topic Other woman claiming to be pregnant in Relationship and family issues

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Thu, 03 Sep 2020 21:36:49 GMT

I have been in this relationship for better part of 10 years, my partner took a job at the start of the year which required him not to come home - early start, late finishes, then I found out that another female was there needless to say I had my suspicions. Then she messaged me saying she was pregnant with his child, we had been in a break to sort things out. He told me that he did indeed have relations with her but with no intention to be with her, however, she has threatened me, sent over 40 messages claiming he is kicking me out so she can move in, has vandalised his things, gone through everything blabbed around the town personal information. She claimed that she would provide test results, but it’s been three days and nothing, she refuses to do a DNA test on said child. I’m fearful because I don’t see her stopping until she gets what she wants which seems to be my life, the house etc. does anyone have any insight into what I should do? Ignore her until she can prove otherwise? Counseling? I’m struggling to see the end to which lengths she will go. I feel what she has sent is half truths and what she wants me to believe. She is going to the extent of driving past, wanting to confront me. I feel that she is claiming to be pregnant to keep him, I feel she needs some professional help.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Summer Rose — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 01:26:37 GMT

Hi Orchard

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. My heart goes out to you.

I agree that she needs professional help and feel like you need protection. I'm wondering how your partner feels about her behavior? Do you see this as a situation where he could help by asking her to back off and asking her to stop contacting you?

It sounds as though the situation is causing you a lot of stress, worry and fear. It might be good for your health to have a chat with your GP or a counsellor just to give you some extra support.

If it was me, I think I would block her from my phone and social media and not give her any space in my head. I would concentrate on direct communication with my partner.

Kind thoughts to you

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Guest909 — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 01:35:19 GMT

Hi Orchard

Welcome to Beyond Blue; I hope you find the answers you are looking for on the forum.

From what you have shared; I think you have summed up the situation very well. Apart from what your partner has told you, whatever you hear from this woman has to treated as suspicious and unreliable. In your words; "half truths".

As to what you should do; that depends on you, your partner, and what you want into the future knowing what you know as fact. From the outside looking in, I see two immediate actions that you can take. I don't think ignoring her is an option.

1) Have a word to your partner and tell him what is going on - if he is committed to you, he will put an end to the threats and the drive- pasts. If that does not work, then go to option 2.

2) Seek and Intervention Order (IVO)

The text messages and the drive-pasts should be more than sufficient to secure an IVO. If you are not sure, go down to your local police station and tell them what is going on. They will look into the matter and issue an IVO on your behalf, if they think it is appropriate. At the very least, it can't hurt to talk to them.

In regard to the DNA test, just ignore it for what it is. A DNA test will require a sample from you partner. Without such a sample, there can be no DNA test; enough said.

Try not to get caught up in her drama. She can claim whatever she likes; that does not make it true.

I'm happy to help out if you have any questions!

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 02:04:22 GMT

He is furious that she has caused so many problems within such a short period of time, and thinks it was her right to sabotage our belongings, the police are yet to be involved, he has cut all contact with her. Yes I have contacted my psychologist just awaiting an appointment.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 02:09:43 GMT

I think that if she isn’t ignored she will continue due to her obvious mental instability and the fact what she believes in true, it’s dangerous at best. Considering she can’t provide evidence I do believe this is somewhat of a joke to try and get him back to be the partner and father to her child that she endeavours to seek and at any cost including ruining my family, and then she becomes a risk to our children, which is what I’m most afraid of: from what I gather she will see them as a threat if he says: leave me and my family alone, and the mentally of you chose her over me how dare you. It’s very scary.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Guest909 — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 02:33:08 GMT

If she is a threat to you and your family, you can't stand back and do nothing. The problem will not go away, but it can get worse. If this woman is mentally unstable; there is no telling what she might do.

I would think that the text messages, the destruction of property, and the drive-pasts would be sufficient grounds for an IVO. Go and have a talk your you local policeman. They might have a word with her.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Summer Rose — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 05:16:47 GMT

Hi Orchard

For what it's worth, my cousin once found herself in a similiar position to you. In her case, the other woman destroyed property and harassed. She chose to ignore her; no police. After her attempts to destroy the marriage failed she disappeared. My cousin got lucky.

At the time, I advised my cousin to go to police and I suggest you consider it, too. The reason I suggest that is it's impossible to know if the other woman is going to escalate and there is genuine reason to take action to protect your family.

I can only imagine how hard it is for you to be afraid for yourself and your children. Please take good care.

Kind thoughts to you

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 09:06:44 GMT

It is very difficult to pre empt what she may or may not do. The police will have to be involved with what she has destroyed so far. I feel really sorry for her and how mentally ill she must be to think all this is okay to try and destroy a family. I know she attaches herself to anyone that shows any sign of affection whether it’s reciprocated or not. But I don’t want to make it dangerous for my children either, I’m in two minds about the whole thing.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Summer Rose — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 10:16:05 GMT

Hi Orchard

Maybe just sit with it for awhile. You don't have to rush anything. Your psychologist should be helpful and hopefully it will become clearer in time.

In the meantime, please be kind to yourself, as you're going through such a tough experience. Pamper yourself, love yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for doing your very best to keep yourself well and find a safe path through for you and your family.

Kind thoughts to you

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Fri, 04 Sep 2020 10:48:17 GMT

Thank you very much, at this point in time my children are my priority everything else is halted and can wait. Just have to wait it out, and see what comes of all of this.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

quirkywords — Sat, 05 Sep 2020 08:57:33 GMT

Orchard

that sounds like a sensible plan. Just wait and have your children as your priority.When you feel like it if you want let us know how you are.?

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Sat, 05 Sep 2020 11:25:23 GMT

Yes of course, I keep having triggers and then all of a sudden nothing makes sense, then I question and although the answer is always the same I feel uncomfortable, violated, humiliated. It’s a horrible way to be, I wasn’t even I contributing factor, very hard not to take on board all the emotions, trying to keep them in check. See how I get on in time. Thank you.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 22:48:15 GMT

Well, so far no results have been given, the damage she has caused to the car is unbelievable, not only did she tag the outside she also put a knife through the leather seats, cut the wires so her and her friends could start it and move it - I’m not impressed. She has made a complaint to the police who called both of us - which was a lie so they never came out. I’m wondering if there isn’t anything she won’t do. She is driven by jealously and always has been, but she can’t have what I have. She needs some severe help.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Guest909 — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 00:10:45 GMT

The longer you prolong the inevitable, the worse the situation will get.

I don't see a, "happy ever-after" ending.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

quirkywords — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 08:45:34 GMT

Orchard

it seems you are in limbo which is so hard with the uncertainty involved.

She may need help but you and your family need to be safe and feel protected.

Mr Paul I am not sure what you mean by prolonging the inevitable as that may mean a few things.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Guest909 — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 02:15:32 GMT

Hi quirky'

I was referring to police intervention. I suggested an IVO in my previous posts.

cheers

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

ecomama — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 03:14:45 GMT

Orchard said:Well, so far no results have been given, the damage she has caused to the car is unbelievable, not only did she tag the outside she also put a knife through the leather seats, cut the wires so her and her friends could start it and move it - I’m not impressed. She has made a complaint to the police who called both of us - which was a lie so they never came out. I’m wondering if there isn’t anything she won’t do. She is driven by jealously and always has been, but she can’t have what I have. She needs some severe help.

Orchard, you need to phone the Police! You are not in a safe situation.

Yes I've been in a similar situation and the Police got involved and BOTH exH and affair partner were "warned off of each other".
It was either that or they both faced AVOs. And I wish the Police had done that.

It only got worse and exH was the main instigator.

I cannot believe your ex partner hasn't stepped up and phoned the police himself!
Especially since he started all of this drama. His affair partner is continuing it.
You seem to be the only one really suffering.
I can see you say you want to protect your children - but waiting for the next thing is a horrible situation.

I sat back at the time and watched the veritable circus unfold before me and I had zero to do with any of it. I also kicked him out and told her she could have him lol!

I got out of the disgusting relationship.
My kids and I are now "safe".

It really doesn't matter whether it's his child or not, or no child at all. He has been unfaithful and that's the initial material point.
He is not acting to protect you and the kids - that's the next.

I would call the Police and get an AVO, protect yourself and the kids.
You don't even have to involve your ex partner.

My Prayers are with you.
EM

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Summer Rose — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 06:28:14 GMT

Hi Orchard

Sounds like she has a lot of anger, which unfortunately or maybe fortunately, she took out on your car. Very strange that she had the nerve to make a complaint to police, given her behaviour.

It seems from your post that you spoke with a police officer and on that basis they didn't come to see you, is that correct? I'm wondering, if when talking to the officer and explaining the situation if they gave you any advice on how to protect yourself?

If the conversation didn't get that far and you feel comfortable, I'd like to encourage you to ring or go and see the officer you spoke with. It just might be a good opportunity to get some advice from someone who understands the issues, personalities involved and the law. How would you feel about that?

Kind thoughts to you

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 11:30:35 GMT

It’s a terrible feeling, it’s a small town, that I wantEd to bring our children up in but I’m seeing as though that may not be possible if this continues. He said he will go to the police station tomorrow and seeing if they will step in with an IVO especially after today’s events where he was at a mates place and she rocked up starting on him which grabbed his mates attention who demanded she leave, if not he will have to apply at the courthouse.
She hasn’t come to our property and started on me, only that once through message. I have had a lot of private numbers try and call me so I’m definitely considering changing my number. Really a bad situation to be in with one so volatile.

Other woman claiming to be pregnant

Orchard — Fri, 11 Sep 2020 11:33:32 GMT

Did the affair partner come after you?
He will be going to the police station tomorrow, as I said to him this Is your mess you need to deal with it, I haven’t spoken to my psychologist yet and don’t have an appointment until 24th September so I’m trying to hold this together as best I can. My children are my priority through all of this.