topic Trying my best. in Relationship and family issues

Trying my best.

Slippers — Wed, 25 Sep 2019 00:58:38 GMT

I bought an expensive present for my Mum and the family has shared the cost so the one present is from everyone. I told my immediate family by text message what I had done and as far as I was concerned everyone was happy and that was that. I also organised lunch for the whole family in a restaurant east enough for everyone to get to. I got a message from a family member asking what was going on, what are the details of the party. I was surprised since I had already given them out to everyone.

The family member responded that I didn’t care for them; I tried to tell that I loved them but I felt telling them by text message was so impersonal. This tangent surprised me; I thought we were talking about the family get together and gift. The family member and I have had a rocky relationship. I have made mistakes in the past but I had tried to make good. I feel that deep down they are holding onto the anger from what I did before and there is nothing I can say or do to fix it.

I was told that other family members meet up regularly and I was asked why I didn’t do this. I was going to respond by saying that “any relationship is a two way street” but this I feel would’ve have put gasoline on the bon fire

And it may seem impersonal that I speak about the person as a 3rd party, this is a survival mechanism in case they read this message on the forums. I feel like I am putting this on this forums to gauge responses and was there anything more I could do or could've done things better. I am trying to look after my mental health as well 🙂

Slippers

Trying my best.

Wazowski — Wed, 25 Sep 2019 01:13:43 GMT

Hi Slippers,

It sounds like a very nice plan for your mum has turned into quite a stressful experience. This family member has decided to take this opportunity to express how they are feeling about their relationship with you, which seems to have come out of the blue. It must be so disheartening to feel like you have done so much to mend the relationship, and the other person does not want to move on from their anger. Maybe this text message is a good opportunity for you both to address the issue and talk about it openly and honestly? As you mentioned, telling them in a text message how much you love them seems quite impersonal, but how do you feel about meeting with them in person to discuss it? Perhaps there are still some unresolved feelings that haven’t been discussed, and talking it through may enable you both to move forward?

I wish you all the best with it, and I hope that the dinner goes well.

Wazowski

Trying my best.

Slippers — Wed, 25 Sep 2019 01:26:25 GMT

Thank you for your quick and kind response. I am up for sitting down and discussing the situation but I fear the conversation would take the normal routine and become a slinging match of people telling everyone else what wrong with them. I have tried to make good, I am not perfect and mistakes are made.

I fear that too much damage has been done and too much time has gone by for a good conclusion. I will do my best and discuss this with everyone involved but I don't want a verbal fight at the restaurant we are going to.

Trying my best.

Wazowski — Wed, 25 Sep 2019 01:34:38 GMT

Hi Slippers,

I am sorry to hear that you don’t think there will be a good outcome for this. As you mentioned, nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. You can only do the best you can to mend the relationship, but it is up to the other person to forgive you and move on. I hope that you are both able to discuss the issue in a kind and caring way, and that they can see how much effort you are making.

I wish you all the best!