topic How can I get my happy Mum back? in Relationship and family issues

How can I get my happy Mum back?

PlainJane01 — Fri, 22 May 2020 14:52:31 GMT

The last 6 months has been so rough for my Mum. Dad had a heart attack, his mother passed away leaving us to run into toxic family members who bullied my mother.

Since corona she has only had 3 shifts at her place of work. She feels awful and as if she can’t ‘provide for her family like a mother should’.

I try to help but I struggle with my own depression and feel like I don’t have my Mum there to help me, as I don’t want to burden her with my problems.

She says since Dad had the heart attack she feels like ‘things will never be good again’. It breaks my heart.

I need my happy Mum back.

I would appreciate there any Mothers or people in a similar situation that could give me advice.

How can I get my happy Mum back?

Sophie_M — Fri, 22 May 2020 15:10:50 GMT

Hi PlainJane01,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. Thanks for reaching out tonight, it takes a lot of courage to be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings. We are sorry to hear that things are overwhelming at the moment, and can hear how much you want to support mum. Please know that our community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We hope that you keep checking back in with us and let us know how you're going.

How can I get my happy Mum back?

geoff — Fri, 22 May 2020 19:29:35 GMT

Hello PlainJane, and a warm welcome to the forums.

How sorry we are to know that your dad suffered a heart attack, it's frightening to know the consequences of how this can change the situation, circumstances that may need to be changed.

Before this happened the family may have relied on both parens making decisions, now your mum feels as though she has to do this and refrain from disturbing your dad while he recovers.

She maybe entitled to some Centrelink payments due to the current situation and suggest she either looks online and establish a 'MyGov', a place where she can log on and communicate with them.

Your mum can only do the best she can and I'm sure that's what she is doing, but can I suggest that she seeks the help from her doctor, perhaps just as you do yourself, only because the situation has been altered.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

How can I get my happy Mum back?

therising — Fri, 22 May 2020 21:47:49 GMT

Hi PlainJane01

My heart goes out to you as you face the challenges of loving both your self and your mum back to life.

I'm Mum to a 14yo boy and 17yo gal and a significant part of our relationship involves raising each other. For us, it's about raising each other's spirits and consciousness, especially when one of us faces significant challenges. We tend to work as a team. I am open with my kids about my struggle through depression in an earlier part of my life, therefor they understand why I'm so big on management strategies that go toward keeping us on track with mental well being. This leads me to wonder whether you and your mum would be interested in beginning a project to help raise each other.

It might pay for you to do a bit of research on depression. Understanding how the chemistry can work (or not be working) can help with the management. The mind/body (thought and chemistry) connection is highly significant. Another factor in depression can involve a lack of energy. Strange as it may sound, thoughts can be physically fatiguing, especially as they begin to chronically fatigue our nervous system and other systems in our body. If your mum feels run down, put down (by your dad's insane family members), kept down (by the thought 'Things will never get better'), it makes sense as to why she would be feeling so incredibly down. This is natural. What is also natural is for us to be raised out of 'down'. The goal is to identify those who raise us. Finding those who can help raise us through challenges and to constructive challenges is key from my experience. Example: Your mum might still be feeling challenged by her in-laws and the self doubt they place in her mind. Your challenge might be to convince her of how dysfunctional they are. You could suggest you know for a fact they're dysfunctional because of how they treat a naturally beautiful thoughtful woman (your mum). Who treats such a woman in this way?! Crazy people. You can challenge her to observe and question their craziness as opposed to believing in it.

Raise your mum to freely vent. Nothing wrong with crying. Raise her to believe 'You don't want to be keeping your dis-ease (unease) inside you. Vent, to make room for constructive thoughts'. One of my mantras: I let go of what my mind and body do not need. I invite what they do need. Trust your intuition when a positive idea comes to mind. I know, easier said than done.

Take care. You're a beautiful thoughtful daughter. Your mum is blessed 🙂

How can I get my happy Mum back?

PlainJane01 — Fri, 22 May 2020 22:28:39 GMT

Thank you so much!

It’s great to hear from another Mother’s perspective.

Your strategy of raising each other us is grand.

I shall begin practicing it today 🙂

How can I get my happy Mum back?

Skye79 — Sun, 28 Jun 2020 07:11:43 GMT

Thanks for sharing, this is my first time replying to someone, your post reached my heart as I’m a mum of 3 teens and I struggle with depression for a long time. And I know at times I stress about the pressure on my kids but I try to remind them I love them and when they come and just give me a hug and say they love me, I know that helps me. Im sorry to hear about your dad
A few weeks ago my daughter who struggles with anxiety she wrote my husband and I a beautiful letter and left it in my draw to find, I will always keep that letter sometimes we find it hard to say things face to face.
hang in there you sound like a beautiful caring daughter