. There is a wonderful saying I heard that goes something like: whenever you watch the news and despair, don't look at the protagonist, look at the bystanders. They may not make the news story, but for every selfish mass-shooter, you'll find the people who risked their lives trying to drag others away from the firing line. The world is full of people who go into burning buildings to rescue cats, or who devote their lives to raising orphans.

That's what we're trying to show you. There will always be evil people out there - but you cannot let them change you to become one of them or one of their victims. Look to the people who do even little things to help others. They're the people we need to spend time focussing on. Please, please, think back over this rough time you are having, and look for those moments of kindness and help. THAT'S where the importance of the world lies.

We just never see these people because we are looking for the ones who hurt us - not the ones who help.

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

white knight — Sun, 18 Feb 2024 14:47:31 GMT

Well we are talking about negative aspect of human living. There is far more positive things that swamp our lives that media don't report. Look at your garden, watch the bees... nothing more wonderful than that.

TonyWK

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

Jessksch — Sun, 18 Feb 2024 18:41:44 GMT

yes, you are right. Though I still disagree there is a big problem in society at the moment, I slept on it and feel a bit better about everything. I still hope that things will change that things will be a reasonable price again, that we can just work hard and earn enough to actually save for things to enjoy life.

Re: I started hating everyone over the age of 55

white knight — Mon, 19 Feb 2024 03:45:48 GMT

Happy sheep is right.

My therapist said "are you thinking realistically". Being negative is a sorrowful way to live. So I attended motivation lectures and set out to disprove my perceptions.

PROBLEM FLOWER

I sitting in the sun

I pick a daisy flower

Pick a petal for each of my woes

And count them by the hour

The as I stare at what is left

And my problems as big as a city tower

I realise all these issues

Are not as many as that flower...

For every negative thought there us a positive one if you look. Eg I can't buy a house but I have legs...

TonyWK