topic Re: Least favourite child in Relationship and family issues

Least favourite child

smltown-girl — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 07:24:56 GMT

Hi, im 21, still living with my parents due to no other houses available in my area.

recently, more then ever, its been hitting me that I genuinely feel like im under appreciated in my family and just a pure failure of a human. My sister is 18 and she's my mums best friend, especially since she's got a boyfriend. im single. her boyfriend stayed at our house for 3 nights in a row and she planned a weekend away with him and his friends, while we were home alone so our parents could go to a family gathering. we both have a younger sister and instead of communicating with me that she planned this trip away and asking if it was okay that I stay home and look after our sister, she just planned it and told me nothing right up until they were about to leave. As adults we are supposed to be helping around the house and she just doesn't. I cook, and clean, vacuum, stack and unstack the dishwasher up to 4 times a day etc. I cooked dinner for the whole house including her boyfriend and she didn't even help with that or pack up afterwards. when I try to tell my mum that I think its really unfair that she has 0 responsibilities and gets to leave the house whenever she wants and come back whenever she wants, she tells me that that's her choice and not to worry about it. but at the same time will complain that the house is always untidy and nothing gets done when im the only one that helps, which makes me feel even more guilty and makes me feel the need to do more.

not only the family stuff but im trying to run my own business which isn't super successful yet and im barely scraping by and making a profit after rent and bills, on top of the fact I have a lack of friends. I just feel so tired and empty and feel like disappearing would just make my life so much easier. I would never go to the extent of harming myself or suicide but sometimes it just seems like the easier option. I can't talk to my family because they just argue with me or completely disregard my feelings, and my friends are happy in their own lives so don't really care about mine.

I'm not trying to get pity, just would really appreciate some words of acknowledgement or support, rather than an argument, any comments are appreciated, thank you for reading!

Re: Least favourite child

white knight — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:48:13 GMT

Hi, welcome,

I'm clear in my mind that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" so the logical answer to all of these problems is to move out and once your sibling has matured you'll likely have a stronger relationship. At the same time your parents, once you move out will also see you in a different light. Not much will change until then no matter how hard you try imo.

So then it is a different problem, how to move out with a lower than modest income. Well there is the NEIS scheme Centrelink have going which basically has you on unemployment for 12 months without seeking work until you are established. The trouble with that system is if the business doesnt work out.

Personally I'd try and get a part time job. Then spare time work on your business.

I know you might think you dont want to move but I cant see any changes coming that will stop you being taken for granted.

Oh, my other suggestion is the Defence Forces. Full adult pay, cheap meals and accommodations, a career in the job of choice and excitement. Lots of options

TonyWK

Re: Least favourite child

smltown-girl — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 11:36:59 GMT

I would love to move out, the issue for me is that there are absolutely no rentals in my area, and purchasing is obviously not an option. I understand moving away Is also an option however my business is based in this town, and I spent a significant amount of funds to get it running so don't want to leave it in the dust just yet. My plan is that if I can make a significant income by my businesses 12 month anniversary then I will be selling up and looking elsewhere. My town has a population of about 3 thousand, so job options and housing options are slim to none. I have been the look out for a part time job for a couple of months now, just hoping that something will come up, but if my business doesn't take a drastic turn by November (12months since its opening) then I will be admitting defeat and trying to find an alternative solution. Thankyou for your suggestions, much appreciated.

Re: Least favourite child

white knight — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 14:18:43 GMT

No problem. One other suggestion is to consider a caravan park.

Anyway you seem to be trying everything so we're proud if your approach.

We are here for you

TonyWK

Re: Least favourite child

mmMekitty — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 01:37:41 GMT

Hello Smltown-girl

Well-done you, for accepting responsibilities in the home you share, for taking on adult responsibilities so well, beginning your business, which, statistically is a very risky thing to do. I wish you well in that endeavour. If you have the energy & time for a part-time job, that would be great. It would give you more financial secuarity & more time away from the home - then maybe others would begin to see & do more housekeeping (?) or maybe not. You can't control what others do, nor should you be expected to.

Now you are in your 20's, this is the time when most young adults need to develop their independance. So far, I think you are doing great.

Be kind & remember to take good care of yourself. Make sure you leave some time to do fun things, either alone or with friends. That is very important. & as much as it is a cliché, I'm going to say anyway: eat healthily, get regular exercise, look after your health, both physically & mentally, & keep a good sleep routine.

All my best

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Least favourite child

mmMekitty — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 01:46:44 GMT

TonyWK, I like what you have to say to Smltown-girl, except where you mention NDIS. I am confused by that because the National Disability Insurance Scheme is to assist people with disabilities access supports we need to live lives as others in the community do.

I didn't read any mention of disabilities amongst people in Smltown-girl's family members, so I wasn't sure that NDIS would be at all helpful.

Maybe Centrelink/Services Australia do have some ways they could help you, Smltown-girl. I don't know. It may be worth talking to someone there about your circumstances.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Least favourite child

smltown-girl — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 04:28:14 GMT

Thankyou! its nice to be feel as though I am doing something right! appreciate all of your words. I am going to try and find something to do for myself that I enjoy to get me out of the house, just needed a couple of days to regain my energy. Thank you so much

Re: Least favourite child

white knight — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:49:04 GMT

Thn=ankyou MeeKitty,

You are correct, it should have been NEIS- National Enterprise Incentive Scheme... I've amended it. Good pick up!!

TonyWK

Re: Least favourite child

jd03 — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 12:45:14 GMT

This is literally me (except for the business part), but I am the female doing everything and my 18yo little brother doesn’t help. I always feel like I’m trying to people please and help out as much as I can and I even work for both of my parents in both their businesses and I’m still the one that cops everything and never gets appreciated (he is by far the favourite). I work so hard to make my family like me and I just feel like no one would even care if I wasn’t there. Sorry to be depressing, but I completely understand what you’re saying. It just really messes with my mental health but anyways.

Stay strong and this too, shall pass.

Re: Least favourite child

white knight — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 22:27:11 GMT

Hi jd

As I've faced major issues and challenges in my life I've realised that some situations need radical approaches, otherwise nothing changes. Expecting people to somehow change attitudes just won't happen.

Therefore it's why I often advise to move out. Staying in your parents home is common now but never used to be. Gaining independence has its advantages.

TonyWK

Re: Least favourite child

smltown-girl — Mon, 17 Jul 2023 05:09:28 GMT

It’s the worst feeling hey. And I feel stuck because there isn’t a way out for me as I’m still semi reliant on my parents, and i can’t afford to move out just yet so I feel like I can’t make them mad or I’ll get even more stuck.
I worked up the courage to say something to my mother and I was in tears and it seems to have made her aware of the situation but most of the time it changes their attitude towards me for a day or two then we go back to normal. I’m honestly just looking at other ways to move forward and find independence. Like the saying goes, you never know what you have, until it’s gone. So in the nicest way possible. So I’ve made a list of things I can do for a few hours if I need to, just to get out of the house, such as going for a drive, a walk, finding a new series to watch etc.

but I’m completely with you, I’m trying to be optimistic of a better future, and I know that I’ll be a better person because of my struggles.

Re: Least favourite child

white knight — Mon, 17 Jul 2023 05:37:22 GMT

Many years ago when I left the Air Force I returned home. Worse thing ever!! So my mother began treating me like a 13yo.

Eventually I moved out into a flat with a GF. But a friend of mine in a similar situation bought an old but small caravan and moved around in it but not too far from work. 3 months here, 3 months there. He also got a discount on park rents if he stayed more than a week eg 6 nights the 7th free. During holidays he'd tow the van to Queensland or WA.

The beauty of a van is its like a unit but smaller, cooking equipment, beds, power, no bond, an ensuite van is best etc. Anyway if I was in your situation I'd do that rather than endure my parents.

Until then is is just existing and I have no other ideas left except moving into shared accommodation... not my thing either lol

TonyWK