topic No family, no close friends or others in Relationship and family issues

No family, no close friends or others

blueraven — Sun, 05 Jul 2020 06:01:17 GMT

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't really have any other friends. I've tried getting closer to these friends but they have their own problems. I feel so alien, like there's no way I'll ever be able to have a close family-like group of friends or a partner, even though that's what I ultimately want. I put it off for many years because I was doing my own healing work, but each year that passes by the more alien and undeserving I feel. Now with covid also, it's getting very hard to meet others. I don't feel capable of working. I do have professional support, that's about it.

I was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat? No one close. Is it possible to live like this? If I died perhaps no one would even notice for days...

No family, no close friends or others

Sophie_M — Sun, 05 Jul 2020 06:10:05 GMT

Hi blueraven,

Thanks for reaching out this afternoon. We're so sorry to hear that you've been feeling so isolated. It can be very difficult to feel that you don't have a support network, and it can take some time to build one. Please know that you are valued here on the forums. It sounds like you are in a dark place at the moment, but please know that things can always improve and we will get through these difficult times together.

It might be helpful to join a support group to try and build a social network in your area. You can find information on support groups is available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

We understand that some things are more difficult during these times. If you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time.

Many of our members have felt similar and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. Please feel free to keep us updated on your journey here.

No family, no close friends or others

Guest909 — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 06:30:47 GMT

Sorry about the late response; I meant to respond to your post earlier and then just forgot about it. The story of my life.

In many respects I am much like you. I tend to stand in the background largely unnoticed. I find it hard to meet new people but I make the effort. Luckily, I have family to fall back on if I need help.

From what you have shared your family background seems less than supportive. I'm guessing that has left you with a bunch of problems that most people don't understand.

Are you working? Do you have any interests; online gaming, cards, sport, music, bush walking, surfing etc. By way of some practical assistance, there is a web page called "meetup" that will connect you with people in your area that share similar interests. It might be worth a look. Just google "meetup Australia".

As to your question, you are not alone; others are in the same boat.

Let me know how you go.

No family, no close friends or others

golden82 — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 08:19:42 GMT

Hi BlueRaven & Guest909,

I am also sorry for a late reply - I only just came across your post now. I am sorry to read of your experience - I relate completely - it is almost like I wrote the post myself. So please know that as Mr Paul said - you are not alone, there are others in the same situation. Although it doesn't change your situation - hopefully it gives you some comfort to know that you are not the only one...

my 'family' are so cruel that I have been left to spend Christmas and my birthday alone for over 5yrs now. It is heartbreaking for me - and I turn it inwards and think there is something wrong (or as you say alien) with me. This seems a very common reaction we blame ourselves or think we are the problem. But, with supports such as this site and the people that post on here - just keep reminding yourself no, you are not the problem - and of your worth and finding your own 'tribe' who align with your values and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I believe it is better to be alone than with toxic people who bring you down.

Think of all the skills you have from this - learning about yourself, resilience (I hate this one - people say it to me all the time) but yeah, the ability to be alone. I am the same - if I died in my flat - no-one would notice until the smell. It is a depressing thought - so try not to think these thoughts. Try and keep your mind in the positive about yourself. I have been in hospital many times and the nurses tell me you have to be your own best friend! It is hard to do (I am not there), but I believe it is true. Take care 🙂

No family, no close friends or others

Guest909 — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 08:42:55 GMT

Hi Golden82

Well said.

I'm sorry to hear about you family experience. When all else fails, when life kicks you to the ground, family are supposed to be there for you.

You mentioned being in hospital many times, is that something you would like to talk about? Tell me to but out if you like; I will take the hint.

Cheers

Guest909

No family, no close friends or others

Confusedmum74 — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 06:34:09 GMT

Hi blueraven,

I totally get where you are coming from. I have found that keeping busy helps me while it’s not so good for my house (to many hobbies) it’s been good for my mind. Finding friends is very hard and those without any issues even harder. This is a good place to chat and get to know people so don’t be afraid to reach out.

No family, no close friends or others

blueraven — Fri, 10 Jul 2020 07:36:58 GMT

Thank you golden83 guest909 and others for responding. It means a lot actually to know there are others out there struggling with the same. I understand what it's like to have an unsupportive family. Just so painful, so little that I want to do while being alone... 😞

No family, no close friends or others

Bodey294 — Thu, 23 Jul 2020 14:00:53 GMT

Hello blueraven,
I can’t help but relate a lot to the situation and feelings you are experiencing. For example, feeling lonely and not having a strong family and friendship network. These types of relationships takes to years to build and makes it terrifyingly difficult to find and create a new one when starting from scratch. Even more so when dealing with a mental illness.
I believe being isolated and lonely for a very long time can constrict a persons thinking (sort of like tunnel vision). It can make a person forget the feeling of self acceptance for just being you and the deserving of receiving love from others including from yourself.
I have experienced this in my personal life. For example, I found that dealing with chronic loneliness lead to a creeping unconscious belief that I had no value as a human and felt unaccepted for me, as a potential friend or as partner.
But right now I am learning new ways to love myself and hope to learn how to receive love from others. Examples of self love for me include taking care of my sleep (stretches before bed increase muscle relaxation and usually help me fall asleep quicker) and getting some exercise out doors so I try to go for a jog a few times a week. I am starting to feel valued and accepted by myself and gradually learning how to receive love from others too. I did not learn this from a young age when a typical child is supposed to. No one taught me how and I could not teach myself. I already had barriers in the way like my cognitive delay and my well meaning mother doing everything for me.
An example of receiving love from others include me and my sister going on more walks in the morning and we talk more honestly with each other. I also have re ignited and strengthened two old friendships and we talk more frequently over the phone. I wish to maintain and commit to these loving friendships into the far future.
I am grateful I still have good relationships with my family despite being quite separated physically.
Despite these efforts I still live alone and COVID19 is making it so difficult to cope. I hope to find a partner that I learn to receive love from and commit to and vice versa.
Sorry for the essay. This was like a rant about my experience when it comes to loneliness, friendship and family and I just felt compelled to write this as I relate to what you said in your post and it also feels very cathartic for me to write this and provides me with clarity on my own thoughts.

No family, no close friends or others

Alone8888 — Wed, 03 Nov 2021 12:43:46 GMT

Blueraven, I have been alone my whole life. It's very sad and tiring. Been through abused, used etc. I was manipulated not to have kids coz i had to provide financially overseas. So i was scammed for 14 years of my fertile age. Depression worsen & became suicidal again when i learnt i have been scammed so that's another 10 years trying to cope. I do wish for the sadness & anxiety to end but i don't know when that would be.

No family, no close friends or others

Sophie_M — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 02:51:58 GMT

Hi Alone8888,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing here. We hope you find some comfort in sharing here, and in hearing from the lovely community members, many of whom will be able to relate to what you’ve been through.

It can sometimes take people a while to reply when a thread is a few months old, so we want you to know you’d be very welcome if you wanted to start a thread of your own on the forums. There’s a bit of info on how you can do that here.

If you ever want to talk this through with one of the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors, feel free to give us a call on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach them through Online Chat here (11am-12am AEDT).

Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

No family, no close friends or others

Juliet_84 — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 11:15:30 GMT

Hi blueraven,

Firstly I just wanted to say that I love the name you’ve chosen and the photo, it’s so beautiful. Your post really resonated with me. I grew up with an abusive/toxic parent, and then was in an abusive relationship for many years. Otherwise I have gone through life not connecting with people or perhaps being scared of letting my guard down and connecting with people because they invariably hurt me or let me down. I am now in a relationship with someone who I thought was my best friend, who I finally was able to let my guard down with, we really get on and have bought a house together and moved away. But it turns out that he’s an alcoholic so that seems doomed as well. I have a sister who I love dearly but she lives hours away and has her own life. Everyone has their own life, but I just seemed destined for unhappiness. But I am trying to turn my luck around. I play sport a few times a week to try and meet people and have met some friends on an app. So I am not giving up just yet.

No family, no close friends or others

Hanna3 — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 11:50:11 GMT

Hi all,

There are such lovely sounding people on this thread!

My home life growing up was abusive and my two older brothers and I are estranged. I'm so sad about that it's beyond words.

I'm not married and no children. I think the abuse we grew up with wrecked our chances of having good relationships. My eldest brother is married but I haven't seen him or his daughters - my nieces - in about 20 years. My other brother is single and I don't know where he lives.

I've tried reaching out over and over but it's no good as they don't want to keep in touch at all.

I concentrate on trying to keep a couple of good friends now. But I do worry about getting old alone as I'm not young any more! It's tough.

I just wonder why so many lovely sounding people like the ones posting here are in this situation. It makes no sense...

I'm so glad we can share our experiences here.

Heck we all sound like decent people who deserve better!

Hugs all round to everyone!

🙂🐕💐💞🌻🌿💗

Re: No family, no close friends or others

Starface — Fri, 24 Mar 2023 10:42:45 GMT

This is very similar to my situation. Due to severe abuse, and neglect in childhood, I have not seen my parents for more than 15 years now. I haven't seen any relative of mine for 3 years. I have had what I imagined were good friends in the past, but they never really liked me. I always put in a lot of effort into those friendships, I did heaps of babysitting and other favors for them. But I eventually came to realize that the existence of those friendships depended on mostly upon me. I honestly don't really believe that I could have a close relationship with anyone. I feel that a lot of people find the basic realities of my life difficult to hear, so they find it emotionally taxing to be around me. And I don't work, which I suppose further isolates me. I'm in my thirties. On the positive side, I live in a place where I feel some sense of connection. I live in a university college. Most of the people who live here are much younger than me, but I have some friends amongst them. I have lived here for a year now. And I attend a weekly meditation group in town, and I feel some sense of connectedness there. And I have some other enjoyable things in my life that I can be grateful for, like my studies, and bushwalks. And I like singing.

Re: No family, no close friends or others

Lostinspace1960 — Sun, 24 Dec 2023 06:21:48 GMT

Blueraven, I know your pain. I am an older man , never married ,always been single. Too ugly for Australian women. Physically, financially, emotionally, intellectually, Never ever good enough. No family , no friends .

Always alienated at work. Never included in sports or social activities, always feeling the odd one out. We try hard to be considerate of others yet feel mistreated by the others. Always moving around to try to find a place in the world. We excell at various activities only to be left out because we are too good. But if you don't achieve you are a loser. Sound familiar?.

I have no idea what it feels like to be the love interest of another. I have tried many avenues of interaction only to be disappointed by shallow people.

My health has deteriorated recently and had to move for medical services, only to be more isolated than ever.

I know where you are coming from, I can only say don't give up.

Stay in this world if only for yourself.

It is a struggle each day to validate existence, only to see the next day. Yes, who will miss us if we are not here.

No one. So be here for you.

I don't see anyone in my future, we are here for a very short time.

My poor old mother one day said, I don't want to be here anymore. I showed her the obituary column. She asked why. I said because those that are gone will swap places in a flash for all your woes and ills. I can only say again, I know your angst and fears, keep going no matter how bad. You must feel strong ebb and flow of emotions, not sure what is coming next.

I hope you can hold onto your own heart and keep going.

Lostinspace1960

Re: No family, no close friends or others

Earth Girl — Wed, 27 Dec 2023 20:12:50 GMT

Hi blueraven,

I can relate. My family situation isn't as bad as yours is, but my parents and I barely talk to each other and I don't like the way they treat me behind closed doors. They also bullied me a lot growing up and they don't care all too much about my problems such as bullying. We don't really have much of a relationship. I have had friends, but I wasn't close with any of them and a lot of them were more like bullies than friends. My younger sister has been shutting me out for several years as well. I relied a lot on my psychologist because she was pretty much all I had other than forums.

When it comes to the friends you have who you want to get closer to, maybe you could ask them if there is anything you can do to help them with their problems because that might help with the friendship. It will be harder on you because you're already going through a lot, but I think it will be worth it in the long run and your friends would probably really appreciate it. Don't give up on trying to make strong, close, healthy relationships because I'm sure it will happen when the time is right and it will be worth it. I still haven't given up on trying to make these types of friendships.

I use to feel so alone in feeling alone, but I found out a lot of people are actually in the same situation of not having any close friends and not being close at all with their family so that made me feel a bit better knowing that there's a lot of other people in the same boat. It is still hard though.

Also, you need to remember that just because you don't have any close friends and your family is toxic, it doesn't mean you are undeserving of love and new relationships. My sister told me that a lot of people who are really mean have a lot of friends lol so you can't put your worth on how many good relationships you have.

Re: No family, no close friends or others

Guest_71114457 — Sun, 27 Oct 2024 06:38:45 GMT

Hi blueraven, I am in a similar situation feeling very desolate and wondering what's the point when all my family are estranged and I struggle to form close relationships. Totally relate 🩵💜