topic Re: Christmas Dread in Relationship and family issues

Christmas Dread

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Fri, 23 Dec 2022 09:32:53 GMT

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't help that everything stops/closes for a period, contributing to that sense of isolation. I try and tell myself "it's just another day" and it's not even today, or tomorrow, but my body and mind are unconvinced, and I feel rubbish. I'm doing whatever it is I would normally be doing, but not feeling good. And I've ordered some yummy food to eat Christmas Day and bought myself a gift, but just can't shake the grossness and not sure what else to do.

Re: Christmas Dread

Croix — Fri, 23 Dec 2022 12:12:56 GMT

Dear Katy~

You have given some pretty good advice to other people and if you need some yourself that 's only fair.

I guess being alone at Christmas is a pretty daunting thing, the reputation of Christmas is of getting together, families, good times. very much a contrast from sitting alone at home.

I would like ot make a couple of suggestions, you never know, one might appeal.

You have mentioed how much you enjoy the beach and my impression is you do not live too far away from one. Do you think having your lunch lunch on one and maybe talking wiht anyone else doing the same thing might help? If you are a bit shy of talking find someone wiht a nice pet dog walking along and talk about that, pets make many people friendlier and are good to talk about.

Another thing to consider might be seeing if you could volunteer for the day, there are a lot of organizations, the Salvos, Red Cross, St Vinnie's and more, all of whom need help to distribute food and gifts, provide meals and other services. They are good people and normally very welcoming. There can be a very friendly and cheerful atmosphere. quite different from being alone.

So what do you think?

Croix

Re: Christmas Dread

DyingStar — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 02:28:06 GMT

I hear you Katy and relate to you so much. I think there are perhaps more people spending Christmas alone than we know, and I'm sure there are a lot of people who aren't spending Christmas alone but wish they could! Loneliness sucks! But at the same time, freedom rocks!! It's such a hot couple of days around, if I didn't have my obligations I'd go to a quiet beach, or the blue mountains for a walk, or simply chill under a tree in a big park for a few hours. Not sure what you think about 'organised religion' lol, but I've also decided to go to the local Anglican church for their Christmas eve service tonight.

Re: Christmas Dread

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 03:54:50 GMT

Thanks Croix

I like the idea of going to the beach, especially the dog beach where I can enjoy watching the dogs happy and playing. In fact, I think it would be better than the other beaches where families gathering could be triggering. Volunteering would also be good, but I'm not familiar with any local services that continue to operate during this period, most or all are taking at least a short break, including the place where I regularly volunteer. Thanks for your reply. Sometimes just to share, and be heard, is helpful in itself, so thankyou.

Hi DyingStar

Thanks also for your response. I'm sorry you can relate to my post. It's such a challenging time for so many. Normally I adore getting out in nature and spending time alone. But there's just something about Christmas Day. I guess it's the thinking that everyone else has people and things going on, but as you point out that's not really true, and there's people who'd rather be alone but aren't. Complicated! I hope your Christmas is peaceful and you enjoy the church service.

Katy

Re: Christmas Dread

Guest_1584 — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 06:42:02 GMT

Hi Katy and merry Christmas hey .

lt is a very weird time if we're alone ha, often even worse if we aren't though too right. So many getting trapped into in laws and situations they dread, family dramas and all the trapping things have become for so many.

Use to be me a lot of the time too but since divorce quite a few alone Chrissies. Went to the beach on a couple , watched movies on one, worked on the car another- one place l draw the line though is food ha ha, hell yeah. l spend up load the fridge yum food and deserts even if l'll be alone.

One thing hits me after any Christmas day is that it's amazing how fast it just flies by and before you know it's the next day streets , shops, cars and neighbours are all just out and about and all normal again.

Tonight l'll be alone and wake up alone tom. My d might be over later but she might not too. Pretty sure l'll at least be alone till 3 or 4 tom if not the whole day she has a situation atm so she might show might not. We were just gonna eat up and chill out anyway so l'll just think of all the married couples out there been dreading the day or inlaws or fights or pressures or the God knows what 6mths now while l'm living it up.

Take care and enjoy the yum stuff.

Re: Christmas Dread

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 11:05:07 GMT

Hey rx

Thanks for your post and best wishes to you too. I think you’re right, of course, as I didn’t like family Christmases either. All day cooking and cleaning, and awkward questions from family members. I’d really just like to see my son but neither of us have transport, and so be it. I like the idea of good food, and I think plum pudding for breakfast might help, so I’m going to brave the shop and look for one! Hope your day is a peaceful one. Thanks for the support. Katy

Re: Christmas Dread

Guest_1584 — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 14:05:13 GMT

Hey katy.

Funny , yesterday l went for plumb pudding and they didn't have any, ouch , the crime of it. Went somehwere else and they were out too , l mean the worlds a mess.

l'm really sorry you won't catch up with your son , that'd be really nice for you.

Thanks very much you too , and have nice day for you.

Re: Christmas Dread

HelloGail — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 14:21:54 GMT

Katyontheha, I am alone too. My plans are similar to yours, I have a well supply of summer fruit and goodies, no alcohol though for me. I do not listen to the TV to avoid all the Christmas reminders but fortunate to have Netflix and can choose what I wish to see. I am looking forward to it too passing. Enjoy your gift and goodies.

Re: Christmas Dread

geoff — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 19:57:49 GMT

Hello Katyonthehamsterwheel, you are not alone and even though people may have others around them there is no joy, because a sense of trying and pretending when our grandkids are with us is hard work.

There are many people who aren't religious and wonder why the world can't function just like another day.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Re: Christmas Dread

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 01:04:53 GMT

rx -- no plum pudding is indeed a tragedy! Hope your day's going ok otherwise. Merry Xmas!

HelloGail -- sorry to hear you're also alone. Netflix is indeed good company. Hope you find something good to watch. I think I'll hire the newish Jurassic Park later on. Sending you kind thoughts.

geoff -- it will definitely be nice for things to feel back to normal again tomorrow. Hope you're managing the day ok. Kind wishes.

Katy

Re: Christmas Dread

quirkywords — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 01:46:01 GMT

Katy

I hope today is ok and bearable.
what yummy food did you buy.
To me today is another day but I know many who are alone feel sad today.
I wis everyone a peaceful , kind, caring seasons greetings.

Re: Christmas Dread

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 02:29:00 GMT

Hi quirky

Nice to see you here. I’ve bought lots of nibbly food like cold meat, crackers and dip, some blue cheese etc. Nothing I have to cook. I also bought myself a new book, so I’ve started reading that. I do feel lonely though, so I think I’ll go to the beach soon. It’s a gorgeous day. I hope yours is nice, however you’re spending it.

Katy

Re: Christmas Dread

HelloGail — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 08:15:46 GMT

Christmas Day, woke up with dread. My estranged daughter texted me but it felt insincere. I was meant to go away with her for Christmas but we had a disagreement and I decided to not go. I did the right thing. So she left very quickly on Thursday, again, like she did on 15th. I went for my first walk in 14 days as recovered from eye surgery 12th, stitches out 19th. I watched Netflix, ate vegetable steamed and salad watered again helped my neighbour who we discovered had collapsed in her lounge room she'd been on floor since 9am. This was 3pm when I was watering and discovered her. I managed to get through Christmas Day on my own. I hope those in same boat managed too.

Re: Christmas Dread

quirkywords — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 09:56:12 GMT

Hello Gail

I am glad you found your neighbour., it must have been a shock for you.
thanks for sharing your day .

Re: Christmas Dread

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 10:52:37 GMT

HelloGail

I'm glad you got through the day, it certainly sounds challenging. I hope your neighbour is going to be ok. It was lucky that you were there.

Katy

Re: Christmas Dread

Guest_1584 — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 12:25:48 GMT

Thank Katy.

lt sure was , hope you found a pudding and had a nice me day.

Merry xmas.

Re: Christmas Dread

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Tue, 27 Dec 2022 08:48:47 GMT

Still can’t shake this feeling. Yesterday hit a real low (s thoughts). Today low again. Just dragging myself through each day trying to get to the other end. I’m sure I’m not the only one that hates this period. It’s just a horrible big blank space to sit alone with my thoughts and none of the usual distractions. Yoga’s on a break, so is my volunteer role, and my MH support group. Just me all alone feeling rubbish… hate it.

Re: Christmas Dread

jax_in_my_heart — Tue, 27 Dec 2022 11:33:41 GMT

Hi Katy. I can absolutely relate - I used to enjoy Christmas many years ago, but then went through a few years alone, and it was terrible at Christmas time. I have since built a new life with a partner, and we have done a quiet christmas together the last two years, but I can't shake my dislike for Christmas, the loneliness at the time obviously made a huge impact that I'm only now realising. It's an exceptionally difficult time, and all I can suggest is you try to be gentle with yourself - acknowledge that it's an awful time of year, recognise that you're going to be down and without distraction, but know that it will improve soon as everyone moves in January. The last several Christmas's that I was on my own, I went away to an AirBnB and turned off social media for three days, which helped a bit, but not everyone can afford to do that. The important thing is - this too shall pass, it will be January, and things will look brighter in a year full of possibilities for you.

Re: Christmas Dread

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Tue, 27 Dec 2022 12:42:51 GMT

Thanks so much for posting jax_in_my_heart, it's nice to feel some understanding. I know it will pass, which always makes things more bearable, but I still have to hang in there (which yesterday felt almost impossible). I'm happy to hear you have someone in your life, so you don't have to endure the same. And yes, I think money would make life easier, but often poor mental health means being poor. Maybe next Christmas will look different... I hope so.

Re: Christmas Dread

HelloGail — Wed, 28 Dec 2022 04:22:55 GMT

Katy, I gather you don't have any close family or friends to spend time with on Christmas Day. Travel and costs can limit us spending time with folks too. Maybe during 2023 those of us experiencing intense loneliness around Christmas, take a look around locally for any community groups where solo people can meet in a park or somewhere to enjoy Christmas together. I know of one on the north coast though I have never been and they sit and eat in a group along the river for those who don't have families and have a bbq. It's easier in the country to find groups such as those in Port Stephens, too far for me! Let's hope for a better Christmas 2023.