topic Re: Breakups. in Relationship and family issues

Breakups.

sbella02 — Sun, 28 May 2023 06:54:47 GMT

Hi friends of the forums,

I love supporting people on these forums, I look forward to it every week. But today it's me who needs a little support.

Had a breakup a few days ago and for some reason, even though we were only together for a few months, it seems to be hitting me harder than my last breakup after a two-year relationship. It's weird going from seeing each other nearly every day to just not at all.

It was a mutual breakup, probably for the best, and we're still on relatively good terms, but it still hurts a lot. I've tried going out, seeing friends, listening to music, crying, but nothing's helping and my first instinct is to talk to my ex-partner, which I know is terrible and is also not really an option as we're both trying not to do that. We also work together, which hasn't been awkward so far but is still rough. I also can't really fully take the time to be sad because I have so much uni work to do and I can't be distracted, because they're all huge projects.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Even if anyone's going through the same thing and wants to share their experience, I'd love to hear, anything to distract myself or feel less alone. Much love.

Re: Breakups.

Bob_22 — Sun, 28 May 2023 08:55:45 GMT

Hi sbella02,

Similarly went through a breakup after small few month relationship last year. Just because it was relatively short it doesn't mean it hurts any less. I was confused and felt quite defeated for at least a week or two. I would recommend limiting contact with your ex as much as you can (at least until you are stronger).

For me having distractions was helpful and I immersed myself in whatever I had going on to help move on. Everyone reacts differently though. Hope you feel better soon and that uni goes ok.

Bob

Re: Breakups.

JED1980 — Sun, 28 May 2023 11:21:57 GMT

Hey there

Just because the relationship was short, does not make it any less meaningful.

You are allowed to be sad and effectively greive for the loss of this relationship.

I find distracting myself with uni (i too am struggling with a huge workload) works for me.

When my focus wanes, i go for a coffee, or a walk, let myself breathe, feel the emotions, then go back to what i was doing.

Much love and hugs to you

Re: Breakups.

sbella02 — Thu, 08 Jun 2023 03:58:39 GMT

Bob_22,

Thank you for your response, I appreciate it. I've been trying to distract myself as much as possible, and it seems to be helping. I've definitely stopped crying as much.

Jx,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it means a lot. I have also been distracting myself with uni, I have one final assignment that's due tomorrow that I've been working on. I've also been allowing myself to feel my emotions as they come up, which is why I was crying a lot in the beginning. Thank you for your advice.

Re: Breakups.

Bob_22 — Thu, 08 Jun 2023 09:37:35 GMT

Hi sbella02,

No worries at all. Glad you're feeling a little better. It's inspiring that you've reached out. Thank you.

Bob

Re: Breakups.

smallwolf — Thu, 08 Jun 2023 10:24:17 GMT

Hi sbella02,

just wanted to say hello and wish you good luck with your assignment.

Sorry I do not have any advice for you. But I am following your story.

Re: Breakups.

Earth Girl — Mon, 12 Jun 2023 03:27:39 GMT

Hi Sbella02,

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. I've never been in a relationship before so I can't imagine how hard it must be to break up with someone you really like even if it is for the best. My sister had to break up with her ex because they were too alike in some ways and it made it hard for them to grow as people. She would sometimes go to visit him which would always turn into a make-out type of thing in the end so try your best to avoid seeing your ex even if you are really hurting because I think it could easily turn into something like this even if you just plan on talking to him or seeing him as friends.

I think the only thing that can really heal this is time. You will one day find someone you love just as much who is a better match for you. I'm glad you ended on good terms. He still cares for you and wants you to be happy as you do for him.

Some things you can do to distract yourself:

* Going for a long walk with a friend and looking at nature.

* Writing how you feel in a diary - since this is private you can make it as personal as you like.

* Expressing your feelings about this break up to a friend if you feel comfortable.

Re: Breakups.

sbella02 — Sun, 18 Jun 2023 14:19:08 GMT

Thank you Smallwolf, your support means a lot.

Earth Girl, I really appreciate your reply. I have to see him a bit because I work with him, but other than that I do agree with you, it can turn complicated quickly. Love your advice, and I've been doing a lot of journalling recently.

Thank you all x

Re: Breakups.

JayB72 — Sun, 18 Jun 2023 23:42:32 GMT

I see it’s been 3 weeks now I hope you are slowly moving forward. I’m in the same situation where I still have to work with my recently separated wife (she left me) and it’s incredibly hard.
Hope you’re doing well

Re: Breakups.

smallwolf — Wed, 21 Jun 2023 09:16:52 GMT

Hope you are going OK sbella02...

Re: Breakups.

sbella02 — Sun, 03 Dec 2023 10:33:47 GMT

JayB72 & Smallwolf,

Thank you both for checking in, it's still quite difficult months later unfortunately. Mainly because we run in the same social circles and still see each other at work, so the urge to reach out is super strong. We've only recently completely stopped talking again after months of hanging out and talking while not being together, and the pain is less intense now but it does still hurt. I'm finding ways to deal with it but am always open to new suggestions.

JayB72, how are you going with seeing her at work? Has it gotten any better recently, or is it still just as difficult?

Re: Breakups.

smallwolf — Sun, 03 Dec 2023 11:13:48 GMT

hello SB.

I won't give you any suggestion ... yet... I don't like to tell someone things that already know or are doing? Do you think you might be able to share a couple of things you are doing? One thing that I can say is that each story is unique. And how long it take is how long it takes. Sigh. Don't you hate that!

Still listening ...

Re: Breakups.

sbella02 — Sun, 17 Dec 2023 06:55:35 GMT

Smallwolf,

Quite a bit of journalling, lots of hanging out with friends, listening to and writing music, watching shows, that kind of thing. One minute I'm "over it" and then the next, I'm right back to yearning and feeling upset. It's slowly getting better but any advice would help. 🙂

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot.

Re: Breakups.

smallwolf — Sun, 17 Dec 2023 11:14:38 GMT

It's understandable (/natural) to feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster after a breakup. One moment you feel relieved it's over, the next you're plunged back into sadness over the loss. Healing from a meaningful relationship is not linear. Please be gentle with yourself through those ups and downs—this period of readjustment simply takes time.

It sounds like you also have good coping strategies - journaling, music, friends, or shows that make you laugh or escape for a bit. Bit by bit, focusing outward will help soothe the sting inside.

Now you did say "any advice would help". Eek! And what I am about to say is also a bit like pot calling the kettle black or a contradiction. I have an app on my phone that can help me to redirect your thoughts to the present. Things like noticing five things you see, etc. I have used it but not as much as I should.

Hope some of this helps... And we are here for you also 🙂