topic Alone again- not feeling good in Relationship and family issues

Alone again- not feeling good

Brenton5K — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 09:25:55 GMT

This is my first time at the site and my first post. Before writing, I read through several topics and threads that seemed to match how I am feeling and it left me thinking that there are people dealing with issues that seem way more difficult than anything I have experienced and that I should count myself lucky with my lot in life - and I guess that is true. But I can't get passed how I am feeling at the moment. I have never married, had kids and our family was never close. For the most part of my life I have lived alone but enjoyed a good social life but as I got older this slowly faded away. Over the last 2 years I rented out my spare room to someone who I got on really well with but today he told me that he is moving out and I will be on my own again and it has left me feeling so low. I am near retirement age and I am thinking that all I have to look forward to is a lonely life when all I really want is someone be around. The more I write, the more I think I should just pull myself together and get on with things - which is what I have done in the past, but this time it feels so much worse and I don't know why. I guess I am not as good at rolling with the bumps and hurdles as I used to be. There is a lot more I could write but I think thats enough.

Alone again- not feeling good

monkey_magic — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 09:40:56 GMT

Hi Brenton5K,

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

My first thought was why not advertise that room to be filled by someone else. You can then interview candidates and find the right fit, hopefully someone you will get on with as much as the other person.

You might also benefit from putting yourself out there and getting involved in the community somehow. Anything to feel less lonely right?

I hope others jump on board to offer you some suggestions also.

Good luck,

Alone again- not feeling good

Brenton5K — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 10:03:35 GMT

Thank you for the welcome. I did think about, and probably will, advertise the room - its just that it feels like there is a big hole at the moment and I didn't know where to turn so I posted on here so that I could unload a bit I guess. I know tomorrow is another day but I am struggling to think much past how I am feeling now.

Alone again- not feeling good

Mez79 — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 10:06:42 GMT

Hi Brenton
I know what it's like to feel lonely, I myself was never fortunate to marry & have kids & everyone else my age seemed to have settled down.
For a time there I joined a gym which helped me for a while there. I'd made some new friends and would do the occasional dinner out or fun run.
Is there an activity that you like to do or perhaps a hobby?
Probably leasing out the room again would be a good idea. Especially when you can speculate the type of person you'd like to see apply.
Hope this helps.
Mez

Alone again- not feeling good

Lucylu75 — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 10:14:59 GMT

Hi Brenton5K, I'm new to this site also & I can relate. I've also never married or had kids & as I get older I'm finding life harder to deal with. I also know there are many others worse off than me... I have a good job, a nice place to live, great family & had a happy childhood, yet depression & anxiety have plagued me more than half my life & for some reason I'm struggling with it more now than ever, hence joining this site. You are not alone, as much as it feels like it, & I hope we both can find the support we need 🙂

Alone again- not feeling good

Brenton5K — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 10:16:05 GMT

Thank you for replying and the suggestions. I don't know what to say at the moment but I appreciate the help. Thanks

Alone again- not feeling good

Guest_1584 — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 13:36:07 GMT

Hi op .

l hear what your saying l've been through a lot of it myself too the last 7yrs after marriage. l know by the sounds of it you probably weren't married but sometimes l think it's worst to have had it and lost anyway yaknow. And now l feel as if l don't make a decision about someone soon l waste more years then it's too late .

Not sure if your interested in meeting someone if it was to happen but ever used a date site. ? Seems to be the way these days and with the computer world people seem to be getting more and more isolated so it might be a way of getting out or opportunity for you without even getting out .

If you liked the sharing thing too maybe you could look for someone that wants something long term next. Lotta people out there getting older but don't own a place probably looking to just settle in somewhere if you get along they might stay forever.

Another thing crossed my mind a few years back was taking in a foster care child because they were advertising a lot and really needed the carers and l love kids and hate knowing they're in that situation . Didn't in the end because my daughter comes and goes a bit, not enough , but she was only 16 then went through the divorce l thought maybe having some strange kid here might upset her so l didn't do it. Being male to l'd probably be grilled so much by the agency beforehand it's probly not worth bothering with so all thing considered l passed in the end.

Anyway , just a few thoughts, hang in there.

Alone again- not feeling good

Desedrata — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 17:57:49 GMT

Hello,

I was thinking perhaps you could organise a hobby club. There is a website called, "meetup" where people start up meet up groups for all sorts of activities. A number of them just hold meetings at alternating members homes. You would be surrounded by lots of people with a common interest to you and when someone moves away next, it will come as less of a blow because you will still have lots of familiar faces still around to keep you company. It doesn't even have to be a hobby. It could be a "sip tea and chat club" if you prefered.

Alone again- not feeling good

Brenton5K — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 22:13:01 GMT

Thank you randomx for taking the time to write such a full reply and what you have said really helped. Although I probably wouldn't go down the track of taking on foster children, the other ideas you mentioned gave me some hope. I really liked the idea that there might be people out there who might need the help of some where to live because a big part of why I think I feel so lonely, is that when I feel that I am not needed, I spiral down. I didn't get much sleep last night just feeling isolated and so today isn't being the new day I hoped for but your words have given me a spark of hope. Thank you.

Alone again- not feeling good

Brenton5K — Sat, 12 Oct 2019 22:19:11 GMT

Thank you for your reply. I think that is a great idea and funnily enough just last night I did join a men's meetup group and I will go to their next meeting and see if that is something I could get involved in. I am going to have to do something because I just feel like I am going to sink down further and it will only get harder.

Alone again- not feeling good

Betternow — Sun, 13 Oct 2019 03:43:19 GMT

Hi there Brenton5K

It seems your letter has touched quite a few in the BB community. I reckon your post has brought up a point that doesn't get a lot of airplay, loneliness takes on a different form as we get older. You write that you used to have a good social life, people come, people go but as we age it is natural we tend to seek security and emotional warmth more so than in the first half of our life. Somehow, we seem to lose some of our resilience as we age.

I too can relate to this as I sit in my quiet house at my computer on a Sunday afternoon. I've just come back from walking my two dogs, watching families play and laugh in the park and I have that lonely feeling now. I am in my retirement years and as a man, I have to work very hard to stay socially connected. Its not easy but you must try.

What you are experiencing now will be worse in retirement unless you put a plan together to stay socially alive. There are many volunteer jobs advertised that can have you chatting to people (don't choose a job where you work alone, I made that mistake). Think about joining a golf or tennis, there are quite a few elderly singles in this environment I have found.

By all means, advertise for a lodger again if that works for you. Good luck.

Alone again- not feeling good

Brenton5K — Sun, 13 Oct 2019 08:32:36 GMT

Hi Betternow - I think what you have written is very insightful and certainly rings true with me. I am hoping that the first meetup group I go to works out and then I can look for other groups that might be good to join. I can't have pets where I live otherwise I think a dog would be a great companion. Your post, along with all the other replies that people have been good enough to add to this thread, have really helped me feel more connected and I really appreciate the time and effort that it takes to write them. I would like to keep writing about the things I try in case anyone is interested in reading about my experiences. Thanks again.

Alone again- not feeling good

Guest_1584 — Sun, 13 Oct 2019 10:43:18 GMT

Hi op , no worries hope something helps. The really long term does work because l rent out a little cabin and l say in the ad suit somebody very long term or permanent and l get heaps of people looking for permanent.

All the best. rx

Alone again- not feeling good

Mez79 — Sat, 19 Oct 2019 13:42:06 GMT

Hi Brenton
How'd you end up going at your first group? Has it helped. Back home here someone is looking at bring in a men's walking group like he experienced in another town. Maybe that could be an option. The idea is to get groups of guys together and try to start talking about men's health and mental health.
Hope this finds you well.
Mez