topic Break up in Relationship and family issues

Break up

Goat24 — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 01:33:08 GMT

Hey everyone,

My boyfriend of a year broke up with me on Sunday via text message. He has since blocked my number and all my social media and we live 500kms away from each other. We had been extremely close, and he was my best friend and biggest supporter. I live with significant mental health issues and I am really struggling with the breakup and the absence of communication now. I am struggling to manage every day activities and I miss him beyond words. I’m having very miserable days with lots of panic, and he’s the one person I could always go to for help. I’m really lost and hurt by how he handled the situation. I keep blaming myself for everything and just constantly thinking of our times together. I’m really struggling. Does anyone have any advice?

Break up

white knight — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 01:53:11 GMT

Hi, welcome

Some of us have been through this many times. Myself, 4 long term relationships of 11 years, 11 years first marriage (two children), 10 years and now married for 8 years. I'm very happy now and know the mistakes I made in the past really clearly.

Each time I've broken up with a partner it has been unimaginary grief. That usually lasts around 3 months depending on the person before it drops down to sadness. During these difficult times it is best to do a number of things.

Distract yourself with a major project. This could be a hobby, sport or hanging out with friends. This will works for several hours then the moment you are free from that task grief will arrive again, that's ok, let the tears fall for a while then back into another action.
Attend your GP. You will be amazed at what a chat will do and recommendations that will come from a professional.
Visit a relationship counselor. Maybe your GP will recommend one.
Boost your confidence up. Google beyondblue topic the best praise I ever got.
Start to think rationally in terms of how you might not have been compatible if he dumped you in that way. Maintain your standards/values
When your grief begins to subside, dont be afraid of dating- even for company. It's healthy to enjoy another person for distraction and self esteem

Treat this experience as a steep learning curve. This event is how life is, it's hard until you find the person out there that will totally accept you. At the moment you cant see that because you are in grief. You think he would be the only one in the world that was ideal- nope, ther ewill be others that will fit into that mould even better.

I hope I've helped. Repost anytime and dont forget to google that thread.

TonyWK

Break up

Goat24 — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 02:03:22 GMT

Hi Tony,

Thanks for your reply. I will try to do some of those things. I keep thinking maybe he will come back and I’m really struggling to accept that he really is gone. It also makes it hard because I put so much time, effort and love into the relationship and trusted him with things that I never have trusted anyone with before.

Break up

missep123 — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 09:10:51 GMT

Hi Goat24,

I'm really sorry to hear that, that sounds so tough.

I agree with what Tony suggested. From my experience distracting myself or throwing myself into a hobby really helped. It also helped to discover who I was because when I was in a relationship I realised that I became so reliant on that person and I forgot who I was.

Please let us know how you go, you're definitely not alone!

Break up

quirkywords — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 09:46:34 GMT

Goat24

welcome to the forum and well done for reaching out and sharing your story.
Tony white Knight has given you helpful suggestions.

It is hard when a relationship breaks up but if you can be kind for yourself.

is the something you like doing, art, craft exercise ,writing or volunteering.?

When my relationship broke up years ago, I was very unhappy so I started keeping a gratitude journal in which I wrote 3 things I was grateful for or thankful for. At first it was difficult to find three things but gradually I saw there were many positives in my life.

I realised I had to focus on what I had and not what I had lost.

Many people reading this will relate to your post. By writing others won’t feel alone.

Take care

Break up

Goat24 — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 10:01:01 GMT

Hi there,

A gratitude journal is a good idea. Did you just list a few things in only a couple of words?

I do enjoy some of those things. I like reading, colouring, walking and baking, however I have lost all motivation for these things and struggling to have the energy to even get out of bed. Is this something you experienced?

Break up

Goat24 — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 10:04:56 GMT

Hi Missep123,

I have had a super rough day but I’m hoping tomorrow will be a little better. Thank you for replying, I really need the support right now

Break up

white knight — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 13:12:43 GMT

Hi Goat

Please, place the following in the search bar above and just read the first post

The timing of motivation.

TonyWK

Break up

missep123 — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 12:26:16 GMT

Hi Goat24,

I'm sorry to hear you have been having a tough time. I wanted to check in and see how you were doing today.

Here for you!