topic Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems. in Relationship and family issues

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Strong_guy — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 06:49:04 GMT

so i have written and deleted this message like 5 times, it just goes for ever.
short story, 2 years together, 6 month old son, feeling unattracted to partner who got fat and wont do anything about it, while im 26 and attractive and look like a fit guy in the gym.

sex life is broken havent had sex in like 12 months barely touched me. like 5 times if that.
we dont kiss or hug and most of the time it feels forced.

i just look around and see all the pretty healthy girls that are not 30kg heavier then me that i want to protect and go do fun things with, one that is smart and energetic and one that still has passion for me and herself.

love my son and care about this chick but feel like i only live once and if i dont do anything about it i am wasting my life not being happy.

even though leaving will be hard and painful for a short time, i feel like i need to get out and meet someone who is more like me, active in the mind and body, someone who reads books and has opinions on things and works towards goals ect. not just a fat netflix bad food binger who only ever talks about negative things like bad day at work, general running down people that you dont like stuff is all we can talk about.

she acted like she was like me and put on a big show for me but then when we started dating and becoming offical it all went out the window.

i dont want to hold her, kiss her, have sex with her and sacrifice my freedom for her anymore.

i feel like theres so many girls all around this area that just make me really excited to look at, i see them playing sports and doing really well and being happy and fun and my girl is just giving up not interesting, and just puts her head in the sand.

basically looking like im going to say i have had enough and dont think this is going to ever give me the same feeling as it did when we first started and just say ill always be there to support u and the son ect. but i need to go and do other things coz this is not working anymore.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

missep123 — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 07:06:27 GMT

Hi Strong guy,

I am really sorry to hear that you have been going through this. I have friends who have told me similar stories where they really care about this person but they have emotionally checked out of the relationship. Have you spoken to your partner about how you have been feeling? From my personal experience having a conversation where you really express what you have been feeling and thinking helps to relieve the pressure from our shoulders.

Here for you!

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_7403 — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 08:07:51 GMT

Nothing wrong with how you feel mate. If its not there it's not there.

Just do it nicely, no need to be savage. Try and be as active a father as you can be.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Strong_guy — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 08:55:32 GMT

Yeah mate I just feel like I love to talk, I talk about podcasts, documentry's, my failures and wins with my goals week to week, talk about wanting to make plans and would love to do this, or love to do that, but I feel like she isn't interested and is just addicted to screens and Netflix and doesn't like putting in work.

She won't even pick out a doco or any subject to learn about zilch with me. Nothing, at, all.

I tell her to pick an activity and I'll make it happen and she never suggests anything.

I try talk about our problems it never works. I try and build new things but she just is not interested it's like watching a doco, listening to a ebook, or reading a book or doing anything new and educational is not appealing to her.

All she will do is live on social media, go from snap chat to Instagram to Facebook and repeat and Netflix.

Literally all she will do unless I basically force her by always bringing it up.

Other day I signed up for a footy club, wanted to get out and meet more likeminded people as I only have 1 friend in this town coz I moved 3000kms from my home town. Anyways, she then got offended I didn't ask her to be involved, because it is a mixed sport and I just said we have a 6 month old son with no one else to look after him ? I swear she only said that coz she is worried I'll find someone else into sport.

Anyways then continued to rant how I only do what I want and it's all about me, and that she can't do anything because I wanna do this sport. It's only one night a week

And I find the better I'm going with my training and getting results, it pisses her off inside because she looking at me knowing I could have some slim sporty little thing.

But yeah now I wash everything I use in kitchen and put it away straight away after I eat. And the sink just piles up with her stuff it's disgusting, I wish I started this along time ago because turns out most of the mess was hers and now I only wash my stuff and it is sooooo good.

Like she will leave penut butter and all kinds of crap on the bench and I for over a year been putting away over and over and just saying to her can we put things away and it would start a fight. Now I just do my stuff and touch nothing of hers and it has made my life so much easier.

But yeah talked and talked it never works bro.

I can't talk to her about goals, our sex life, any of the issues without starting a fight. I wanted to go to councilling but now I am pretty much done.. It's sad

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Strong_guy — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 08:58:40 GMT

I'm going to try my hardest. Got one friend here, I'm like 3000km away from home town and yeah, gonna be lonely but I am just gonna have to double down on my goals and get out more, volunteer if I have to. .

It's all worth it for love and excitement again.

I feel like love life is over currently. I know it's not everything but it's just all gone and she is fine with it.

We got like 4 or 5 months on this lease together left and I don't know when to say I'm out.

If I say it now I can start trying to get out and meet new people go speed dating or do whatever I want.

Or stay this way for 5 more months

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_7403 — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 10:00:17 GMT

As a fellow fit bloke myself I understand the drive and need to continue to pursue it, further strengthening and refining yourself. Its good to have that drive, use it to propel yourself forward.

Sounds a bit like shes emotionally immature, not independent I guess you could say. In terms of staying or going I personally don't see a point in sticking out a lease, break it and move on.
Unless you still feel the need to try, but don't stay together for your son...his life will not be better for it.

Put yourself and him first, if she can't live a lifestyle that works for you, then move on..and let her find someone more on her level ...you'll both be happier in the long run

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_922 — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 11:48:29 GMT

She has a 6 month old. She has given birth and it can take a year sometimes to heal from birth injuries. It can also take a long time to loose baby weight and she may also feel bound to the home and her child. Marriage is tough. Particularly the first few years with a young child. You will now come second to the child. She will be sleep deprived and physically exhausted. I hope that you are a supportive father. Getting up in the night with the baby, helping with housework. Perhaps she needs some help to feel like she can do something for herself. Time to rest and time to play.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Juliet_84 — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 20:48:24 GMT

When commenting about your partners weight, I think it’s important to keep in mind that for a large part of this she was pregnant with your child and now has a newborn baby..I don’t know whether I would feel like sleeping with a person during that time either, particularly when they are washing up their own plate while I am taking care of our newborn. I’m not meaning to have a go there but I don’t think you are being particularly supportive given the circumstances. She obviously has a lot going on at the moment, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she is suffering from some form of postnatal depression, which is very common. It may be that you are incompatible, or it may be that she is going through a tough time and requires some support and help. Whatever the reason, like the borderline said, if you are not feeling it and already checked out then you might as well leave now as I don’t imagine it’s doing anyone any favors

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Strong_guy — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 21:08:42 GMT

Yeah I understand but her injuries have healed, the weight thing is the same as always just lazy and goes to the shops and brings crap home, doesn't even try and break bad unhealthy patterns

Constantly fighting with me, terrible sense of humour which apparently is a sign of low intelligence.

We have separate bedrooms, I can't even get her to watch a movie with me, let alone something of interest. She can't keep up her side of the house work.

As far as I'm concerned no matter what I do she is just going to be a grumpy B.

Taken her for a 2 hour walk along the beach and to the pools with baby the other day and took him swimming, and told her it was her turn to plan something on Sunday and she went to her dad and step mums.for 7 hours from 1pm to 8pm yesterday, just seems uninterested in planning things with me, and comes home and says stuff such as, you never do anything with me, and I just feel like going off, and usually say like are you for real, I shout you dinner on the regular, we go out to dinner on the regular, I take you for walks and things. I don't get how she can justify saying I don't do stuff with her. When I'm.the only one who plans it.

As for sexually like I want a girl who would at least chill in the bed with me and touch me with her hand at least 1 time a week at least if she didn't want to do anything herself.

She has plenty of time to waste on the phone and face time while I'm at work, go to friends houses and walking with friends. She is doing more now then she did for a whole year before giving birth but can't keep her end of the housekeeping together.

I went through her phone the other day, which I have went through 3 times in total in 2 years, and luckily I did, because I found out that she was talking to her sister about me, who lives far away, is a bad hopeless person with a big mouth, and was enemy number 1 according to my partner for a while, same with her dad and step mum, to find out she is talking behind my back to these people makes me wonder what she says to her friends.

I had picked baby up from day care, brought home, fed, changed, and played and nursed for 2 hours to sleep, was mighty grumpy for some reason was not having a good day, I invited my friend over for 1 beer as we had something exciting to talk about, he was there for 5 mins and the baby started crying and getting unsettled, I usually will leave baby up to ten mins to try get him to settle on his own, anyways, she gets home from work and comes in the door, disrespects me infront of my friend, and says "can't you hear your baby crying!?"

Not saying hey how are you guys, what's baby been up to, did she only just start crying? Ect.

Anyways walked into the bedroom and shut the door and messaged her sister, and this is what I found out 2 weeks later after checking her phone randomly.

She said, omg I just got home and he is in the loungroom getting drunk with his friend while baby is screaming in pain.

And the sister said omg just leave him like seriously just leave him now get the hell out of there.

This is a hopeless women who depends and uses a husband to pay for everything and will never work a day in her life. Telling my partner to leave me and all of this.

Anyways she never told me that someone was saying this stuff about me and to leave.

If my partner just came home with a decent attitude and didn't disrespect me then she could have just talked to me like a human, I'm all for that.

But it never happens. That was a really big issue for me coz I always stuck up for her behind her back and always talked her up. To find out she talked down about me and had someone talk to her about leaving and the fact she didn't say anything and never would have, I wouldn't even know if I didn't catch the message, so now I legit don't trust her.

I caught her talking to my mum on the phone and listened through the door and she was just rambling on about stuff creating drama that made me sick, alot like the stuff she was saying to her sister, I rang my mother the next day and just can't believe this women and how she goes on, talking behind my back.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Strong_guy — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 21:10:31 GMT

In life we can give 100% and give it our best go, or we can destroy ourselves and not be responsible for our problems and goals and blame life for being not fair. She is choosing to be lazy and hopeless.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Strong_guy — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 21:14:42 GMT

Financially for me and her it's alot better for this lease to go until the end. Other wise could end up homeless without money saved for a move or relocation.

I feel like telling her it's not working and I don't wanna be her partner anymore and go at date other people, obviously not at the house but go meet others away from the house. I wouldn't bring people here and disrespect her like that.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_7403 — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 22:38:06 GMT

You could always ask her to leave and take the lease on your own? Or vice versa if she doesn't want to leave?

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_7403 — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 22:42:37 GMT

Once people start taking their relationship problems to others (family, friends) and embellishing stories to make it appear worse then it is...its definately hard to come back from...as those people make it more difficult to recover from.

I know my wife took our issues to this chick from work she befriended and did the same, like your comment about getting drunk and ignoring your crying baby.

My wife told this woman, that when pregnant we would fight and id throw her out the house and that she spent half the pregnancy sitting in her car at the park crying cause she wasn't allowed home.

When relatity it happened twice, and I asked her to leave to give me a chance to think and cool off. She spent about 2 hours total at the park throughout her entire pregnancy. But as you pointed out with your partner, the story is embellished to others to make it appear far worse then it is.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_1643 — Mon, 16 Nov 2020 07:41:02 GMT

hey sorry to be a downer but going through her phone is not ok

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_1643 — Mon, 16 Nov 2020 07:46:55 GMT

It seems you would prefer to be with a woman who works and loves to excercise - and this isn't her. That doesn't mean she is bad, lazy or guilty for being fat. she might just not be a good fit for u. I'm sorry but to be honest I would also be very upset if someone went through my phone, read my texts and then judged me for it. That is not okay really, and might contribute to some of her behaviour. Her being lazy, not healthy, or not your type, doesn't mean that you have a right to read her texts.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Lillylane — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 02:15:22 GMT

When you first posted, strong guy, I tried to read with empathy. Many would relate to the life-changing ups and downs of becoming a new parent and the stress of experiencing a relationship break down. And venting happens.

But your posts go on to insult and degrade your girlfriend further and further... you call her “fat”, lazy” “unintelligent”.

You’re dragging her down in an attempt to make yourself look good. It’s doing the opposite.

You feel like telling her you don’t want to be her partner. What’s stopping you? Be KIND and acknowledge where you are both at.

Your baby son will pick up and absorb what is going on around him. Keep this in mind. Now and in the years to come.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Lillylane — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 06:18:10 GMT

Theborderline,

I guess I can see how that story didn’t need embellishment.

People need support in difficult times. Your wife did the right thing to speak to someone about it.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Juliet_84 — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 06:44:47 GMT

We can also choose to be kind and compassionate in this life. As someone who exercises regularly, I am all for the benefits it provides, but I would hate if my partner ever commented on my exercise regime or put that expectation on me. I do it for myself. I also understand that exercise is not the most important thing in the world, it’s a fairly shallow superficial pursuit to some extent. You are a 25 year old guy so I don’t blame you for feeling this way, but having a child requires a lot of support and emotional readiness. you have also obviously only been with your partner for a relatively short time, and it seems like more time before such a big commitment would have been good. Although that doesn’t help you now, it’s perhaps a lesson that you can take out of it for future.

Regarding the embellishment, my experience has been that people see situations through their own lens when upset, which can distort things. My partner has accused me of embellishing things in the past, whereas I contend that he has a history of minimizing things. In reality, when that happens, the situation has obviously upset me more than him and so I remember it as bigger.

My intention is not to beat you up, but you came across as a bit hard-nosed towards your partner given her circumstances. It seems like you have made up your mind and so I think separating is probably for the best, but I just hope that you learn and grow from this experience also.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_1643 — Wed, 18 Nov 2020 02:29:48 GMT

Hi Strong Guy -
A lot of women talk after birth about how hard it is to recover back to a healthy weight , and every one is different. Some people lose weight quickly, some take time but it's very personal. Her body may have healed 6 months after giving birth but it may take her a little more time - there's no rule for how long it can take.

She seems also to be upset in the marriage and to be contemplating ending it - was it this way before you had your son? It seems very unhealthy if the relationsihp has got to the point of listening to her when she's unaware while chatting to your mother or going through her phone. Those things mean there is no trust anyway. You say you lost trust in her when you read her negative comments about you on her phone, but it seems if you are already going through her phone there was not trust to begin with.

You also seem very keen and ready to date and meet other women. This is concerning when you are still living with a wife and have a small child with her. It would be good if you could find some closure soon with ur wife and tell her how you feel. I know it's hard financially but if splitting up is inevitable I think you should just bite the bullet and give it a go. She will also need time to find a place to live and sort out her affairs while she is sitll recovering from recently having a baby.

Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.

Guest_3256 — Wed, 18 Nov 2020 06:09:13 GMT

Hi Buddy.

I am really sorry to hear about you situation and you're not alone in how you feel.

I also want you to know that you can access an array of support to help you improve your mental health.

Beyond Blue have an amazing support line who are always eager to listen.

Know that this is not about you partner, this is about you being able to understand that she is not the root cause to your unhappiness. Blaming other's for your own doing will prevent you from being the best version of yourself. Relationship hopping based off someone's looks is not healthy in any way.

I would suggest you speak with health professionals as soon as possible to seek immediate support for how you feel.