topic Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship. in Relationship and family issues

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

Beaser — Tue, 19 Oct 2021 21:50:16 GMT

I was wondering is it common to feel nervous and scared when getting into a new relationship. It just terrifies me thinking about how i have been in the past with relationship breakups.I am twelve months into a new relationship that has had some ups and downs . I have been open as much as i feel comfortable to talk about ,with my partner regarding my depression and anxiety.It is very scary for me.I guess when you meet someone its easy to gloss over your past single life and look at it with rose coloured glasses and forget about the downsides of being alone. Is it even selfish to bring a person into my life with my depression and anxiety.

I hope every one is well .

Beaser.

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

quirkywords — Tue, 19 Oct 2021 22:57:34 GMT

Beaser

thanks for starting this thread with a good question.

I have bipolar and I tell people right at the start I have bipolar because I didn’t want to get into a serious relationship and then have them run away.
That was my choice.
I think there is some worry at the start of a new relationship. One is excited but also anxious about how things will work out.

You are so much more that the depression and anxiety you experience.

What are you most worried about in your new relationship.

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

sbella02 — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 01:41:01 GMT

Hi Beaser,

Thank you so much for your post. I completely understand your feelings here. I'm just under a year and a half into a new relationship (my first official relationship) and towards the beginning, it was terrifying for me as well. I didn't know how he would react to certain aspects of my life, or the extent to which I could talk openly with him before it became oversharing. Honestly, don't be afraid to talk to your partner about your feelings of being nervous or scared, you may even find that they're feeling similarly. It may also help to discuss with your partner what the boundaries are for the two of you, in terms of topics of conversation (this would be the time to raise any reservations you have about discussing your mental health).

There's no need to feel selfish for bringing somebody into your life when you have depression and anxiety. Your partner has made a commitment to you: a commitment that should equate to unconditional love and acceptance. A good partner will support you through your struggles and listen to you with sensitivity and without judgement. You opening up about your experience with mental health may even prompt your partner to discuss their mental health as well, which is a healthy conversation for you both to engage in.

At the end of the day, it's normal to be scared or have reservations when it comes to entering a new relationship. I wish you all the very best, and hope this advice helps in some sense.

Please feel free to chat some more if you'd like!

Kind regards, SB

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

jaz28 — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 04:14:36 GMT

Hi there,

It is normal to feel scared when entering a relationship, it's kind of like unknown territory. So please know that.

The best thing you can do is communicate and be honest with your partner. They deserve to know how you are feeling so they can support you. At the end of the day, you know best about what you want in a relationship.

All the best,

Jaz.

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

Petal22 — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 05:08:27 GMT

Hi Beaser,

I think it’s normal to feel nervous or anxious in a new relationship because everything is new.

When you feel ready maybe you could tell your partner more about your anxiety and depression if you want to , this way they will understand you more.

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

smallwolf — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 11:49:23 GMT

I would agree with the above posters. When you put yourself out there and being vulnerable, perhaps a little nervous. And it is unknown territory.

In relationships I believe in honesty and open communication. That does not mean tell them right away but perhaps when you feel the time is right.

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

geoff — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 13:58:00 GMT

Hello Beaser, when you enter into a new relationship, you're on cloud-9, even after 12 months, it's the love between you that has drawn you both together, whether this is your personality, humour, understanding, being polite and/or your attraction, for example, so telling them about any depression and anxiety will mean very little, at least you have been honest.

With regard to your past life doesn't matter because you were in a different place, a situation not like what you're currently in, and yes two people always have small disagreements, but now you're with someone you love and this relationship may help you with any of these problems.

Being open begins the trust you want in a relationship.

Geoff.

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

Beaser — Sun, 24 Oct 2021 20:24:44 GMT

Hi and thanks for the reply.

I suppose my biggest worry is that my depression and anxiety can make me seem or even be a needy person at times. Its a real battle for me at times as i live alone and i do get lonely and feel the need to talk and be around people especially when im battling. Ive been told that im prone to coming across as jealous about exes especially when they make contact . i guess it just makes me feel like im not that good a person at times because of that. Thanks again Beaser.

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

batticus — Mon, 25 Oct 2021 05:04:13 GMT

I'm massively scared of starting a new relationship. Previous relationship of 5 1/2 years with a covert narcissist was damaging to say the least. I've been out of the relationship only 2 1/2 months now, so it's still very fresh. I'm hoping with time I'll be less frightened.

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

Justin95 — Mon, 25 Oct 2021 05:19:02 GMT

Hello,
Its perfectly natural to feel some kind of anxiety when starting a new relationship, as you can’t predict what will happen in the near future. Also from past experiences relationships can change over time ..

hope this helps

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

Beaser — Mon, 25 Oct 2021 20:20:41 GMT

Hi sbella02

Thanks for your reply .

I suppose its a natural feeling for everyone when they meet someone. I just think i have thoughts that being alone and not letting anyone is like a safe mode. Then when i am alone i crave company and want to be with someone. Its a strange time at the moment with all the lockdowns and i think its added to my anxiety and even confusion about how i feel. Thanks again. Hope to hear from you.

Beaser.

when they meet someone

Do You Get Scared Starting a New Relationship.

Juliet_84 — Wed, 27 Oct 2021 10:36:16 GMT

Hi Beaser,

Like you, I am terrified of new relationships. So terrified of them that I have been known to stay in existing relationships that are clearly bad for me for years too long because I don’t want to go through that again. I have recently learnt that I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style and it suddenly makes so much sense. Basically people with this attachment style had an inconsistent and sometimes scary parent or caregiver. And so the child would go to them for comfort and would sometimes receive it and other times be met with a rage and become fearful. And so as an adult this creates an intense desire for intimacy but also an intense fear of it, this internal push-pull. We have come to expect that those who love us will also hurt us, and so to try and avoid this we avoid intimacy. But our desire for it keeps us coming back. Sometimes it is so unpleasant that I end a relationship simply to stop that feeling, and feel momentary relief but then the crushing feeling that it has beaten me again. But if someone makes it through my walls then I am incredibly devoted and loving.