topic Twice the loss in Relationship and family issues

Twice the loss

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Thu, 21 Nov 2019 11:12:43 GMT

I was pregnant and lost my baby. Then two weeks later my partner left. I don't even know how I've held it together since. I don't have anyone. I am estranged from my family and I don't have any friends or a job, because I have bad anxiety. It was my anxiety that drove my partner away. I don't even blame him. But I'm just so sick of being alone. I literally feel sick from loneliness.

Twice the loss

geoff — Thu, 21 Nov 2019 16:14:55 GMT

Hello Katy, I'm devastated by what has happened to you, and my heart goes out to you for these tragic losses.

If you get help starting off with your doctor, in being able to learn how to control this anxiety then you'll be able to find some friends, easier said than done, because it doesn't happen with the click of a finger it requires help from a counsellor.

SANDS can be contacted on this number 1300 072 637 or visit them o https://www.sands.org.au/ for the unfortunate loss of your baby, I am truly so sorry that this happened.

-Pregnancy Birth and Baby 1800 882 436 or you can ring them for advice and emotional support anytime 7 days a week

-Bears of Hope 1300 11 HOPE provides grief support and care for families who experience the loss of their baby.

If you can contact all or any of these places they maybe able to tie a few of your concerns altogether, which we really hope can happen.

If you can please get back to us.

Take care.

Geoff.

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Aaronsis — Thu, 21 Nov 2019 22:26:03 GMT

Hi Katy

Welcome to the forum and I am so desperately sorry for the loss of your baby, I have no idea how painful that is and I am so very sorry this has happened to you.

Geoff has given you some excellent contacts to start to reach out and share your experience with and get some support from people who have also been through the loss of a baby.

To have the extra layer on top of having your partner leave to is so very hard and I think that a trip to your GP to chat through this and how you are feeling will be a really good start. They are professionals and can give you some solid tools to help you through this time.

It is so great that you have reached out here and I hope you come back and let us know how you are getting along.

Hugs to you Katy

Twice the loss

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 08:11:14 GMT

Thankyou both. I've been to the GP today and had a big cry to her. She has validated my feelings, as have you, and that's much appreciated. She has also given me something to help me sleep, and told me to download a meditation app. It's a start. Thanks for the support group info. It's nice to know there is somewhere I can go where people will understand. It's been hard not having anyone to share with. Thanks again.

Twice the loss

Aaronsis — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 08:38:55 GMT

Hi Katy

That is fantastic news I am so very pleased to hear that you have done that for yourself and that you are on the road to getting well and making a happy you, that is fantastic.

We are here anytime you would like to chat and I hope you do keep coming back to let us know how you are going, or just to say hi.

Big hugs to you Katy and thank you for letting us know this great news.

Twice the loss

geoff — Fri, 22 Nov 2019 14:14:41 GMT

Hello Katy, as AS has said please contact whenever you want to talk to somebody, our thoughts are with you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

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Katyonthehamsterwheel — Thu, 28 Nov 2019 12:37:13 GMT

I posted recently as I suffered a pregnancy loss, but my partner also left a week later. I just found out he started seeing someone right away and is still seeing them. It makes me feel like I meant nothing, and the baby meant nothing. I was finding it hard already to keep myself together, and now this. Please someone tell me something that will make sense of it. Tell me how I just be ok with it all. I'm really feeling overwhelmed

Twice the loss

geoff — Thu, 28 Nov 2019 14:51:58 GMT

Hello Katy, it's always a terrible shock to find out that someone has left, forgotten about what you have been through and the devastation left behind is awful and perhaps this new relationship could have already been happening during your pregnancy.

Under all of what you have been through, which I'm deeply sorry for, have a think about, is it better that he has gone now, rather than later when you are trying to cope with 2 or 3 children, and I apologise for saying this,

Can I ask you what you would do if he tries to get back with you?

Take care.

Geoff.

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Katyonthehamsterwheel — Fri, 29 Nov 2019 05:19:09 GMT

At my age and single there won't be kids 😞 I'm not interested in getting back with him. Just struggling to understand. But I guess understanding isn't the point. I just need to stay safe until I have the motivation to try getting mentally well. Thanks for the reply.

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Aaronsis — Fri, 29 Nov 2019 05:47:16 GMT

Hey Katy

I am so sorry to hear how sad you are and this is really such a horrible experience to have to go through. It will take time to get well and to keep yourself safe during this time is a very very good idea. I am wondering if you have downloaded the app from Beyond Blue? It is the Beyond Now - Suicide Safety app:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

We are here to support you through this time Katy, you have so much hurt and I hope you feel supported and cared for here.

I am glad to hear that you are trying to move on from the relationship and that you don't have the desire to go back. I think some time for you and some healing for you would be wonderful at this time. You mentioned you felt better after visiting your GP and had a big cry and a chat, do you think that it would be helpful to make another appointment just to follow up and keep safe?

Huge hugs to you and I hope you can find something to make you smile really soon.

Hugs

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Katyonthehamsterwheel — Mon, 02 Dec 2019 10:34:26 GMT

Thanks for the hugs. I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday. Right now I'm just feeling really teary and want some company 😞 I don't know if there's a spot for that. So i'll post here and maybe someone might feel like saying hi.

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Ggrand — Mon, 02 Dec 2019 10:55:29 GMT

Hello Katy..

Im deeply sorry about about everything that has happened to you....my heart goes out to you lovely lady...

I live alone in a tiny village nearly 400 kilometres from my three sons...I hear from on occasionally...one when he needs me..the other never...it does at times get so overwhelming the loneliness of my daily life...I’m elderly and on dsp and only one friend in my village of 200 people..

I do voluntarily work once a week...it’s the only day I go out really...my anxiety keeps me at home mostly...

anyway I came in to say hello and hope your doing okay...and would love to help try to support you..if that’s okay...

Kind thoughts...with love and hugs.

Grandy..

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Katyonthehamsterwheel — Mon, 02 Dec 2019 12:00:03 GMT

Hey Grandy 🙂 Thanks for the love, hugs and company. It does indeed get overwhelming sometimes this being alone. I'm glad you understand. I've thought about volunteer work, but I'm scared to commit in case my anxiety means I can't get myself there. So good on you for managing that. That's pretty great. I've been trying to exercise to make sure I get out of the house once a day or I think I'd go mad. Sometimes I have to really try find the motivation though, which is hard when I'm so down at the moment. Thanks for saying hi. It's brightened my day. Love and hugs back at you, Katy

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Ggrand — Mon, 02 Dec 2019 20:56:08 GMT

Hello Katy..🤗..

When I first started volunteering..I was more not attending then attending because of my anxiety..I had a melt down at work not long after I started and I told him of my mh struggles..he was very understand told me to come in when I’m feeling able to...The girls I work with on my day also know and it’s made it so much more easier to get into work..

I tried to go outside and walk daily but I couldn’t manage it and fell apart on one of the walks..so I can’t do them anymore..I try hard to do inside some type of exercise but mostly it’s wake up and lounge all day...which I know isn’t good but my motivation is non existent most days....

I am pleased your going to see your gp on Thursday..please Katy if you can..try hard to tell your gp..exactly how your feeling and thinking..That way your gp can help you in the best way possible with your mh...That’s really important..if you you find it to hard or stressful to speak openly about you mh..just maybe show your gp..your posts here....or write down your feelings and thoughts on a piece of paper and give it to your gp...

Im about to go to my volunteer job now..it’s takes a while to get their as it’s in the next town...and country roads are not that great to drive along... and we share the roads with kangaroos.. 🦘

I hope today is a better day then yesterday Lovely Katy...please try hard to do something nice for you today..

Kind thoughts dear lady..with love and hugs..🤗💜..

Grandy..

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Katyonthehamsterwheel — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 03:20:18 GMT

Feel like I should feel better. But I feel very very not better. Having more tears and more bad thoughts with each passing day.

Twice the loss

Ggrand — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 04:20:17 GMT

Hello Katy..🤗..

Awe sweetheart I’m sorry your feeling very very not better..

Katy..it’s hard to do I know,..but is there a way you can destruct your negative thoughts in some way...Do you play internet games at all...I do play a few..mails mind challenging ones..like jigsaws, word games etc...Even if it can distract you from your bad thoughts and tears for a little while it gives your mind a little rest...

Deep breathing is another good distraction when you count in for 5 hold for 4 then out for 5...

Monday my doctor asked me to download the app called “Virtual Hope”..it has a few different ways to help settle anxiety.....I have a thread on here called..”Grounding What is it and how do we”..it has many ways to help ground ourselves quickly when we’re overly anxious.....

Here if you need/ feel to talk...

Kind thoughts..with love and hugs..💜🤗.

Grandy..

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Katyonthehamsterwheel — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 09:57:41 GMT

Thanks Grandy, you're lovely and I appreciate your support. I did try taking some deep breaths today. Just keep swimming I guess. I hope your day has been a good one x

Katy (hugs back at you)

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Ggrand — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 11:39:26 GMT

Hello Katy..

How are you feeling lovely lady?..

I agree that we have to keep swimming and trying to help ourselves as the meds and psychologist are just their to guide us the best way they can...

Motivation to do anything is really hard when we’re feeling down..but even just baby steps are a big achievement...

Do you have any hobbies or things that you used to like before your mh became hard to manage?...or any pets?..

I have two little dogs and they are all I see and talk to for 6 days a week...I love them but sometimes they just can’t take my loneliness away....Like having close friends do..

Thank you for your beautiful post at mine..I appreciated the hugs back...and also appreciate you and your words so much...You have a beautiful soul..which shines through your words...Please Katy don’t let anyone make you think any different...

Some people can hurt us deeply through their words and actions toward us...Try hard not to believe them..because they are lies they tell us..to try to control and manipulate us...It’s the only way they know...but it’s so wrong..

Believe in yourself Katy...I can see through your posts that your a very kind compassionate person..Your helping people here on the forums..and that gold Lovely Katy..

I hope today has been a good day for you..

I hope you have a restful sleep tonight with beautiful dreams...

Love and hugs..💜🤗..Kind thoughts..

Grandy...

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Tess2 — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 16:58:43 GMT

Dear Katy,

i also am so sorry that you have had this terrible loss and then your partner being so awful.

You have been given some excellent advice by some wise people. You are also doing the right things in seeing your GP and keeping in touch with her. You need to keep yourself safe.

The loss of a child at any stage of a pregnancy is a truly unique and terrible sadness. You have also lost hope and a future that you had thought about with your child. My thoughts go out to you.

The loss of your relationship is another blow. And to find he is seeing someone else so quickly is very distressing for you, but it tells you about the quality of person he is. but that doesn’t stop it being sad.

Anxiety is awful. I have had depression since I was a young woman, but only had anxiety in the last four years. It is frightening and leaves me exhausted and shattered. It is really important that you talk to your doctor about the symptoms you experience and follow advice as best you can. You have also been given good advice here. Exercise is very good, I also think getting enough rest and eating well are important. You need to take care of yourself.do small things that nurture yourself. One little thing each day if you can.

loneliness is distressing and a trap, because , well for me, I have made it worse by isolating myself, it becomes a trap. I make promises to myself often to change, but I don’t, but just keeping in touch with one person does help.

please keep posting here if it helps, you will find it very supportive

tess

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Katyonthehamsterwheel — Sun, 08 Dec 2019 03:47:05 GMT

hi Grandy

Thanks for your reply. I took your advice and told my GP how I was feeling. My thoughts about doing something bad have gone from scary to background noise, but they are still there. She has asked me to check in with her again in 2 weeks. I wish I could see my psychologist for a good long talk but I can't see her for another month yet. It's hard not having anyone to talk to. Like you I have a dog and she's great company, but she can't talk and I still feel lonely. Most days I don't have any human contact. I also don't enjoy doing anything at the moment, so the days feel long and painful and filled with horrible useless thoughts. I just want my baby back. But that's the most useless thought of all. Sorry I don't have anything cheerful to say Grandy. Feeling right down in the dumps.