topic Should I Be Concerned?? in Relationship and family issues

Should I Be Concerned??

Bee1998 — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 08:18:59 GMT

My boyfriend has been showering every morning before work (this has been a new thing for the past few months), as well as cutting his nails before work, shaving , and putting cologne on (which he never does for me on the weekends or any other time we’re together). Am I over reacting, or are my suspicions reasonable??? I feel like he is putting all of this effort to look and smell good for work, because he is seeing someone at work/trying to impress someone/having an affair. I have brought this up with him, and he just says that it’s nothing.

Should I Be Concerned??

Matchy69 — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 08:31:46 GMT

Hi bee you have every right to be concerned.A change of habbit can be a sign of something going on,maby it is nothing.I am a man and if i am meeting a girl i would shower and make my self smell nice.It is hard to know as you have confronted him and has said nothing is going on.Is their any other indications that their could be such as coming home late,Texting someone not telling you who.Trust is a big thing in a relationship,without it you do not have one.

Take care,

Mark.

Should I Be Concerned??

Guest_3256 — Fri, 21 Feb 2020 02:47:18 GMT

Hello Bee1998.
Great to hear that you are reaching out for advise.
It sounds like your partner is looking after himself a lot better then he was before.
Suspicion can be a dreadful and overwhelming feeling.
Why not try doing the same thing back at him and see how he reacts to you?
Good luck 🙂

Should I Be Concerned??

Bee1998 — Fri, 28 Feb 2020 06:54:39 GMT

Hi Jsua,

The thing is, if I did the same thing as he is doing, he wouldn’t give a crap or even notice. Besides, he knows I’m 100% trustworthy, and so do I. So it’s a tricky situation.

Should I Be Concerned??

Guest_3256 — Fri, 28 Feb 2020 08:24:12 GMT

Bee1998.

How are you. Have you asked him why he is doing this or what his motives are behind the sudden change in situation?

Should I Be Concerned??

Guest_3256 — Fri, 28 Feb 2020 08:30:59 GMT

Hey Bee1998.

Try not to stress out about his sudden change as you can become in a vicious cycle of worries and thoughts.

If you feel that you have become suspicious of his motivations, just remember, unless you have evidence of him, there's nothing to stress over.

The other thing I can share with you is not to let him know that you are suspicious as this can make the situation messy between both of you.

Just look after yourself, have fun with each other, defiantly talk about your feelings with him if you feel it is causing you some difficulties.

Keep us informed on how you're going.

You two have a good weekend.

Jsua 🙂

Should I Be Concerned??

blondguy — Fri, 28 Feb 2020 10:41:35 GMT

Hi Bee

you have made a good point in your opening post and its a tough one...due to the speculation required...yet as Matchy mentioned its interesting that he has broken his usual routine by using cologne etc..

If your BF was 'working late' or changing the amount of time he spends with you it could be a red flag...

just my humble opinion...(thankyou for the support you have been providing on other threads too Bee!)

Paul

Should I Be Concerned??

Bee1998 — Sun, 01 Mar 2020 00:07:03 GMT

Hi Jsua,

im okay, thank you. I have asked him why, and we went to a couples counselling session together to address it, and he said that it is just his normal routine. He agreed with me that when you put all of the small things together, it looks bad, but he confirmed that he isn’t doing it for work or to impress anyone at work. But I still feel otherwise....

Should I Be Concerned??

Bee1998 — Sun, 01 Mar 2020 00:09:54 GMT

Hi Paul,

thank you for your response.

He actually has started to work more lately , even on a Sunday. Also, I don’t know if you’ve read my post about the girl at his work, but she ended up texting him again after months of not , and when he told me she texted him, he smirked and laughed at me when he told me. So now I’m even more suspicious of that situation.

Thank you for your great advice.

Brigutte

Should I Be Concerned??

Guest_3256 — Mon, 02 Mar 2020 01:20:19 GMT

hi Bee1998.

Good to hear that you both spoke with a couples councilor. About the text from the girl at his work and him smirking and laughing about it - he could just be getting a bit of a reaction out of you. Have their text messages been inappropriate and have you told him how you feel and what he can do to reduce the stress and suspicion? Everyone gets suspicious in relationships, it's absolutely normal to want to know what your partner is up too. My boyfriend is always asking where I've been, then I laugh at him and it makes him more suspicious. I joke about strapping a GoPro to my head so he knows my where-a-bouts. LOL.

🙂

Should I Be Concerned??

Bee1998 — Sat, 07 Mar 2020 09:56:44 GMT

Hi Jsua,

it turns out my suspicions were right all along. I caught my partner with the co-worker I was paranoid about last night.

Devastated 😞

Should I Be Concerned??

Matchy69 — Sat, 07 Mar 2020 11:07:58 GMT

Hi Bee i am sorry that you found him with his co worker.I can understand how you are devastated.It is one of the worst feelings ever even when you think it is true and then to find it out to be true is just heart breaking for you.Its ok to have a cry and to be angry.You have had your trust broken and you wil need some time to come to terms with this.

Take care,

Mark.

Should I Be Concerned??

Bee1998 — Sun, 08 Mar 2020 01:14:58 GMT

Thank you Mark

Should I Be Concerned??

Guest_3256 — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 08:38:32 GMT

Hey Bee1998.

Wow! Can I ask what happened and I hope you are seeking support?

Should I Be Concerned??

Just_a_guy_at_a_loss — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 13:04:20 GMT

I'm very sorry to hear this Bee1998.

I've just joined the forums as I'm having some issues myself but coming across your thread I just wanted to express my empathy. I've had experiences not exactly the same but devastating none the less. I also hope you are seeking support and I very much appreciate your post on being an honest person and not trying to do it back to him before you found out.

My sincere best wishes.