topic Re: Parental alienation influencing to my children to turn against and reject me. in Relationship and family issues

Parental alienation influencing to my children to turn against and reject me.

Brad82 — Fri, 12 Jan 2024 07:50:11 GMT

Parental alienation is what my Ex is influencing to my children to turn against and reject me.

What would be a good solution for me in this situation?

Re: Parental alienation influencing to my children to turn against and reject me.

white knight — Sun, 14 Jan 2024 05:30:21 GMT

Hi Brad, welcome

Briefly, I separated from my ex wife in 1996 after 11 years of narcissistic treatment from her. I had to gamble that she'd look after our children 7 and 4yo then, and I'd try to be the best part time dad I could be. I knew the risk of her turning our kids against me. I had our kids every second weekend and some holidays. I paid all child support plus I buy the kids clothes and fruit as their mother wouldnt buy fruit.

So I had some concerns but got through it until our eldest when 12yo came to live with me and my partner. Of course one child each, the child support stopped. I also found out that the real reason our eldest left her home was that our child was being treat with the same narcissism that I endured (and it led to a suicide attempt for me just before separation). So our daughter suffer psychological terror. As a 34yo now she has extensive mental health issues stemming from that abuse. So knowing this at the time I was in a tough situation because there was no way to prove abuse. Also I learned my ex had begun to demonise me with the younger daughter which led to my youngest at 14yo terminating our relationship. "I dont want to see you anymore" were words I'll never forget in a phone call, no explanation. However, at 21yo, 24yo and 26yo she knocked on my door. This is one thing to realise Brad, they do come knocking!.

Those occasions gave me hope that I could indeed have a second daughter in my life and each occasion I gave her every opportunity however each time she either only wanted contact for money or information about what I'm doing in life, there was no real intent on forming a close bond. Unfortunately the narcissism from my ex downloaded to that daughter and eventually I refused to swallow it and broke off altogether that was 4 years ago. My eldest has a close bond with me and hasnt seen her sister and birth mother for 15 years.

The gut wrenching hollow and sad situation you are in has no answer but to hang in there and BE THERE if and when they come knocking. One day they might realise their mother was unfair, even evil in demonising their father and come to you. But hold you head high, keep sending birthday cards and above all else, stay busy with sports, hobbies and remaining yourself, dont let it devour you.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

Demonising the other parent so bad

Alone without your kids can make you mad

But they can never destroy your fatherhood

Evil cant feed on a dad thats good

So cast away all visions of her

if you dont focus she's just a blur

live your life and wait for that day so glad

when a knock on the door with a word- hey dad...

TonyWK

Re: Parental alienation influencing to my children to turn against and reject me.

quirkywords — Sun, 14 Jan 2024 09:28:19 GMT

Brad

Tony has given you a support and practical reply.

I know adults who as children had one parent critisise the other. When they were old enough they realised how one parent was alienating the other.
i am not sure how old your children are so can you keep communicating though letters phone call or texts .

Re: Parental alienation influencing to my children to turn against and reject me.

Brad82 — Tue, 16 Jan 2024 09:13:31 GMT

Thank you so much for your reply means a lot 🥲 My children are 9&8, I will be booking my self in with a psychologist to help me through this 😞

Re: Parental alienation influencing to my children to turn against and reject me.

white knight — Tue, 16 Jan 2024 19:50:26 GMT

Great. Also keep a log of any information that could be beneficial later on.

TonyWK

Re: Parental alienation influencing to my children to turn against and reject me.

quirkywords — Thu, 18 Jan 2024 06:06:24 GMT

Brad

I am glad you will be getting support from a psychologist.

I agree Writing down information and dating it is helpful.

all the best