topic Ghosting and rejection in Relationship and family issues

Ghosting and rejection

Von is lost — Fri, 30 Oct 2020 12:15:22 GMT

I finally plucked up the courage to ask a guy I’d been casually seeing what he was thinking/feeling about us, and he just straight up ghosted me and hasn't replied in a whole week. I feel extremely hurt and desperate for answers, but I know there’s nothing I can do about it and I may not ever get an answer. I feel physically ill thinking about him but can’t seem to stop. I wish I knew how to value myself enough to know I’m better off without someone who doesn’t really want me.

Ghosting and rejection

white knight — Fri, 30 Oct 2020 12:40:07 GMT

Hi, welcome

I know how you feel, rejection is hard to swallow.

But, there is a saying "the benefit of the doubt". There is so many possibilities here, it isn't worth jumping to conclusions.

Google
Beyondblue topic the benefit of the doubt

TonyWK

Ghosting and rejection

geoff — Fri, 30 Oct 2020 18:33:31 GMT

Hello Von, it is always upsetting when a situation like this confronts us, but there maybe a reason why, and he might be annoyed that he can't inform you.

If a guy is keen on someone, getting no comment doesn't mean they will stop trying to make any connection, so you can ring, go around and see him, remember there are a multitude of people we all know who got rejected first, but ended up being together.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Ghosting and rejection

Doolhof — Fri, 30 Oct 2020 20:40:39 GMT

Hi Von,

As humans, we all need to feel a sense of connection and when that contact is broken for what ever reason, it can leave us feeling lost, confused, grieved and upset. As Tony and Geoff have mentioned, there may be many reasons why this guy has not responded to you.

You could send a cheery hello, hope you are okay message and see if you get a response. Some people are just after a casual connection and don't want to think about anything too serious.

Do you have other friends you can connect with right now so the sense of loss is not so great?

Are there things that you enjoy doing yourself? Can you try to do more activities that give you pleasure and a sense of purpose?

If this guy does not respond, please remind yourself that is his decision and it does not reflect on who you are as a person.

If you had the opportunity to go somewhere for the day, where would you take yourself?

Me, I would head to a beach or maybe a national park, have a long walk, sit and enjoy nature, have a lavish picnic lunch, and take the long scenic ride home.

Cheers to you from Dools

Ghosting and rejection

Von is lost — Sat, 31 Oct 2020 22:25:28 GMT

Thanks for the replies. I’m pretty certain it was his way of ending things without having to have a difficult conversation. I’m finding it hard not to take personally, I’m not sure how it isn’t personal. I guess a consolation is that if that’s how he deals with conflict then I don’t want to be with someone like that anyway

Ghosting and rejection

white knight — Sun, 01 Nov 2020 03:29:29 GMT

indeed, that is a good way to view it.

I had a GF that was a closet alcoholic. Once discovered she turned it all on me. "its you being bipolar that drove me to it".

I knew then that we would never achieve harmony.

TonyWK

Ghosting and rejection

Doolhof — Sun, 01 Nov 2020 07:24:39 GMT

Hi Von is lost,

It is understandable that you are taking this personally, it shows that you care and you have a heart.

It is easy for me to sit here and make suggestions, I am not the one who is in this predicament.

Feeling rejected can hurt. I certainly understand that.

I hope that sharing here is helping you in some ways. Writing down what we are experiencing can help us better understand how we think and feel about situations and circumstances.

Cheers from Dools

Ghosting and rejection

Guest_3256 — Thu, 05 Nov 2020 05:20:06 GMT

Hi Von.

I want you to know that it is perfectly normal to feel a sense of rejection. This usually stems from past trauma when you were a child. I like you and many others feel the same way, however, it doesn't mean you are not good enough. To be fair, they may not be good enough for you. Learn to by better for yourself and give yourself compassion because you are a great, strong and caring person. You sound like you'd make a fantastic partner. People like you are becoming scarce, so please own your fantastic and amazing qualities and if the person doesn't reach out, you don't need to wait for them.

Ghosting and rejection

Juliet_84 — Thu, 05 Nov 2020 07:33:46 GMT

Hi Von,

I actually responded to another post with this information, but upon reading it I think it may be more relevant here. I’m sorry to hear that you have been ghosted by someone you were starting to develop feelings for, you didn’t deserve that. I decided to reach out as I have ghosted people in the past, and I suppose I want a chance to explain things from the other side. I was in an abusive relationship that I was in for 15 years, and that took almost everything from me, before plucking up the courage to finally leave. After awhile of being on my own (and many years of feeling all alone), I decided to dip my toe in the dating pool again, possibly before I was ready. I went on some dates with some really nice guys but I had a lot of trouble letting my guard down and would often freak out and get a lot of anxiety when I started to develop feelings. Instead of having that conversation with them, I let the anxiety take over and ghosted them.I had told some people before that when I wasn’t feeling a connection and no one ever took it well, and when people said the same thing to me, it stung. So I figured that I was doing them a favor, by allowing them to wonder “what if”. But I realize now it’s incredibly hurtful to not provide someone with that closure as to the reason why. But I suppose I also wanted to highlight that in none of my instances did I ghost a person because I didn’t like them. It had more to do with where I was at and had nothing to do with them. I think just give him space and hopefully he will work through whatever he has going on.

Ghosting and rejection

Von is lost — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 10:45:02 GMT

I am posting here again as a follow up on the same situation with this person.

So he completely ghosted me about 3 months ago and I was devastated when it happened. I had no contact with him since and I had unfollowed him on all social media platforms so I could start getting over him.

I’m not sure what brought me to do it, and I’m a bit ashamed that I did, but I messaged him today asking what went wrong with us to hopefully get some closure (which I know is basically impossible to get). He replied quite angrily, called me “full on”, and accused me of things I haven’t done.

Being who I am, quite a sensitive person, I really took this hurtfully. And my anxiety levels have been through the roof, I’m so worried that he thinks badly of me because of things I didn’t do/didn’t intentionally do. I’ve come across the term “gaslighting” before, not sure if anyone else has. I’m wondering whether that’s what he has been doing to me this whole time (being manipulative, never saying sorry etc.) or whether I really am too sensitive or a “crazy ex”.

I really really don’t want him to think of me negatively, but it feels too late and that there’s not much I can do about it which has made me so anxious.

Ghosting and rejection

CalmCat — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 11:00:31 GMT

Hi Von is lost,

Thank you for such a open post.

Sometimes lovingly letting go is the best thing someone can do for their metal health. It may bring pain to the recipient, which is something we unfortunately have to accept.

Stay strong! There are plenty of fish in the sea! Or just give each other space and contact each other in the near furture!

Regards,

Ghosting and rejection

Guest_3256 — Wed, 30 Dec 2020 01:05:35 GMT

Hi Von is lost.

It wouldn't surprise me that you are dealing with a type or Narcissist.
If you flip the roles and you are him, what actions caused you to discard this new person in your life?
Then you reached out to him......he threw you straight under the bus - this is a control tactic.

You said: "what went wrong with us" which is a normal and healthy question.
His response was toxic: that you are 'full-on.'

My dear Von, this person will not change and you are allowing him to control you. Please let him go.
In his mind he is thinking, "I don't really value her so why do I need to deal with this person, why can't she leave me alone," not a healthy response at all.

You do not deserve to be treated with toxic behaviour - you deserve someone who is on your healthy wave-length. You're better than that.

Ghosting and rejection

Guest_4643 — Wed, 30 Dec 2020 05:31:26 GMT

Hi Von is lost, I'm really sorry to hear that. I think its the person's loss who didn't respond to you, not your fault. Good on you for having the courage to say you had feelings for this person, if they're going to be like that then you're probably better off without them. It's on them not you. I know how hard it is.

Ghosting and rejection

HannaMelb — Thu, 31 Dec 2020 01:29:11 GMT

Hi Von is Lost, in my experience when men want a woman, they would do anything to get her attention - simple as that. They may even get annoying!

So that's one thing; the other is, you wouldn't want to be with a gutless coward who disappeared without explanation and then when you reach out to him rightfully asking for answers, he slashes at you. He is not worth it - you are better off without him. He is not a nice person, regardless of what he may be going through - You just don't treat other people like that.

And supposing he was going through a rough patch - why on earth would you want to be with someone who has issues and reacts like that when someone else tries to get close to them? There are far better men out there with less issues or at least, other men who know how to deal with their own s**it without hurting others.

You deserve much better!

Ghosting and rejection

Guest_1584 — Sat, 02 Jan 2021 09:21:37 GMT

Hi op , if your still around.

But oh no , don't tell me we use ghosting and gas lighting terms here to now. The other 300 are all over the net which are usually US based forums and the terms the use in anything relationship or dating as they call it , are in the 100s and they're in such a mess it's hard tp fathom, if forums are any indication. l always think thk god we're still grounded with feet of the ground here but l see a lot of it creeping in lately even down to little ol oz.

But l have to wonder about both sides of the coin in your case first and about in what he's blaming you for and saying you did , especially with him just disappearing like that. l'm not saying he's right or that disappearing was fair not at all and he most likely is being those things. But did you have any problems , have you got any problems , how did you treat him, were there fights what were they over and things like that. You don't have to spell them all out here l'm just wondering for you yourself that's all.

Anyway , hang in there . rx

Ghosting and rejection

Guest_1643 — Sat, 02 Jan 2021 13:25:51 GMT

HI Von -

I see things a bit differently -
If u asked him how things were going in the r/ship and that lead to him running away, not answering and not speaking to u again - then better u fonund this out now. It's good u asked that question, if it had been bothering u, and wanted to see if the r/ship was going somewhere. He gave you your answer but for whatever reason couldn't give it to you in a direct or compassionate way.
That's also an answer.
It hurts deeply to be rejected and to not have that healthy conversation and break-up, maybe you could write down what you'd wnat to say to him and share it with a friend, or share it here, to process what has happened

Please take care of urself and be gentle, relatioships ending hurts super bad and in whatever way this has hurt you, pleaes try take the time to fill yourself up again with positive experiences.