topic Lost and lonely in Relationship and family issues

Lost and lonely

Wiggle — Fri, 28 Aug 2020 13:26:58 GMT

Hey Everyone,

First time poster here,
I am a mother of 3 kids, 2 grown boys and a daughter aged 8.
Over the years life has, to say the least, been less that kind and I have found myself very lost and lonely. I have recently moved to a new town and don't really know anyone. All I seem to do is work and come home. I don't have any friends to go out with and I have no hobbies and no life outside of work. How does one drag their butt of of this funk?
I must say drinking has not helped. It has just given me something else to fix.

Lost and lonely

geoff — Fri, 28 Aug 2020 20:27:11 GMT

Hi Wiggles, lovely to hear from you and there are some questions I'd like to ask you, but I need to take it slowly, if that's alright.

If you've moved because of a specific reason and please only answer if you want to.

Feeling lonely could be from a lack of being loved, now and definitely in the past, and whether your grown kids keep in touch with you.

It takes a great deal of courage to come to a popular depression site and talk about yourself to people you don't know, but want to applaud you for doing so.

Take care.

Geoff.

Lost and lonely

Wiggle — Fri, 28 Aug 2020 22:54:13 GMT

Hey Geoff,
Yes we moved as there were a lot of bad memories there.

Its all a really long story, but short version is,

My family have always been unkind to me for as long as I can remember.
I met my husband and over time he had mental health issues and I struggled to cope with my family and his issues as well so I detached myself from my family (was a good thing) my family did not like my husband
My husband eventually died by suicide and I turned back to my family for support which was not forthcoming they just made it harder to cope. I detected myself again and we moved away.
My sons are in contact with us.
I am just trying to find ways to get out of this funk now. What to do and where to go to change this situation as its not a nice spot to be sitting in

Lost and lonely

geoff — Fri, 28 Aug 2020 23:48:34 GMT

Hello Wiggles, we really appreciate you getting back to us and take as much time as you want, I realise it's different now because you have to pack up everything, find a doctor, dentist, favourite grocery store and worst of all, change all the addresses for mail to arrive, it's something I have never wanted to do, unfortunately, have.

I am deeply sorry about your husband and understand what this can do to a family, although I don't know anything about this and whether you want to now or wait, the decision is entirely yours.

If this might make you more comfortable, I'll tell you in a sentence about me.

I tried to end my own life myself and I am now divorced after a long marriage with 2 grown up sons.

You have my sympathy, moving away and trying to find new friends and no support from your family, it can be very difficult, but I hope others will join in as well.

If I don't reply to you today is only because I'm near the computer, but will definitely respond tomorrow, but you can type out a reply and add or edit it at your will.

Please take care.

Geoff.

Lost and lonely

Wiggle — Mon, 31 Aug 2020 22:45:21 GMT

Hey Geoff
I am so glad you are still here to chat to. Thank you for sharing. Although I have never been in the position of wanting to end my struggles, I really do understand why people do. Shit gets hard when you are constantly fighting yourself. High 5's to you 🙂
My husband really struggled for the last 7 years of his life. He had PTSD severe depression and severe anxiety. He had 8 or 10 attempts that I can remember. There was a lot of damage done along the way as I am sure you understand. That time is rather blurry now. I just try to remember the good bits now. It’s all too easy to feel sorry for oneself when you are already in a funk. That achieves nothing, especially when I have my daughter to take care of.
I used to be quite outgoing and bubbly but of late I just seem to be stagnant. I do not believe that I am depressed as such or anxious but boy some days have me thinking otherwise. I have often sat here thinking about what I used to do that I enjoyed or excited me and there is nothing jumping out at me.
I have found a Meet Up app so am looking into that and see what’s out there to do. I am sure something will be.

Lost and lonely

Pip20 — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 00:18:05 GMT

Hi Wiggle,

I'm fairly new here, but your statement "I have often sat here thinking about what I used to do that I enjoyed or excited me and there is nothing jumping out at me."

I seriously just went through that statement almost word for word with my physiologist (Going to a physiologist is very new to me, my GP just got me booked in)

I used to be a very happy, social person, and I moved away to the country and I'm not getting the social engagement I used to have or the sports etc. I said I feel like I lost my happiness my mojo, and my physiologist made me step through all the things that used to make me happy, and I can't seem to work out why what used to make me happy doesn't anymore.

So I have been trying out new things every week - YOU are doing great with signing up for a Meet Up, brilliant idea.

I literally googled hobbies - I felt a little silly, but it gave me lots of ideas to try, we both obviously need to find our spark again and what worked before may not anymore, I am learning to accept that and try new things. Many of them I don't like, so they gets dumped pretty quickly LOL but I'm hoping something will peak my interest.

I know I haven't been much help to you during this difficult time, but my post is more about, I totally understand your statement.

Lost and lonely

Wiggle — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 08:36:25 GMT

Hi Pip20,

Thanks for your reply.

I am off to the Dr's tomorrow to discuss seeing a psychologist. I am really hoping that I find a really good one straight up. I know how hard it can be to find one that suits.

Last time I went just was after my husband died and I couldn't seem to find one who didn't keep focusing on that. I wanted to find out who I was again but just couldn't break through that grief train of treatment.

I also struggle with being/feeling vulnerable too so a good one will be awesome.

I too googled hobbies lol there was a few that looked good so am going to try them. One was Dragon Boating. All a bit physical but can only be a good thing,, right? lol