topic How to get over a guy.. in Relationship and family issues

How to get over a guy..

April30 — Sun, 06 Oct 2019 06:49:58 GMT

Im friends with this guy and I really like him as more than friends, but I know we could never work out together, and that hurts me so much but I can't get myself to get over him.. I've heard the only way to get over a guy is to just stop talking to or having anything to do with them. But I don't want to lose the friendship.. So I don't want to do that.. But this is hurting me so much..

But is that the only way to get yourself to move on?

How to get over a guy..

Merkles — Sun, 06 Oct 2019 21:24:59 GMT

I am in the same place as you, however I have very strong feelings for a woman, who told me she has feelings for me too, however is now back with her ex, I can't seem to stop thinking about her from when I wake up and until I go to bed, which isn't healthy. Just to let you know you're not alone though.

How to get over a guy..

Soba_Kinoko — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 01:55:02 GMT

Hey April30 and Merkles

I too am in a similar situation to you both. I have strong feelings for a co-worker who has reciprocated same feelings but is in a long term relationship. From my understanding, she is not happy but I keep getting mixed messages from her. I met with them both and they said they want to work on their relationship and I said I would like to make peace with them both but I still got mixed messages from her. I should just move on, but my feelings for her are so strong, I can't stop thinking about her. I don't have any friends either I can share this with but would love to help if I can with your situation. I'm not sure if there is a clear solution? I have learned not to force things though and try to take care of myself as much as possible. I have been single for over a year now and it's pretty hard being on your own. Have you both considered finding a counsellor to help you through this? I did this but my 10 sessions have run out and it can get expensive. Do you have family/ friends to talk to as well?

I totally understand not wanting to lose the friendship you have developed April30 as it's hard finding genuine connections with people... a rarity really for me. Sorry I am not much help but I wanted to reach out and say that you are both not alone and if I figure out a way to move on from this I will be sure to post back.

How to get over a guy..

Chickem100 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 04:24:08 GMT

H iApril 30

I've been in a similar situation with a female colleague, we've become great friends and I'm happily married but found myself with feelings for her, it's been difficult and not without its challenges but I've found talking about it with others on here and with some counselling I'm coming out the other side, it's not perfect but I'm getting there. You're not alone and I'd be more than happy to chat further as I think we could all help each other.

Have a great day and hope to speak soon

How to get over a guy..

April30 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 06:01:55 GMT

Thanks heaps Chickem100 and Soba Kinoko,

True, yeah sounds like it be a good idea to go talk to a counsellor.. I just have a hard time trying to open up to people/counsellors.. And I wish counselling wasn't so expensive..

Wish I could just stop liking him.. We used to work together, but then he left that job. So now we don't see each other hardly cause he's so busy with his new job.. And I worry that I'm the only one trying to put any effort in the friendship, cause I really want to see him so I always end up being the one saying hey can we hang out... Just stuck between do I just need to let it go, or keep trying cause maybe maybe something could work out.. So hard to know.. I don't really have any idea if he likes me back, he does stuff that makes me think he must like me, but then things like him not being the one asking to catch up makes me think he must not..

thanks again for your replies, I appreciate it!

How to get over a guy..

IsaJett — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 06:13:20 GMT

Hi april30

I don’t think that is a good way ..to just cut him out . I mean there is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends ...and at least he is still in your life ...even as a friend that is still awesome too. You can still like him but as a friend is really great too. I mean you can also love him as a friend ...nothing wrong with that either . Try not to suppress your feelings...just feel whatever you feel and know that its ok . If you suppress your feelings it just come on stronger . Tell him its a shame you guys cant work ...but you still love him all the same . It will all work out in the end . In time your feelings will dissipate because they are just feelings ...they come and go and the next thing you know you be dating someone else more suitable .

You know what that saying ...”when one door shuts ...200 other doors open..”. hahah

Oh yeah you heard it here for the first time ..I made it up ... But the doors open ..you just have to stop staring at this closed door ...lol

good luck with it my friend ...I hope this helps you

How to get over a guy..

April30 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 06:30:19 GMT

Thanks heaps IsaJett. Really appreciate your reply.

Well yeah that is true.. Because I really don't want to cut him out of my life.. Well I haven't actually told him I like him, I want to, but I didn't know if it was a good idea to or not.. I always just over think everything and freak out haha..

Like I just want to open up to him but I freak out that if I told him what goes on in my depressed mind that he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. Which I know sounds stupid cause only a rubbish friend would leave because of that.. But I worry that I'm sure he has enough of his own things to worry about and what if he thinks I'm just attention seeking and being stupid.. Which I know is also pretty stupid to say because he is a decent guy so why would he think that.. But I just worry I can't open up to anyone about my depression without them thinking I'm attention seeking and just being a wuss..

Haha yeah that is true about needing to stop staring at the closed door... Seems like such a simple thing to do so then why's it gotta be so hard? Haha..

How to get over a guy..

Chickem100 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 08:53:30 GMT

As you said only a rubbish friend would leave if you were to open up about any issues you might be having, I know it's awful worrying about what others might think but being honest with yourself and others is a sure fire way to find out who is worth spending your time on! IsaJett makes some very good points and one about having an awesome friend is right up there. Anytime I have any thoughts/issues regarding my friend I remind myself how happy I'am to have her as a friend. I wish I had the solution for you! but feelings will change over time, and this will get easier. Have you tried focusing your attention elsewhere? Tricky I know but sometimes a change of focus can be a start.

How to get over a guy..

Desedrata — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 09:52:21 GMT

There are other ways to move on besides cutting someone out of your life. There is no right or wrong answer. Only you know which decision is best for your own wellbeing.

Whether you decide to maintain contact or not, I do believe taking some time for yourself and going out to places where you can make new friends without him would be good for you. Also, if you wish to remain friends with him then let him contact you next and let him suggest and organise the meet up. If he doesn't contact you, well then, you have your answer.

How to get over a guy..

IsaJett — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 10:30:38 GMT

Hi April
Glad that helps you . You can definitely be honest with him about your feelings. He possibly isn’t good on opening up either . Guys tend to be more quiet on that front . Hahah .
But you should leave your ego and pride aside ...because those are things that just get in the way of life...so to speak . I also had a crush on a guy and I just came out with it all and I felt good about doing it . Haha .
Its all good I feel what I feel and I ain’t gonna apologise for feeling all those wonderful feelings as they are . Hahaha whether I get to date him or not ...its ok too because he is a wonderful being and can instil great feelings in me ...so why not rejoice in that ? I just tell him ,, I thank god he exists everyday . If someone can be there in your life and pick you up ...make you smile when you are down ...then you want to just make sure he continues to be in your life ...in one shape or form .

You know its ok to have depression . I have learned to embrace my depression . I dedicated a youtube channel to break the silence and stigma on Depression .

In this channel I reach out to people going through break ups etc . Through my dance therapy ...Its really quite fun .
I just dance in my room ...hahahah but its the best fun ever . You should do it too . You will feel really good ...hope you try this dancing ...and singing really loud ...like you are rock star .Get those oxytocin going ...lol

Good luck my friend keep writing 🙂

How to get over a guy..

Loco23 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 14:04:14 GMT

Different people work in different ways. The 'cold turkey' method definitely works for me.The way these situations usually go for me is I tell a girl that I like her... if she rejects me, I try to continue being friends. If I find that to be too hard, I explain to them that I really value the friendship but my feelings wont go away, therefore I think time apart will help. The first few days/ weeks are rough... Am i making the right decision? Maybe we can still be friends? I try to push all that out. After about a month though, I realise my feelings have somewhat subsided and I get a satisfaction from overcoming the challenge. There's also a good feeling in that I took hold of the bad situation and I dealt with it.

This might not work for you but it might be worth a try if nothing else seems to work.

All the best.

How to get over a guy..

MissBenthos — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 21:35:35 GMT

Hi everyone,

Friends are platonic. Do you really want to be friends with this person? Lying to yourself is one of the most damaging things you can do - I know from experience. What is it about this person that has you so hooked on them? Do they represent some type of escape from yourself? Do you want to be more like them? Are you dreaming of possibilities instead of looking at what is? It's time to focus on yourself, find and work on the best version of you.

April30, my suggestion would be to let him know how you feel but also step away from the friendship while he considers options, make sure he understands why you can't be friends right now so he can respect your boundaries. This will allow him to pursue you if he wants the same thing or give you space to move on. If he only wants friendship you will have the space away from him (make sure you create that space - no social media stalking or occasional contact) to potentially come back to something platonic in the future, after - and only after - you have moved on. Do not let him sit somewhere in between with excuses, it's relationship or break, a good boyfriend/true friend will respect your needs. It's not easy by any means, but setting up boundaries like this are going to help you move forward. You don't have to take this method, however, I believe it will give you the most clarity around the situation.

Good luck xoxox

How to get over a guy..

April30 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 21:43:51 GMT

Thanks everyone for your advice. So good to be able to talk to people..

Thanks IsaJett, Haha yeah true about pride and ego just getting in the way of life.. I'm always stuck between going stuff it just say /do whatever cause you never know how much time anyone has left, or knowing if that's really the right thing to do or not..

Haha it just does my head in cause I feel to much an I kinda just wish I didn't have any... Cause I hate having to try not feel them or let them out..

And that is true I'd rather have him stay in my life as a friend then to cut him out.. But that's the one thing I worry with if I told him about my feelings is what if he gets weird about it an it ends the friendship anyways..

Thanks, I need to learn to embrace my depression too haha..

Good on ya with your YouTube channel. It does look fun haha.. I've always been way too awkward to dance but yeah maybe I'll try in my bedroom so no one can see me 😂

And thanks again, really appreciate you replying

How to get over a guy..

April30 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 22:00:06 GMT

Thanks MissBenthos,

That is true.... And as much as I don't want to do that, you could be right.... I will actually be moving states at the end of the year so guess that'll force some space.. The thing thats making it more complicated for me to decide what to do though is that I know we can't really work out as more than friends. So just trying to decide whether to stay friends with him an try deal with all these feelings for him that I have (which isn't going very well) or if yeah, explaining to him that I really like him, but know we can't work out so I'm gonna need some space for a while.. Cause that's the thing I want to tell him I like him to get it off my chest, but then I think well is there any point cause if he happens to like me back, we can't work out anyway so is that really helping anything.. But I guess things would be more clear then and maybe it's better to have the feelings out anyway. And if he doesn't like me back an it gets weird then I guess it'll hurt even worse for a while but probably eventually help me move on..

Too many decisions, I hate making decisions haha.. Especially ones like this where there isnt necessarily a right or wrong thing to do, but whatever you choose does have a big impact on your life.. So hard..

How to get over a guy..

MissBenthos — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 22:10:34 GMT

May I ask what the reason you can't be more than friends is?

How to get over a guy..

April30 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 22:25:18 GMT

Well um he's 12 years older than me.. (😳it's embarrassing an I know it sounds weird for me to like someone that much older.... 😕) and as much as I like him I just think that's too much of an age gap.. Also I am a Christian and I don't think he is, and the Bible says not to marry non Christians...

I don't even really know why I like him, but I just really do.. It sucks..

But then the other thing is I don't know but sometimes I get the feeling he just sees me as a little sister anyway. (Which to be honest is fine with me, and probably for the best since I don't think we can't work out). Cause like twice now he's asked if I have a boyfriend (I've never had one in my life) and he said to let him know when I get one so he can go bash him up.. And I know he cares about me, but yeah I don't think it's in the 'I love you' way.....

How to get over a guy..

Chickem100 — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 22:46:53 GMT

Hi April30,

That's interesting you say that about the little sister thing, for me that indicates that he see's you as a good friend who he cares deeply for but only as a friend. I say this because I've been referred to as a "Big Brother" which made it very clear the relationship we had. Now this isn't gospel by any length, just my point of view as it struck a chord. As for the age gap, I don't necessarily think that's a huge problem, if 2 people connect in any way, then age is just a number.

How to get over a guy..

MissBenthos — Mon, 07 Oct 2019 22:49:43 GMT

I don't think that's weird. It could add extra bumps to a relationship but it is possible to have age gap relationships. I'm not really sure how to respond to the religious aspect as my perspective is not a religious one. I believe that a relationship does not have to be traditional, life-long, marriage and children to be a successful relationship. If it conflicts with your beliefs though that does add another layer of complexity and you need to do what feels right for you without cognitive dissonance if possible. Is there someone in your church you could talk to about it?

How to get over a guy..

IsaJett — Tue, 08 Oct 2019 01:01:56 GMT

Hi april ..yeah be awesome if you try the dance at home...hahha the music must be loud though...otherwise it wont work ...and then you got to work the mirror ..hahahah like a rockstar .

He sounds like a nice person so I dont think your feelings would freak him out . I mean if i were him ..I be flattered that someone likes me ..haha. I know of no one ...that dont want to be loved and cared for as a friend . I’m saying bring it on ...hahah

Dont overthink it ...when you tell him how you feel ...you will feel way better . I remember I had the same thing too....but when it came out ...it was so awesome ..I did it more for myself . And he was a little taken a back but i think he was secretly flattered but in all honesty ...his reaction will be his own responsibility and not yours.

So you just do whatever feels right and good to you and he will do whatever feels right and good to him . And everyone is happy .

You just be ok with whatever his reactions ....dont have any expectations . All you want to do is tell him how you feel ...thats it.

I really did it because I simply couldn’t hold it in ...hahah those strong feelings ...but I was just so happy . Spread the love I say .

My guy and I have a huge age gap too and it works and really chickenm100 is right ...it is the connection between two people that will determine the success.

You know even if a guy was a right age etc ...it might not exactly work out . So age isnt really the deal breaker ...but that is my personal opinion . I know of many people in my circle that has huge gaps and it works .

Good luck with it ...and start dancing ...cos its fun

keep writing April 😉

How to get over a guy..

April30 — Wed, 09 Oct 2019 11:13:22 GMT

Hey Chickem100,

Well yeah I mean I don't know for sure if he does see me like that, but it's the feeling I get sometimes from how he acts an what he says an stuff.. I just want to be able to tell him I like him without it being weird haha.. Wish I could just like say 'I really like you but I know we probably couldn't work out so can I just adopt you as my big brother instead?' haha...

But that's true about age gaps I guess..😕