topic Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless. in Relationship and family issues

Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Tue, 31 Oct 2023 10:11:31 GMT

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Tue, 31 Oct 2023 22:03:58 GMT

l've started this in a new thread bc it's gonna be a new start sooo, l suppose l should start from here.

There'll be another huge change next yr too now l'm dreading , and with both these things now and my mind frame of late , energy level, l just dk. To me the two biggest things in life though especially as we get older well, l just didn't bloody need it tbh it's not where life was suppose to be at this stage.

1st relationship but now soon it will be housing too.

l'll probably be moving away and out of my place here next yr but there's a bigger story to all that too , few things actually but mainly is that, l probably won't be getting anything out of the house here financially bc of the deal l did to move into it. Whole nother story that one thing is though so that'll mean it's not like l'll be loaded up with cash from selling this place bc l won't be able to sell it, l'll just be moving out, just like from a rental.

l do have a couple of small investments but nowhere near enough to buy something else in todays mad mad house prices , so ldk wth l'll be doing tbh.

l've even thought of just buying a cheapo caravan and wondering about in that for awhile until l figure things out bc rents are also mad too but l have no idea yet where l'd even wanna live yet anyway so l don't wanna waste money and effort moving into just some rental just anywhere.

Weird isn't it, my ex w and l travelled aus and moved about for 10 yrs early on bc we did wanna be the typical working all our lives and doing when we're old later like the typical but ha, might end up doing it anyway now.

You've probably heard of all the grey nomad craze going old and older people selling up and travelling living in their caravan instead ha, that might be me after all.

With anything housing gf and were tossing and turning about the last few yrs but now that that's kaput , it's gonna be a totally different scenario and l'll be tossing up alone on it all.

Ha , maybe l'll like the lifestyle and won't even wanna buy another house even if l could , maybe l'll drive it upto Broome and park on the beach there and to hell with it all. Now there's an idea.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

CMF — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 12:19:41 GMT

Hi rx,

Sorry everything has taken such a downward turn.when it rains it pours. When do you need to decide about your living situation?

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 13:27:57 GMT

Hey cm ,found it eh.

Ahh , well next yr is by choice actually , l could stay longer but l've been wanting to move awhile now was just waiting on my d's situation and to see what gf and l did too.

l'll come out of this one with a bit not much though, and l do own another cheapie country cabin that's rented out but the both things combined can't match the crazy prices goin on at the moment. Wish l wanted to just stay here then not that much would change apart from gf stuff , but l've wanted to move a few yrs now.

How you goin anyway?

Actually l'll go take a look.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 21:02:22 GMT

Mind you on gf stuff, l was usually a bit weird with her too.

Couple of things but trust was huge for me , bc l'd always wonder if all her nice together was real , so l was often hold back with her bc as soon as we were apart again she'd change and l'd know it would come again .

lt was usually like none of the good things and time together even happened . Often even after ph calls , we'd have the most beautiful ph calls. Yet often even just the very next day, she'd start talking down on us again or start saying she couldn't have a relationship again and bla bla bla.

She couldn't see herself, couldn't see the patterns either, and she couldn't see me or see what l needed from her for me to be all in properly.

She couldn't seem to understand the damage the ways she 'd act, total opposites really would do to us and my feelings, especially trust.

Didn't seem to get that those things aren't forgotten or just brushed of , even though l did actually do a lot of that too and tried to just put it down to pressures she was still under at home and and al the stuff she'd gone through, mh.

But it all still stuck even at those time if only subconsciously.

l can't be all in or even take anything for real , if you knew the minute you were apart again , she'd start all that stuff again , no matter how nice she was together, it was just as if any of that was just fake.

She even did it yet again after the last call we had. lt was the most beautiful call, a few hrs and we talked about all sorts of things , and there was so much leve and feeling, emotion, yet boom. The very next morning , like l'd had 10 times before, l get this big mile long text , she can't be in a relationship , her health, and saying all this bad stuff about us , it was like the call never even happened.

l mean just wth was l suppose to do with that.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

Skary Bill — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 13:16:21 GMT

Mate, I just found this thread. What a wild ride you've been on. My heart goes out to you dude. As you say, that's really hard to work with. There's no questioning your loyalty.. But you definitely deserve some stability.

As I travel my path and repeatedly pick myself up from knock downs. I find myself craving simplicity. A simple roof overhead. Milk in the fridge for tomorrows morning cuppa. People who give back the energy I give them. It's the little things.

I know this is all pretty fresh for you mate. And I don't want to be that guy with the annoyingly positive perspective. But the universe seems to be offering you a fresh start. And given how complicated things sound right now. Maybe it's a gift. I say that as a guy living under a tarp in a forest. So I'm not being flippant about starting over.

With the caravan. My go-to option is Airlie Beach. lol. Haven't been there since I was a kid. But I've always thought it would be a lovely spot to spend one of life's low ebbs. And if that's too hot, Atherton tablelands. Either way, I reckon the van option is sound. I picked up a clapped out 76 Vicount with a decent frame.. doing the full interior rebuild on it. And the other thing that may not be crazy is a yacht.. Mooring fees are generally quite cheap compared to van sites or similar..

I'm going to follow this thread and stay in touch. Make sure you take the time to put on some sad music and just let yourself be sad. Otherwise it will just rattle around inside and beat you up more. Take it easy mate.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 21:17:45 GMT

Eh there bill , man how th did you come across this thing but eh very appreciated and thks very much .

Weird reading your thread and the way things had gone. lt sounded so similar to before this house, l went and stayed at my cabin, first time ever. Built it myself a few yrs before , it's only, 6mtr x 3 and very simple. Just one solar panel and the shower l made inside that never did work haha , and a little one burner gas stove. l made a loft bed so l could store stuff underneath,loved that bed.

Weird tiny little town, l thought would be full of real country people l wouldn't fit with bc l'm a city boy and a weird one at that but that was ok thought l'll just hang out mind my own business, cabin was treed in and v private on the very edge of town. lt turns out, there was some very nice people there had come up from the city and from all over too actually bc it was so cheap there. Made a few street chit chat friends as l'd go for walks, few single girls about too renovating old houses, living in their cars in the yards it was classic, right down my alley - who would've thought eh. Cried the day l moved over there after marriage butttt, turned out one of the nicest 18mths l'd ever had.

Anywayyyy, it's been rented out since, lot of people about quite happy to live like that and pay low rent in these mad days.

Funny , my 1 panel home made solar could power my 100watt stereo no worries so l let the music rip any time really , was so cool. It'd charge up the tool batteries ph, pc through the day, even jump started the car of it a few times.

Guy renting it says he wants to buy it, l'm 50 50 bc he's been there a long time and l feel obligated to do it cheaper but really, l need the money so. He might not even buy it yet but it's a whatever atm soo, we see.

And thks again to , gf , yeah. ldk man, just dk. She is such a damn sweetheart and we exist sooo well together when we are, hard to find for me but somehow we're both the same, live the same. But thennnn, she gets back up to syd, and go's banana's again, ldk. She doesn't get my hold back and trust, dk how, but l can't be full in when she's like that.

Mind you , she probably wouldn't be like that if l'd committed earlier and been all in , l just couldn't tell though how stable she would be though given all her stuff.

Your doin up the viscount eh , how cool, thought l might do that too so that l'm not under any pressure later to buy or rent and then l could take my time.

ln a way l feel like it might be a gift too, this house although it's been beautiful living , is too damn big for mostly only one, costs a lot, and it's been a stressful thing too.

l'm probably outa space here , l'll get back.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

Skary Bill — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 08:37:56 GMT

Yeah, the simple home made 6x3 sounds like my cup of tea. Except ppl are giving solar panels away and I have about a dozen out. I'm a bit of a nerd. I don't think I'd sell my little spot unless I was sure of what I wanted to buy with the proceeds. And I like the idea of putting a nice lockable container or similar somewhere on the block to store whatever I care about and free me up to travel. I dunno. just one of the ideas that swirls around.

Super tough situation with your GF. The way things can be so great when you're together.. But gone the next day. That's hectic man. Your heart is on a yoyo string.. And I know us blokes are expected to just be made of sterner stuff.. But that's going to leave a mark sooner or later. I don't feel that we're close enough friends for me to say what I'm really thinking. But you know what it is. What I will say is don't undervalue yourself mate. You seem like a pretty all round decent bloke. You're not wrong to fight for a relationship that you value. But you do deserve to be happy too.
Is there a chance of her ever not going back to Syd? or does she have to?

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 10:24:41 GMT

Thanks very much for that . Actually l might even close this thread though after and start a different one bc the damn title and gf things gonna haunt me right through you understand, and what if l'm still here 6mths time it'll still be doing it. Sooo, maybe something different and then l can also just rant abotu that too within the new one if l need to.

But yeah , l know your right and thx for the thoughts too. l have been getting sick of the bs and she does know that now. We're suppose to b not together atm but we do still talk a bit , she's back up there now. But l don't take it as an us thing now and l'm not still in partner mode if you know what l mean. We just chat a bit about whatever's been going on but tbh l'm feeling like moving myself away from that a bit more of late.Just don't feel like dealing with that yeah, yo yo.

But yeah, she did want to move in here earlier, fact l wasn't ready sorta started all this stuff. l mean l get it but ldk. Still figuring it out now and myself too tbh, and what l wanna do.

And yeah see with the cabin , it's on 1/2 a hect, that's pretty well what l'm thinking too. might decide tomove back myself yet who knows but also if l don't have something else in mind and ready, wouldn't trust myself trying to hold on to the money while l'm waiting. So l'm easy if he doesn't buy it's still rented which really helps out too so atm , happy to let it ride.

l built a shed to store all my other stuff and to block out the neighbours behind too. People use to throw out perfect sheets at the scrap metal didn't really cost anything and it all come up pretty good really. Put a pergola around cabin and a small deck got the morning sun. just loved the simplicity, l wanna minimal right back down again to now tbh.

Hope things are rolling nicely for you anyway my friend and thx again.

Let ya know if l do start that other thread.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

Carus — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 14:13:12 GMT

Hello Random*

I thought it only fair that I drop a quick comment on your thread*

You've been a long way with this girl and obviously care about her. Sounds like she might be a bit bi-polar? Which can be difficult to navigate and deal with.....

There may come a time when you really do just get sick of it and say "I'm done!"....and perhaps that time is not yet.....

But no need to focus too hard on that. You'll know if and when it does come*

Regards*

Carus*

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

Skary Bill — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 14:58:56 GMT

Hey RX, fair enough mate. Glad you're lookin after yourself. I'll keep an eye out for a new thread for sure.

That cabin setup sounds sweet. And yes, its amazing what people don't want. Really useful stuff if you're clever enough to put it to use. 😄 Anyway, take it easy. Chat again soon.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 12:03:02 GMT

Thanks for that Carus.

Yeah we have you bet , people couldn't imagine where we've been tbh and all right through 2state Covid lockdowns and borders too while we were at it-pretty tricky 1200k apart man the things we did. The things she did actually too,still can't believe them especially with what else she was going through at the same time.

Even thinking about all that now,no wonder she tries to give us up when here l was still iffy. No woman would've done the things she did through Covid read about couples all over the world and man, we and she left them in the dust.

There so many things, haven't divulged a fraction of them through this so nah, don't think it's bp, it's just hard to explain , but cause and effects.

Tbh ,l think more about my problem than hers, why am l still half in half out, she warned me 5yrs was going to be it.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 12:23:53 GMT

Gday Bill and thanks mate,hope your rolling along ok .

The sheets and shed were a funny thing really like l was looking for a good buy in materials at the time to build it but at the same time dropping stuff of down at the scrap and seeing all these 100s of sheets people were just throwing out, some of it brand new sooo,l couldn't resist.

l wish l had the time over though with the cabin bc l would've built it in tiny house on wheels form.

Btw , did l see somewhere you were picking up kit sheds ?

Bit of a contrast to the other post l've just done but what can l say. One thing l have been seriously thinking about though is a tiny house actually. l don't want another mortgage later or another big house, l want things as simplistic as possible when l leave here. tHis place has been so much work, and there was the cabin property and before that ex and l had a few small acreage properties .You know, on top of all that life and the world is just so damn complicated these days, l just crave minimalist simplicity.

l'm even considering picking up a large caravan base and building a tiny house.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 21:44:46 GMT

l did answer the last few posts here a day or two back ,thanks for those but my latest seems to have gone west so l won't try again yet bc it might still turn up yet.

lots of reflecting last few days though and probably not smart but l was reading through lots of messages between us from over the yrs,l saved a lot of them in a sep folder.

l've thought this a few time over the yrs but l think it probably me and my actions that's made her be so on off a lot of the time and added into the stress she's been under.

She's been soooooo loving , from day one. A psychic friend of mine even told me that , he reads faces , he's very good and usually spot on. Once he was just staring at a photo of us - which l hate it when he does that bc he might see bad news - seen him do it with other people and it's always turned out.

l said mate l feel really uncomfortable with you staring at our photo like that it's scaring me.

He said my friend , you have nothing to worry about , your just being silly with all your worry. She loves you sooooo much , do you realize how much she loves you, her love is very real. Do you know what l'd give to meet a girl like her l'd give everything l own to meet someone like that, your so lucky and you've found your love, now it's my turn.

[ he's been meeting people a long while now after a really bad marriage but unfortunately he hasn't had much luck so far with women}

l wrote what he said down word for word back then and saved it with the other stuff, but l've forgotten all about it until l just saw again it with the other stuff the other day.

He was right ,l looked at that photo and it is all over her, it's all over others too and in all the messages and her words, it's everywhere.

Bloody hell , l think l've been a fool.

l just couldn't trust allow myself to trust again, and so l often blocked it and never believed.l was so cruel in shutting it down , l cut our stays short and hers when she'd gone to all that trouble to fly down - even all through covid and lock downs and borders , through all of it. Won't go into that again it's in the other missing post that might turn up yet.

l've literally blocked her love from day one and l haven't been very good to her either at all bc l didn't believe it and so didn't trust it was real , self preservation.

l'd even brushed of affection and words of love , same reasons , right through.

She told me last trip down , this would be her last and if it didn't work out or l was still closed then that's gonna be it , 5yrs is enough.

l brushed that of too, even sabotaged subconsciously to l think.

l've been doing it for yrs, she's never had her full love returned but she's the one that's kept trying , even flying down again that last trip. She was spose to be here mths , still here now, but l made excuses and cut it short, again !

And so once again she's got back to syd hurt and confused bc of my hold backs and the way l've been right through, and started getting stressed and negative and given up. And she told me outright 5yrs this was gonna be her last if it didn't work out or l was still like that- but there l was, again.

That's all for now,l need to think, self therapy .

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 21:52:24 GMT

My cards have been reading big love , since we met. But here l've been not believing that either.

And they're still saying the same thing l did a read the other day, exactly the same.

God almighty wth is wrong with me.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 12:52:47 GMT

l've told myself right through the cards were talking about someone else and tbh they have been very confusing bc they've never done something like this consistently for yrs on end before.

Anyway, excuse that rants , lot of thinking been going on. We talked today , only messaging . She woke me this morning with this long odd convo, but she has such a tone about her atm l know she's turned back toward us again. Though we haven't talked about anything like that or us l've certainly been thinking as you can see and l can hear she is again too.

ldk,l just can't throw in the towel just yet, l can't see or feel anyone else, it all just feels unresolved, like there's more.

She'll be back from Japan before christmas and atm l'm thinking about going up if she's open to it and we can talk, should talk. But l need to be 110% honest to her.

Well , that's been my thoughts atm anyway but if it leads to nowhere or things change meantime then, l'd be thinking it'd have to be time to accept it.

l could be wrong about her,maybe she is just all over the shop and as unreliable as it seems sometimes but on the other hand, things l've been realizing would certainly cause a lot of the same especially on top of her other stressors.

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

Carus — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 04:09:58 GMT

Unfortunately she is very up and down and sadly you've been drawn into her up and down world. In your first post you stated you'd had enough....Perhaps not just yet yeh, but I feel that time is coming.

Sorry to hear you're caught up in the tarot card thing. I have my own opinions about that stuff and had to wean off them a few years back. They were keeping me hanging onto false hope where there was none...

My father died many years ago...and at the age of 73, my mum met another guy and they were together 20 years before he too passed on.....just saying*

Also, talking pros and cons, there are definately perks of being single. So I wouldn't fear that too much.

Ever Forward Rx.

Regards

Carus*

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

white knight — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 04:43:35 GMT

Hi RX

I'm 67yo and if my wife passed or we split I've already decided I'd live the rest of my days in a caravan or mobile homes if affordable. No bond, no furniture, maybe a push bike or postie bike on the back or in a trailer.

I have wikicamps as a app, that tells me everything on free camps. It costs $8 one off payment.

Live free.

The other thing is, after 60yo it is a far better lifestyle on a friendship basis, you meet so many single people on the road, stay friends, meet up at different places and so on.

Something to ponder on.

TonyWK

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 05:36:33 GMT

Thanks for the thoughts Carus

Those perks, yeah you aren't wrong. Funny, well sort of, l was very happily married for 15yrs of our 21 but even through those l was constantly amazed at just how complicated being married made life. Even the simplest of things not only the bigger things.

10 yrs now and most of that either alone or with a p'time gf and it's funny , but again the differences of being together verses alone, just blow my mind.This is one of the biggest reasons l've held back. Tbh l quite like p/t until further notice but any woman l've been involved with since, has wanted more and it's been the same with gf, she's wanted marriage 3yrs now.

Even love my trips to sydney or to the airport picking her up, she hates all that and she hates being apart but me,l could go on like this yrs yet and still have my alone time.

lt may come to acceptance yet yeah. l;m still having trouble committing to more, hence her 5yrs thing, and fair enough.

Cards ah, l don't do Tarots although ex w use to, l hated those damn things and l agree with. l've mainly just used another verity 35yrs now in my business, bc they're spot on. Businesses have many decisions to make and in that they've def' helped. But l don't use them for life in anyway never have, this is why it's strange they've started talking about love, when for 30yrs earlier it's just been purely business. But l'm winding down my business so yeah, they'll be going too now.

All the best

Re: Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 06:09:36 GMT

Hi there Tony and thanks for the thoughts.

But mate yeah this is the way l've been feeling.

ldk if it was in my posts that haven't turned up yet or already in here somewhere but all pretty well the exact things l've craved last few yrs now.

Ex and l had small ac properties and reno's, l've still had the cabin right through, then l got this place which never ends, ya know, l just so badly crave minimalist, nothingness, peace of mind.

Funny but vans are part of my business and l see at work all the time how they have everything anyone could ever need really to my mind even an old one,so nice, tiny houses on wheels but soooo much simpler than property. Been on my mind for yrs l feel disillusioned with property and owning these days . Even gf said a few times, maybe we should just go live in a van and travel, hmmm, not a bad idea, not bad at all.

But l could see it alone too as ya say, if that's the way it goes.

Thanks for that site ,l'll certainly be checking that one out what a great idea.

All the best