topic Need advice, heart broken in Relationship and family issues

Need advice, heart broken

theaussiedude — Wed, 17 Mar 2021 21:23:34 GMT

My ex broke up with me, we had the most respectful, caring, supportive, kind relationship, we both said we are perfect together in so many ways, we had qualities that are so hard to find in someone, had so many things in common, the feeling of being safe in each other presence, two of the nicest people ever who generally cared about everyone.

And she broke it off because I was taking too long to open up and let her in. I have a letter, I express myself better in words than verbally and I am not sure if it's the right thing to send. I'd like to get some advice if its a good or bad idea?

It's just been a really tough few weeks, I lost the love of my life, my dad's cancer is getting worse and my mum finds out next week if she has motor neuron disease.

I'm no spring chicken, I live with my mum at the moment caring for her as she has a disability when I get home from work, and it's all becoming a bit too much.
It's hard to work, I'm trying so hard to be a role model to all my students, and I on the verge of just crying in class

Need advice, heart broken

geoff — Wed, 17 Mar 2021 23:31:16 GMT

Hello Theaussiedude, and welcome to the site.

It's not easy to open up to people we love in a verbal manner, rather than finding it much easier to say how we feel by writing down our feelings, and this may happen because when we begin to speak we maybe interrupted and lose our thoughts and forget even the important thoughts we have, and yes it's happened with me as well.

I am truly sorry to learn of your father's as well as your mother's condition and I'm sure this would be affecting not only how you feel but also your relationship, especially as you both loved each other so much and seemed to care for one another.

All of this means that you would achieve much from help with counselling because we can't forget that there are times in our lives that we can't begin to help ourselves until we know how to cope with the many different and unfortunate situations that may suddenly happen or occur over a period of time.

Please don't be afraid to ask for help, I did as I was in denial and what this did was stop me from getting better sooner than what actually happened.

Please post back to us when you are available.

Geoff.

Need advice, heart broken

theaussiedude — Thu, 18 Mar 2021 01:22:36 GMT

I try my best to support everyone around me, and I don't ask for anything in return..
I didn't open up because I don't want my worries or concerns to make anyone worry, as we never know how someone is truly feeling mentally and I never want to make things worse for anyone..

Need advice, heart broken

theaussiedude — Sat, 20 Mar 2021 23:43:00 GMT

What also makes it hard is that the promise ring I bought her is right next to me, she broke it off before I had a chance to give it to her 😞

Need advice, heart broken

quirkywords — Sun, 21 Mar 2021 05:01:15 GMT

The Aussie dude,

It is disappointing when you try so hard to be kind and understanding to feel so heartbroken.

Geoff gave you done helpful suggestions. Did you find them helpful. ?

Need advice, heart broken

Guest_1584 — Mon, 22 Mar 2021 12:00:31 GMT

l agree with quirk and Geoffs reply but l'm also wondering how long you've been together ? And what does she actually think you hold out on so badly with that she's willing to walk away over it , is it just one or two things or lots of stuff.?

l don't really have any trouble talking to someone l'm very close to such as my gf , but she's a very complex and deep woman and tends to throw 20 very big things at me all at once, and she likes the full nitty gritty. And l'm pretty complex myself too so with many thinks l don't just have easily spun off black and white answers. And l also often have a lot else going on too and don't have the head space to just get into things just any old time and into any depth. . Luckily for me though she loves emails so when l do or l'm in the mood we've kinda arrived at this thing over time where we'll just sit down and write emails to each other about things , works really good.

Anyway, hoping things can work out and the best of luck. rx

Anyway

Need advice, heart broken

geoff — Mon, 22 Mar 2021 17:44:23 GMT

Hello Theaussiedude, I'm sorry about the ring, hold onto to it and know that when my ex and/or myself paid more attention to others and not take the time to nurture each other or show how much we loved one another it made us feel unloved, you obviously love her and I'm sure she does as well.

It's going to need either of you to make a decision and then contact, because as you say 'you are two of the nicest people'.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Need advice, heart broken

theaussiedude — Fri, 26 Mar 2021 10:48:01 GMT

I did go get some help... Im still really struggling, and I find out Monday if my Mum has motor neurone disease to make things worse...

Need advice, heart broken

theaussiedude — Fri, 26 Mar 2021 10:53:28 GMT

been together 6 months, she said " I just don't feel like you are letting me in" I was being so supportive to her as she was going through a tough stage in her life
she just blocked me on everything for no reason at all, I was going to wish her luck tomorrow for a big event she's been practicing for and now I can't. its like now I meant nothing to her, I was struggling with my own family issues and I never asked for any help because I wanted to support her...

Need advice, heart broken

theaussiedude — Fri, 26 Mar 2021 10:56:24 GMT

I had written her an email I was going to send next week, but as she now has blocked me on everything .. I am not sure what I should do 😞
its been nearly a month and I have cried every day

Need advice, heart broken

Guest_4643 — Fri, 26 Mar 2021 11:39:26 GMT

Hi the aussiedude, welcome.

I'm so sorry you're struggling and dealing with so much. I don't know about relationships so I can't comment on that but I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry your Dad has cancer and your Mum may have MND, I hope not. Thinking of you.

Need advice, heart broken

theaussiedude — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 09:04:50 GMT

Maybe if I told her about the promise ring, her thoughts about breaking up may have changed 😞
Do I mention to her that I had a promise ring for her?, I guess I have nothing to lose

Need advice, heart broken

Guest_4643 — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 09:20:28 GMT

I think it may be best to let her go, I know it's hard and easier said than done. She sounds like she was nothing but toxic to you and it's tearing you apart emotionally and mentally, I would let her go. You don't need her.

Need advice, heart broken

Guest_4643 — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 11:02:51 GMT

We are trying to help theaussiedude. We understand how difficult it is, but you have to try and take and accept the advice - baby steps. It sounds like you should discuss things with a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist, or even a GP.

Need advice, heart broken

Guest_1584 — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 11:50:11 GMT

Sorry but l agree with mb.

Need advice, heart broken

Guest_4643 — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 11:53:19 GMT

Thanks randomx, I appreciate it.

I know how hard it is, believe me. I was mentally abused by a guy I used to like in high school, turns out he used to like me, we never dated. I have PTSD including nightmares and flashbacks about him, and random thoughts when I don't even think about him. So believe me I know how difficult it is. But it's for the best.

Need advice, heart broken

Guest_1584 — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 12:14:05 GMT

Ah really sorry to hear that mb such a shame at so young , maybe he was just acting like and idiot bc he liked you after all , we can do a lot of really dumb things when we like someone. Hope you can move on one day hey.

Need advice, heart broken

Guest_4643 — Sat, 27 Mar 2021 12:22:35 GMT

Who knows, it's hard but I'm trying

Need advice, heart broken

Feral — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 07:07:54 GMT

Hi theaussiedude

After my husband's infidelity, I started a journal of my feelings, and eventually got my husband to read some of my entries. Over time I have been also getting him to write some things down as he has difficulty expressing his feelings (part of the problem that led him to being unfaithful?) and that has been helpful in his starting to bring his walls down. He is also seeing a counsellor, and is happy to keep doing so for the time being, whereas I decided to try a psych as I felt a counsellor wasn't digging deep enough for me. Personal choice but I feel that talking to a neutral person to be helping us progress. You could perhaps start by sending the letter and seeing a professional (and telling her you are) to help develop strategies to express your feelings. She may appreciate that you are making an effort and it would be an indication to her of how important she is to you. Nothing to lose? Good luck

Need advice, heart broken

lost_girl_101 — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 18:17:17 GMT

Hi Aussiedude,

My mum got diagnosed with alzhiemers and it put a strain on my relationship at the time . Sadly it led to divorce but i started understanding that if my partner cant be by myside through something like that are they really the right one? It took me along time to realise it. When he left i messaged him alot and sent emails and he hated me more.. i think give her some space. It will be very hard to do but its something i wish i did.