topic Re: Sex with strangers in Relationship and family issues

Sex with strangers

IBambi — Thu, 20 Apr 2023 19:43:52 GMT

I don't know why, all of a sudden I have the urge to have sex with strangers. I am trying to meet with people just for sex. I don't even want a conversation sometimes. I don't even know their name and I seem to be getting worse and it's pretty quickly. Whenever I have free time, I will find someone new. I don't know why this has come about. I havnt been able to get in to see my psychologist in the last few months. It's a bit of a drive and hard to get appointments. I don't even know if I could tell my psychologist this. I need help but at same time, I want to continue to have sex with strange people. I just know its not right. I don't have time for a relationship and I have a young child and although I struggle to find time. If an appointment is cancelled or I suddenly have time, first thing I do is find someone. I do use protection and I am enjoying myself. Its just constantly on my mind and its starting to consume me

Re: Sex with strangers

geoff — Thu, 20 Apr 2023 22:11:48 GMT

Hello IBambi, wanting to have sex with a stranger eliminates any reason why you should or shouldn't have it with a partner/spouse, usually there are no questions asked or discussed and for a female to be in this position means that a lot of single men/women would probably say yes, however, when you look back at this years to come, you would wonder why you ever did this, especially when you already have a young child.

Have you thought about other ways to satisfy your sexual needs because you can never be sure what a stranger may do as you have asked them, so your safety is of prime concern.

You must also consider that if you do find someone, then the possibility of them wanting to start a relationship with you may occur.

All of this becomes very complicated and may turn out to be messy.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Re: Sex with strangers

JED1980 — Fri, 21 Apr 2023 02:20:27 GMT

Hi IBambi

First of all, there is no judgemeny here whatsoever. Who you choose to have sex with, is completely your choice.

I guess my concern is that you don't know why you are doing it. My suggestion would be to go back to your psychologist and flesh this out a bit more as you have expressed concerns about why this escalating.

Being as you are one on one with these people, not knowing much about them, it could lead to a physically unsafe situation. You need to consider more than just your sexual health.

Always here if you need a chat

Re: Sex with strangers

Guest_1055 — Fri, 21 Apr 2023 04:14:35 GMT

Hello lbambi,

As I was reading your post ,the thought of you possibly being addicted came to me.

It may sound weird but if you think about addiction to things such as gambling, alcohol, drugs, excessive shopping, internet gaming and food. Well some of us get a high from these. I do with food and shopping. The release of dopamine in the brain from doing these things that bring some kind of happy, excitement, nice feelings or as a way to escape from unpleasant things and emotions in our lives.

If you want to look further look up Dr Doug Lisle he works as a psychologist in US. He has written a book called the Pleasure Trap which talks more about addictions including sex type ones. You can find him on ytube as well, including TED talks.

Maybe this would help you .

Re: Sex with strangers

Batukawa — Mon, 04 Sep 2023 04:04:07 GMT

I think like every thing else in life, moderation is better.

Perhaps you need to cultivate other interesting activities to give you more balance to your life.

Perhaps when you find someone you really like, you could then have a regular partner without too much commitment.

Re: Sex with strangers

IBambi — Tue, 05 Sep 2023 12:01:22 GMT

Hi Geoff. Sorry I never seen this reply. Yes this did happen and although I did say to this person I didn't want a relationship and that person agreed with me but they kinda fell for me and I stopped seeing them and they haven't been able to accept it's over. I have found someone I like but typical, he belongs to someone else lol

Re: Sex with strangers

IBambi — Tue, 05 Sep 2023 12:03:41 GMT

Thanks J. I have considered my safety and haven't put myself in any unsafe situations. I am well able for meself but haven't had to be

Re: Sex with strangers

IBambi — Tue, 05 Sep 2023 12:04:13 GMT

I will look into this. I do agree it's possible

Re: Sex with strangers

IBambi — Tue, 05 Sep 2023 12:05:36 GMT

Yea I kind of have found a regular partner but this person is married. I like this idea because this person won't get attached to me and just wants the same as me

Re: Sex with strangers

Batukawa — Thu, 07 Sep 2023 12:53:35 GMT

You may well have found the answer.

Stick to the agreed rules and be discreet.

Re: Sex with strangers

IBambi — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 12:37:32 GMT

Thanks. It's been going about 2 months now and we both seem to be getting what we need. We do really like each other but also agree we like how it is and want to keep it this way.

Re: Sex with strangers

Lovelifeplease — Wed, 13 Sep 2023 08:47:25 GMT

Sex addiction --- the desire to have sex with randoms and the need to discuss this! The way forward is to restrict your desire, and I believe discussing your need to have sex with strangers is the place to start...no one needs to know! And therefore not discussing your sexual drive will be a way forward. It's all about you needing attention through sexual activity.

Re: Sex with strangers

IBambi — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 11:15:14 GMT

Not a very helpful opinion, but it's your opinion, thanks for your input anyway.

Re: Sex with strangers

Lovelifeplease — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 13:09:25 GMT

I am sorry you don't find my opinion helpful..

Re: Sex with strangers

Lovelifeplease — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 13:07:02 GMT

Nice, you seem like a genuine person.

Re: Sex with strangers

Lovelifeplease — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 13:10:39 GMT

I honestly don't understand how this issue relates to the purpose of Beyond Blue, my understanding of Beyond Blue was to support people with Anxiety and Depression...if these on-line forums allow for these discussions, I now understand how callers get confused with what Beyond Blue are funded to support!

Hi Lovelifeplease, You raise a really good question! We...

Sophie_M — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 13:40:58 GMT

Hi Lovelifeplease,

You raise a really good question! We, in general support people who are experiencing anxiety and depressive symptoms which can range from supporting people through relationship break downs, to work stressors, to loss of someone close to worries about anything really! We welcome people with all kinds of difficulties that can impact their mental health. However, the forum is specifically designed for the Australian community to support each other rather than seeking support. We understand specific topics can be triggering for some, so please do take space when needed. And as always, the support team at Beyond blue is available to speak with you any time if anyone is feeling unwell. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support Yours sincerely,

Sophie M

Re: Sex with strangers

therising — Fri, 15 Sep 2023 04:04:48 GMT

Hi IBambi

Wondering if researching 'sexual energy' might help explain things. Whether you explore it from a psychological, biological or even spiritual perspective or all 3, maybe there will be some surprising answers there. 🙂

Re: Sex with strangers

IBambi — Fri, 15 Sep 2023 19:29:41 GMT

Sounds interesting. That's a good idea. Thank you

Re: Sex with strangers

therising — Fri, 15 Sep 2023 21:07:55 GMT

Hi IBambi

I think looking at it from 3 different perspectives means being able to see sexual energy from the point of it being a problem and/or a solution in different cases. Can also help with finding a variety of reasons for why large amounts of that kind of energy can suddenly come about. Whether it involves a hormonal/chemical shift or it comes from a sudden burst of life and natural vitality while discovering new aspects of self, who knows. To begin seeing it as being something worth wondering about is a good start.

Might sound a bit strange but I found the most interesting perspective can come from the natural or what some may call 'spiritual' side of things. Wish there was a different word for 'spiritual' as that word tends to scare people off. Personally, I'm a bit of a woo woo gal myself 😁. Sexual energy can be regarded as a highly constructive and extremely motivating kind of energy. If emotion is simply energy in motion, you can definitely feel the energy in motion in the case of sexual energy. There can be plenty of it happening. There can be an addiction to the lead up or work up of that feeling too. Of course, once that energy's released, it's gone. Some people will hold onto it and keep it going throughout the day because it becomes their driving force that leads them to a sense of hyperactivity and therefor hyper productivity in day to day life. Basically, they channel it into stuff other than sex. I think there can be an addiction to sharing that kind of energy too (aka 'getting each other worked up').

Prana or Chi, whatever folk wish to call it, going down that rabbit hole can mean coming to understand certain energies or driving forces in motion, managing them and using them in new and constructive ways. While there's no need to relate to every part of some doctrine, the most relatable parts can often be the most helpful when trying to gain a new perspective.