topic New Baby in Relationship and family issues

New Baby

MummaOf4 — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 02:47:31 GMT

I wanted to share my experience of motherhood. My fiancee and I have been together almost 3 years and I absolutely love him. We fell pregnant and at 22 weeks we got told that our son has a rare heart condition and needs multiple surgeries. This has put me into so much depression from day 1 and still continue to have it. I feel broken, to the point of wanting to take myself from this world. My partner is a great dad but our relationship has changed in so many ways since bub was born.
He is so far up his daddy bum that I've never had the chance to bond properly with him, I try to settle him but I can't. He just won't because he will only settle for his dad.
I've felt like I'm a worthless mum and that I can't even take care of my own child because fiancee won't let me
I understand he wants to look after him and help me relax but how am I meant to be his mum when I can't.
Thank you for listening

New Baby

Sophie_M — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 03:58:23 GMT

Dear Mummaof4

We're so sorry to hear that you've felt like a worthless mum and are having thoughts of taking yourself from the world. We understand that this feeling must feel very overwhelming and we're glad you reached out to us. If you haven't already, it might be worth speaking to a GP about how you're feeling. Additionally, If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We hope that chatting on the forums brings you some comfort. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you need.

New Baby

SarahZ — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 04:53:53 GMT

Hi there MummaOf4,

Thanks so much for reaching out and being so honest and raw with your current situation. I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt hearing that your baby has a rare heart condition. It must also be exceptionally overwhelming and even a bit disheartening when you feel like the child isn’t bonding with you as much as your partner.

Have you talked about your feelings with your partner? Like you said, maybe he wants to take on a greater role to allow you to time to relax and have a rest. However, I’m sure if you communicated your want to be more hands on with your baby he would be understanding? What do you think?

You definitely are not a worthless mother. You are exceptionally strong and courageous. The fact you reached out to these forums shows how brave you are and the initiative you take wanting to become the best mother you can.

Please give an update whenever you feel up to it!

Wishing you the very best ~

New Baby

MummaOf4 — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 06:17:03 GMT

SarahZ

Thank you for reaching out, I truly appreciate it
Unfortunately he doesn't want to hear about how I feel. He only wants to hear what he wants to hear.
I've communicated on so many levels
I have another forum that I'll be doing soon which will explain more detail but for now I'm enjoying a break from him and deciding what to do from there.
I think this place, beyond blue will be my safe place. Where I can express my thoughts with no judgement

Thank you from the bottom of my heart xx

New Baby

Sweesoft — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 07:54:07 GMT

Hi there,

Have you talked to your doctor yet? Maybe you are Stay strong and keep the faith. Everything will turn out fine.

New Baby

SarahZ — Wed, 11 Nov 2020 08:02:23 GMT

Hello MummaOf4,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I'm really sorry to hear that your partner is not open to having a conversation about this. That must be really hard to cope with especially when you have communicated on multiple levels. It's heartening to hear that you are taking a break to consider things. You are very courageous and strong in doing so. Although I'm sure you have attempted this, do you share a close mutual person with your partner that you can relay this information to, and then they can hopefully communicate it to him? Potentially a mother or father in-law? even a sister/brother in-law? I know sometimes people who are in relationships it's helpful if they get an outsider perspective as they often have biased views once they're in the relationship.

Sending you positive thoughts MummaOf4. I can tell you are a lovely person and I'm sure also a terrific mother!