topic Partners Family excludes me. in Relationship and family issues

Partners Family excludes me.

Treader — Fri, 27 Nov 2020 17:16:59 GMT

Hi,
I've been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years we have
lived together For 7years.His family never wanting to meet me
For over 6 years then one random time I got asked for Xmas
Drinks at 7pm xmas night.
I have only probably seen his children on maybe 6 occasions.
I don't get invite to family gatherings. Which I'm ok with as his ex
Wife goes and they do and have family time.
But I've found out the last few times his ex wife partner goes.Ive read
Texts were my partner has been invited or asked to do stuff. But my
Name is never mentioned.But ex wife partners is.
On rare occasions when they see me they are polite. But that's it.
I have spoke to my partner about it. And he said it's me that I'm
Working all the time and I don't try with them.
I defended myself and said I'm never invite. He said yes you are. I
Said my names never included in messages etc.
He said it was me and I needed to make a effort. So I tried when it
Was partners bday I was invited. So I said to party I'd be going took
Day off work.He phoned them and they said ohh yeah sure she can
Come.then next morning phone and said sorry due to covid19 numbers
At place are reach.
I thought ok fair enough totally understand.then when he came
Home he said ohh kids said you could of came heaps of room hardly
Any people.
I always send his kids n grand kids money and gifts.As painter would
Forget lol.
I send message to check in or wish happy birthday etc.Ive never gotten
Or received anything.
One of his children have had a baby I have had hampers delivered
Tried to be supportive etc.
In front of partner asked if I'd had all my vacs which I said yes.Ohh
Good u can meet bub.
Bub came and told no its for Immediate family only until bubs needles.
then I have to produce a medical certificate to prove
I've had my vaccination.
But baby's now 6mths im yet to meet.Im feeling so deflated I'm not perfect
But I try to fit in and be nice but not over step any marks etc.
I need advice on what to do this is eating me up.
And now on odd occasion I see them im sick with stress and anxiety.
Help!

Partners Family excludes me.

therising — Fri, 27 Nov 2020 20:59:48 GMT

Hi Treader

I can't help but think 'What's wrong with these people?' In other words, a matter of 'It's not you, it's them'.

What would you say their nature is like? Would you say they typically do things to suit themselves, as opposed to doing things that serve all people in positive thoughtful ways? You definitely sound thoughtful in the way you consider the family.

Do you feel it's worth the effort, getting to know them better? Is there maybe only 1 or 2 of the family members who you feel are worth getting to know better? Perhaps the rest you are better off without.

If you can say 'Hang on, I'm a really good person!' you not being there is their loss. When we share who we are with the people who appreciate us, everyone gains a sense of joy. For myself, I've come to realise that it doesn't matter what title a person holds, whether they be Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Son, Daughter, Teacher, Boss, Partner, Husband, Wife etc, when the titles are removed, they are simply people with sometimes highly questionable behaviour. 'Are such people worth the time and effort?' becomes the question.

Don't let people lead you to doubt yourself.

🙂

Partners Family excludes me.

Croix — Sat, 28 Nov 2020 14:32:11 GMT

Dear Treader~

I tend to agree with the rising about considering if it is worth knowing these people.

As someone who has come into a partnership, especially at first, one does make an effort to get to know his family and his children too. So one thinks up special things to offer, and plans on meetings and friendliness.

In such situations your partner should help you, so that everyone was together, hopeful some having a welcoming attitude and by his help, successful or not, you would know he loved and valued you above all except possibly his kids.

Sadly your efforts are ignored or rebuffed and from what you say his family simply wants you out of sight.

Especially hurtful is your partner implying it is your lack or your fault. You know that is not the case and it might make you wonder if he has just thought up a convenient excuse that does not put his family down - which they deserve.

I guess trying so hard is simply leaving you open for more rejection and hurt.

Have you considered not try to become part of this family and just living your life with your partner?

Frankly it does not sound as if most are worth knowing anyway. If htere are any good ones I'd expect they would try to make overtures on their own with genuine feeling to you.

Do you have a family or your own or circle of friends you can be with and enjoy yourself?

Croix