topic Why do I feel worse? in Relationship and family issues

Why do I feel worse?

We_Can_Get_Through_It — Tue, 17 Sep 2019 09:51:12 GMT

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and I love him so much, he is caring and is very patient and I am so happy when I am around him. But when I'm not I'm super anxious and depressed and it's getting way worse, I feel like I'm acting very clingy towards him already and the feeling of loneliness is suffocating. I have no idea what to do, any ideas?

Why do I feel worse?

white knight — Tue, 17 Sep 2019 13:27:42 GMT

Hi, welcome

That's the result of falling in love.

I can suggest you can text each other more often especially funny stuff. But you just might need to plan some sort of future together earlier than normal..if he also wants to.

Not everyone has a long term dating desire before planning a future. Be yourself, express yourself.

TonyWK

Why do I feel worse?

Alana_H — Tue, 17 Sep 2019 23:20:06 GMT

Hi!

Those initial stages of a relationship can be very tricky, but it can also be very exciting and enjoyable. Like White knight said, don't be too hard on yourself, many people really throw themselves in to the relationships at the beginning.

What I'm also hearing though is that you are very concerned about your depression and anxiety getting worse, and also how this is affecting your new relationship and because of this I would definitely suggest getting extra support in your life.I'm wondering if you have spoken to a psychologist before? They can help you you understand where these feelings might be coming from and how you can feel more comfortable in your relationship. Do you think this could be something that you would be open to?

Alana_H

Why do I feel worse?

Wazowski — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 00:32:29 GMT

Hey there!

It’s great to hear that you are in a relationship with someone who makes you feel so happy and cared for. Falling in love is such a wonderful thing, but it can also bring up lots of other negative feelings we may not have been so aware of before. It sounds like you have a lot of self-awareness about what might be going on, as you mentioned that you are feeling lonely when you aren’t with him, which may be causing you to act clingy. Have you thought about discussing these feelings of anxiety and depression with him? I’m not sure how comfortable you feel about doing this, but maybe if he has more awareness about what you are going through, he may be able to provide more support for you.

I also liked Alana_H’s suggestion of possibly seeing a psychologist if you haven’t before. We all need support in our lives, and a psychologist may be able to help you with some of these overwhelming emotions you’ve been feeling lately. Whether or not this is an option, I do encourage you to engage in lots of self-care. This might be things like taking a long bath, listening to your favourite music, or calling a good friend. These are great things to do regularly, but even more so when you’re feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and loneliness.

Be kind to yourself, and enjoy this newfound love of yours.

Wazowski

Why do I feel worse?

JessF — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 02:34:06 GMT

Hello We Can Get Through It, I believe feelings of love can be very much like an addiction when they're new. We feel thrilled, excited, happy when we're with the person, and then when they're not, it's like withdrawal. We want those feelings again, and when they're absent we can feel a bit empty. Does this sound a little bit like your experience at the moment? With the clinginess, it's as if you're already worried that you might lose this happiness, so you're desperately trying to hold on to it so you don't have to experience those empty feelings when he is not around.

While it might seem scary to do so, you might like to try examining this feeling of suffocating loneliness a bit more. It sounds like one of the things you really value in your new relationship is being in the presence of someone who is very patient and caring. How might you, in your alone times, be more patient and caring towards yourself? One thing I've come to learn over a long time is that, while I have wonderful people in my life whom I love, I am also enough, and in being patient and caring toward myself, I am able to relax and be my best around other people.

It's good that you've noticed your own change in behaviour towards him, and how that might affect your new relationship. As TonyWK has said, try to just be yourself rather than the 'fearful you' that worries you may lose this new connection. Think of how you were a month ago when you first started dating: what was different then about your behaviour that you could try and tap into now to try and steady things?

You're welcome to come back whenever you're ready and talk through your feelings.