topic Not in love in Relationship and family issues

Not in love

Kylie_2022 — Sun, 06 Aug 2023 00:34:08 GMT

3 weeks before Covid lockdown started my husband came home after a few drinks with mates and wanted to end our marriage. Bringing up a few things from the past. This really blew me away because at the time of these moments in our life we worked through them and it wasn’t a big problem?my husband was unemployed at this stage as he had lost his job 6 months earlier. After this evening, nothing made sense so I started to investigate logging on to his Facebook (I know this is not the right thing to do) I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. After a few days I logged onto his account as he was acting weird. And sure enough he was messaging another woman (a woman he used to work with) I put the kids to bed before confronting him. He asked if I wanted him to leave, I said if you walk out now then it is over forever.
Covid hit and we were locked down on and off for 18 months. I struggled with mental illness (along with so many others) his affair lasted 6 months but apparently it was not a physical affair?
So over the past 18 months we have had counselling, I feel this helped him more than me as I feel I have lost all my feelings for him and I have been honest telling him that I’m not in love with him anymore. I know I should walk away but I just can’t or I don’t know how to leave.

Re: Not in love

white knight — Sun, 06 Aug 2023 02:13:03 GMT

Hi, welcome

It is indeed a big decision to leave but I think your hesitation is normal.

A home especially with kids is hard to leave and we face complications like property settlements, rent money and even friendship lost with our partner. All sorts of emotions come into play. So try not to be so hard on yourself for common emotions.

If you do make the decision to move out (or wanting him to move out) then there is a basic expectation of being firm, fair, calm and realistic and in some cases verbally supporting of your partner. Some people I've known have said to their partner they want a trial separation but knowing it will be permanent, I dont think that is fair play.

I hope you are ok and repost if you need more ideas

TonyWK

Re: Not in love

Kylie_2022 — Mon, 07 Aug 2023 08:22:20 GMT

Thank you for your reply! Yes it’s definitely a tough decision to make.

Re: Not in love

quirkywords — Mon, 07 Aug 2023 09:58:48 GMT

KylieYou have been through a lot in the last few months so I can understand how you are not in love with him anymore but you can’t walk away.
Fir me when the reasons to leave outnumber the reasons to stay it was time to leave .

Re: Not in love

Kylie_2022 — Sat, 12 Aug 2023 22:55:14 GMT

Thank you for your reply! Yes, I agree with you. It’s maybe not the right time. But I have the added pressure of him wanting me to make the decision. He focuses on that I might leave instead of the present moment. It is becoming exhausting