topic Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone. in Relationship and family issues

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:50:40 GMT

Hey guys,

Im not new to this I've been here a couple of times, i really am looking for ways to connect with others as I'm very lonely and upset at this point. Just for anyones information, i am 16 years old and i am diagnosed with high functioning autism, as you may know autism makes things like this a real big struggle and challenge. I just really want someone to notice how hard i try instead of focusing on thee thought that, "he's autistic he doesn't know how i feel." but i really want to know how people feel and develop a connection with them

I need help guys. If anyone is willing to help please feel free, id really appreciate it

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:55:56 GMT

Just to add, i understand this might not be the right section to post this but i don't have anywhere else to go or people to talk to.

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

smallwolf — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:03:50 GMT

Hi Ben,

welcome to beyond blue.

a friend of mine has a child with autism, and the child desperately wants to do things right, otherwise the world caves in. Probably different to your situation but this child also gets help to learn how to the function in everyday society. my knowledge outside is minimal outside of what I can read, but one thing I can do is listen, and one thing you can do is to educate me and others of the that which you might struggle with.

do you want to tell me a little of your story? And if I can help in any way...

Tim

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:15:14 GMT

Hello Tim, Thank you for your reply,

I would feel honoured that someone wants to listen to how my life is,

When i was in year 6, there was this girl i really liked, i was underdeveloped as a child and wasn't sure how to comprehend emotions until it just snapped in me one day about how i felt. i tried talking to this person pouring my heart and soul out to this person, and i just got a straight no, i knew this person well she just obviously didn't want to get to know me,

Ever since this Incident, every time i try to do the so called "flirting" method its just so tough for me and i cant seem to comprehend why. after researching about how my disability affects me i've come and stayed to the conclusion that i am hopeless and can never and ever will be able to read emotions or comprehend them thanks to the way i was born, with autism.

I have plenty more to tell you as long as you are interested but i believe this should be enough at the moment by giving an example and how it make me feel

Thanks for your reply, i hope this is enough at the moment to get some help

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

_trophyeyes — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:21:02 GMT

Hey Ben,

I think it's worth acknowledging that you reaching out and being open about how you're feeling in such a is a really wonderful thing and it shows that you're trying. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely and upset, I can hear that you want to be recognised for who you are as a person rather than the fact of living with autism. It's difficult when people treat you a certain way due to differences they don't understand and make assumptions about you, it's very isolating. We could get to know you better if you'd like to tell us a little more about yourself? 🙂

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:27:29 GMT

hi trophyeyes, thanks for the reply,

funny you posted at this time, i just posted a reply to another person giving an example of when i tried to make a connection and how it made me feel, if you want to know a bit about me, i always put others before myself, i care about others and very rarely think about myself, i really like making connections with others, i love video games from time to time and i love a bit of anime every now and then. now i understand that might make me look antisocial but i balance it out well.

Thanks for the reply, i hope this is enough information for now, i hope you are willing to continue this conversation as i'd really appreciate it.

Thanks,

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Juliet_84 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:41:54 GMT

Hi Ben 👋,

I just wanted to say welcome to the forums. If I was 20 years younger, you would be just the type I go for, caring and sensitive, and you seem able to express yourself well. I think the thing with pouring your heart out too soon with a person is that you don’t know that person yet and if they can be trusted with your heart and feelings. I always tend to hold back a little bit to protect myself and I’m sure that they’re interested. You can start slow, ask them out to the movies or lunch. If they’re interested, they’ll most likely say yes and if not, no harm done. Plenty of people with autism, or aspergers etc have a relationship. But like everyone, it just takes a bit of time to find the right person who understands you. But you show a lot of insight into how it may affect your interactions, and you also sound like a really positive upbeat guy to be around.

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

_trophyeyes — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:49:31 GMT

I think it's important to consider that our emotions and hormones are all over the place at that age, just as they are when you're a teenager and into early adulthood (but that's not to say you can't learn about them and about yourself throughout that time to have better awareness and more control!) I remember when I was in grade six I was such an anxious child I could barely speak to anyone outside my friend circle let alone tell someone I had a crush on them. It's pretty tricky to try and comprehend emotions at that age! It would have been upsetting for you to feel that rejection because it really sucks, but I want to remind you that experiences like that don't reflect how all of your experiences will be and it doesn't predict how all people (or girls) will treat you, though yes I know that's much easier said than it is done and to believe. What I do know for certain though is that you are not hopeless - whether you live with autism or not. Knowing how to regulate and communicate our emotions can be really overwhelming and hard for all of us at some points of our lives, and based off what you've said, caring about others and enjoying making connections with people are lovely traits that I think you should be proud of. However, you also deserve to care for yourself, even if it's in small ways. You're worthy of self care Ben!

What kind of video games do you like to play?

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:58:24 GMT

thanks for your reply this really helps,

i like fps games as it helps me focus and block out other distractions for a while to help calm me down

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 13:02:23 GMT

hey juliet,

Thanks for the reply, good to see that a woman is interested in how i feel i thank you for your advice, this really helps,

ill be keeping frequent updates and i hope you guys and girls stay for the journey as i would really appreciate it,

thanks

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

_trophyeyes — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 13:08:21 GMT

It's my pleasure 🙂

Video games can be a good outlet for distractions and for when you feel like zoning out just for a little while, I understand that. I am going to call it a night though as it's getting late, though it was nice meeting you and I think reaching out in a space like Beyond Blue is really fantastic of you, and I'm sure we'll chat again soon!

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Stumblingon — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 19:09:27 GMT

I think one of the challenges with autism is not picking up on body language. Sometimes people might be trying to show interest in you but if you’re not good at reading those signals you remain oblivious to their interest.

I think maybe taking the romance out of the equation and focusing on friendships in general might be helpful. Maybe finding social clubs or something where you can just meet other people who share your interests?

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Stumblingon — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 21:19:01 GMT

Just to clarify my last post, I don’t mean forget about romance I just mean if you go in with that as your focus it can put more pressure on the situation. If you start with friendship over shared interests it can allow people to get to know you and sew the seed for romance to develop.

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

CalmCat — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 23:03:45 GMT

Hi Ben,

Hope you're going well and the above responses have been of help.

I've had the same issues in my life, I listened to the eBook "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay, which you can listen for free on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C52g27WUr7M

If it's not for you I totally understand, as we're all unique little snow flakes. I hope it makes you smile.

Regards,

Doran

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 00:41:20 GMT

Hi stumblingon, thank you for your reply,

i completely understand what youre saying as its much easier for me to read something and comprehend it than to talk to someone head on and comprehend it correctly. i completely agree that friendships need to be developed before relationships and will take that into mind,

ill be posting regularly on here so ill be in touch if you are willing to continue chatting.

Thanks,

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 00:45:26 GMT

i totally agree that this is a place where you can express how you feel and not make eye contact which is something that i find very difficult to do when comprehending one's body language and emotions.

I really am glad that so many people are willing to help me and that makes me feel really welcomed.

Really appreciate all the replies i'll be keeping frequent updates to how i'm going.

Thank you all for your help!

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 00:55:51 GMT

hey doran, thank you for your reply,

i will definitely check this out really appreciate it,

ill be keeping frequent updates as to how im going, i really appreciate your help

thanks,

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

CalmCat — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 06:03:48 GMT

No need to thank me Ben. Find your strengths, define your values and your journey of life will take a path like no others.

Keep smiling and reach out when ever you wish.

Regards,

Doran

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Juliet_84 — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 13:09:11 GMT

Hi Ben,

I’m glad your found our responses helpful. You have such a great attitude, very positive and upbeat, it’s refreshing 🙂 I don’t know a whole lot about common struggles people with autism face (excuse my ignorance) but you mentioned that you find eye contact and talking difficult, that writing is a lot easier. Would a dating app be easier in that case do you think? You could talk to someone via message, and that may give you time to get to know someone and explain your situation before you meet up? I think Doz is right, life is about finding ways to play to your strengths.

Want to have a romantic connection with someone, just anyone.

Ben_L — Fri, 20 Sep 2019 00:38:20 GMT

Hey juliet,

I agree that maybe this is something i should try as it does give me time to build up a connection with someone, i think its better to progress slowly and learn about someones traits before meeting them in person, i understand what some people say might not necessarily be true, but i think this idea will help a lot,

Thanks,