Time to give up

Louisegal — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 07:52:18 GMT

Hi all. First timer here.

My parents divorced when I was 8yrs old, I have an older sister(8yrs older) who was always spoilt & time spent on. Over the years there's been alot of dirty water under the bridge with my mum, sister & I. I've kept in contact with my mum, even though we've never been close, I've always helped & given support. Over 6 yrs ago I wrote a letter to my mum to try & reach out & improve our relationship. In short what was in the letter was about how the divorce affected me & that I don't remember any of my childhood. How I always felt left out & looked down upon. (I wasn't a smart kid but more practical. Whereas my sister was & alot of attention given to her.) How I was bullied at school, etc.

And how over my adult life I have tried steps to make our relationship closer. At one stage I even moved up to where my mum was to be closer, but nothing changed. I even helped my mum look after her parents.

After a year I moved back to where I was from(better work) as I couldn't see things improving in our relationship. But I would still keep in contact weekly & visit a few times a year.

On my visits my mother never made arrangements or wanted to spend quality time with me like going on walks, shopping,etc. She would go about her days like I wasn't there. Went to outings, bingo, etc.

So a few years ago I decided to distance myself from her for my own mental health as my mum is a very negative person & can't see the positive in anything. I have explained this to her & she still doesn't understand why I have distanced myself.

Now she rings & the first thing she says is 'oh your still alive then'.

I just feel I can't win. What can I do.

Thanks in advance

Re: Time to give up

Faith2010 — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 15:45:41 GMT

Hi Louise, I felt/feel same way sometimes, but went to family Christmas dinner despite my fears of rejection and resentments at past hurts and was glad I went and seen my mum happy I was there. I did tell her how I felt in a txt a couple of days before which im not sure is always a good idea but tryed not to use you statements or angry words. & I talked to a Christian friend before going & she probably helped to just listen & not take sides and show abit of compassion towards my mum as I do want to be forgiving of my mum & have a loving relationship if possible and keep trying & hoping I guess although very painful sometimes hopefully will be worth it as I remember a friend once telling me she regretted not seeing her mum for years before she died. Also there is a support group called acoa that has meetings to support adult children of dysfunctional and alcoholic parents which im hoping will help me more 1 day. My mum has rejected me alot & pushed me away with anger, rage & mental instability at times & I had to live in care as a teenager & i feel likes loves my brother more at times like celabrates his birthday not mine ect so our stories are different but still relate to the difficulties. All the best

topic Time to give up in Relationship and family issues

Time to give up

Re: Time to give up