topic Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ? in Relationship and family issues

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Tue, 18 Jun 2019 14:40:55 GMT

As a few know from my other thread l met someone new about 10mths ago and again thanks so much for the help and thoughts back in that thread too it really helped . Unfortunately we have a could be a pretty big problem and l just dunno what to do about it or how to look at it.

You see she moved over to oz with her hubby 6yrs ago but they split up 2yrs later and divorced . he changed and got violent, nother story. Anyway they'd done visas and we're all set and approved but 3mths ago she got a new letter from immigration and they're reviewing their visas because they got divorced. better not go into details here but the whole thing is now the lawyer can't say whether they'll still approve her original visa or if she'll have to go for a whole new visa if the decide now something wasn't right .

Her and her h paid 14,000 for their applications 7k each , the most ridiculously dearest visa in the whole damn world that l can find by almost triple and ridiculously hard , most other countries in fact are only 3 and 400 dollars or euro . Well they were approved and basically just waiting on the official stamp so to speak and that was it.Butttt, so if she does have to reapply guess what , they don't refund the first 7k, she's gotta pay another 7k. as if the first wasn't enough, what a scam..

Anyway , l know how it might sound but nope it's all 100% legit l've seen all the original stuff from her and her ex 6mths ago because she was going through it all and showed me and l've seen the new letter even went with her to the lawyer and heard the whole story directly from him too.

l dunno wth to do . l mean we have a beautiful relationship l'd think marriage later for sure if it kept on like this but atm it's only been 10 mths and if it was any other country l couldn't care less about 3 or 400 bucks. But if it does come to that then we'd have to find about 8k all up l don't have it ex and me habe forked out a fortune on d's school this year and braces , she doesn't have near enough , l just dunno. And whatever we are , we just haven't been together long enough for me to tryst the whole sitch anyway yet.

Now l'm scared to let things go on with us right now because if worst happens there's nothing we can do, she'll probably have to leave the country and we bth end up broken hearted . The lawyer says she could know in a month or 18mths no way to tell.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Croix — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 08:29:35 GMT

Dear Randomx~

I'm sorry to hear of your predicament and I'm afraid I don't see an easy option.

You say yourself at this stage you are not ready to form a permanent realtionship, although that might be on the cards later. That fact alone would make me pause, even if I had that sort of money. You have other commitments in any case on your family.

If you look on the bright side the original via may be granted and you can explore your relationship further at your leisure. If it is not that is a bridge that may need to be crossed in the future, provided things remain the same. There are two of you to face the problem, not just you alone.

Waiting is horrible, unfortunately I can't see anything else to do at this stage.

Croix

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

blondguy — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 09:18:53 GMT

Hi RX

always a bonus to have you on the forums

Croix is spot on above when he mentioned 'that the visa may still be granted' RX...Croix has made a solid point

In reality like you mentioned its only been 10 months.....With all respect to your blossoming relationship it may be a bit early to be thinking about heavy duty financial commitment without some longevity where the relationship is concerned

I understand that n means a lot to you RX and I am happy for you both. You still have a lot to deal with after your separation and your daughters' shared responsibilities with your ex...as you mentioned

Unfortunately albeit damn frustrating....waiting for the decision is your best move at this time as haste makes waste...... There is really nothing you can do until the decision is made.

Please be gentle to yourself during this time.....You deserve it!

my kindest thoughts always RX

Paul

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 10:29:05 GMT

Thanks very much croix and paul .

But yeah that's the thing , l wouldn't go there with anyone at this stage after only 10 or 12 mths l mean it's just not long enough. And l don't wanna be backed into a corner and a forced partner visa or something either let alone the money, especially not any time soon. l guess if it was 18mths from now and bad news but we were all good we'd do what we could for sure , but it could be also only 2 or 3 mths

She has a son and his new wife here , that's why her and the ex came over too later. She says he'd pay whatever balance she needed for the new visa if it came to that, he's on pretty good money , but l'd feel really weird about it , l dunno if l'm just being silly. he is her son. And pauls spot on and l've said to gf my d has to come first for me , and my own financial situation , l've got a new mortgage and all , self employed which is always up and down.

l just don't know whether to risk keep going either. l have been very very hold back on feelings and guarding myself tbh so far just because it hasn't been long yet , but now we find out this visa stuff. ln a way l've even thought of ok , we stop everything here until we know about the visa and if we're still interested then we can pick up again. self preservation l suppose, or selfish, not sure which, maybe some crazy thrown in passing up all that life together while waiting.

Sorry l'm probably going in circles here.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 10:42:09 GMT

l dunno , divorce, then ex gf , truth is it's on the cards right now has been for mths , l'm just trying so damn hard not to eff up again truth be known.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

blondguy — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 11:45:15 GMT

Hey RX

You are a very decent guy that is taking great care not to re-engage any possible future relationship problems which is fair enough.

You mentioned "l have been very very hold back on feelings and guarding myself tbh so far just because it hasn't been long yet" RX.....what you mentioned says everything.

Discussing your heartfelt feelings for your GF is something I cant do which you know.

What I can do is try to support you only as per my own life experience if thats okay

Are there any Red flags?.....yep....
Are you willing to spend your life with your GF? and become involved financially?.....Thats the hard one RX
How would you feel if the the visa was granted?.....seriously
The lawyer mentioned anywhere from a month to 18 months.....are you okay with that?

RX....these are only some of the questions/thoughts that would occur to me if I was in your situation. I have mentioned these from my own point of view with all respect to your gf of course

dont torture yourself on this RX...go easy....

take care of you first....all other considerations are secondary

kindest always

Paul

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 13:09:25 GMT

Thanks a lot for that mate , always fantastic to hear your thoughts .

Yeah she's got a few flags for sure , haven't we all, not to mention the damn visa now. But l'm as sure as l could ever be at this stage she's a great girl and partner she's shown that 100 times already.

And yeah most def' we talk many times about life together and l think it myself many times too about us and her us too. BUt l don't know how to put it but l'm also been in very cautious mode at the same time too, yaknow . And we haven't spent this whole time together she's has to go home, sydney, for a few weeks every month or so too atm so that's also helped me rein thinks back a notch and keep perspective. She's been up home 3wks this time and it'll be another 2 at least yet. her sons wifes sick and needs help with the baby.

Ahh man , if the visa was granted it'd be fantastic .

And yeah , l ask myself all that too so l'm pretty well answering myself there and lots of other stuff. We've been mostly just brilliant though tbh and one weird thing is we just seem to find this knack of just cruising in and out over any issues it's really bizarre , l'm always thinking hello this is gonna cause some serious stuff but we just float straight over it it's quite bizarre, nice too.

But anyway yep and thanks mate, l'm trying.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

quirkywords — Fri, 21 Jun 2019 22:54:16 GMT

Randomx,

Just wanted to say hello and that I had no idea Visa could be so expensive.

It is good she has a lawyer but is there any chance of getting a second opinion.

I can see you are thinking through your thoughts. It must be so hard waiting.

You are always honest with your posts.

Have you talked with her how she feels about the situation?

Quirky

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Sat, 22 Jun 2019 23:52:00 GMT

Hiya quirk and thanks for the thoughts.

Yeah she's had a few opinions and l'm trying to get something independent too. l hate making phone calls on anything so heavy though, and they all want some money first, so admittedly l've been stalling. Yeah we talk about it all all the time, as you could imagine it's a major stress now that doesn't just go away.

Gday Geoff , always great to hear from ya mate. Yeah l agree about any visa stuff normally , heard a lot of horror stories over the years. lf it had been visa problems when we met l would've ran for the hills though , the difference and what makes this so awkward and hard to just know anything with is though, that we'd known each other 6mths before this happened.When we met there was no visa problems, she'd been approved years ago, saw all the paper it's all 100% legit.So we were just a normal couple starting out and going really well. But yeah , then this came along 6mths later . As l say l've seem the letters and went with her to the lawyers the whole shebang , all 100% legit.

But yeah , even so , if it comes to a re apply , l know , that's how l feel too so l just dunno. For me yeah we've been great it's all l could ever want, even much more and l gotta restress too there was no visa thing through all that.

But still it hasn't been long , if it was18mths, 2yrs, 3, and then this happened , we'd know more of what we really were by then , but yeah the fact it's well, nearer 12mths now since we met we worked out last night we've spent a touch over 5mths together in person out of that now so yeah , it ain't long.

So that's one of my two worries , the other is the bloody 7k, plus one for legals. Even if her son did pay some and she can save more, there'll still be a very decent chunk up short. Not only but you have to fill out forms, lots of them , it'd have to be a partner visa and they wanna know "everything", all your finances and work and everything else too, it's a monster form.

Mind you , it might not even come to that, the lawyer reckons 50 50. and it could take another 12-18mths to even find out. And by then under normal circumstances we'd know where we were at with each other that'd make it 2 and 1/2 years, except 2/3 of that would've been possibly in need of a new visa, so as ya say , it's still hard to trust under those circumstances.

l just don't bloody know.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Sun, 23 Jun 2019 00:07:12 GMT

l've been 100% honest about everything with her and that l'm not comfortable with doing any visa thing if it comes to that , any time soon, and especially that kinda money which l fon't have anyway.

She says if it comes to that we'll find another way..

l dunno, that'll be easier said than done though.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

geoff — Sun, 23 Jun 2019 18:22:57 GMT

Hi RX, and many thanks for getting back to us.

What I'm having trouble with trying to understand is if the visa cost $7k then why would anybody want to come here to Australia, and the other concern is that you've only been together for 5 months.

We care for you RX and there are definitely red flags waving here, and if the $7k is paid, that doesn't mean she is going to stay with you and then move on.

I know of 2 people who have been fleeced by their sons, one for $3500 and the other for $10,000, their life savings so please RX don't be persuaded into helping out or being fleeced.

Sorry RX, I mean no harm, I just want to protect you.

Geoff.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Mon, 24 Jun 2019 08:36:00 GMT

Thanks for that geoff and nah , l don't want that either ya can believe me on that one.

But yep, 7k, good old Australia eh. l've wondered the same , why on earth would anyone even come here having to pay that kind of ridiculous amount , and it's one of the most expensive countries in the world in living and housing too so l'm at a loss as to how people even get started later let alone just coming up with visa money.

Do you know that that is actually one of our cheapest Australian visa's , they get far far worse. You know a parent visa so say for a parent that wants to move over for their children already living here. Is something like, you sitting down , 55,000 dollars, yep google them.kf she does get declined as l say to re apply , she has to pay yet another 7k, so 14 all up , plus legals.

lf you live in Europe , you don't even need a visa to live in any other European country, nothing. So l can not even imagine why or how anyone would even move here.

Anyway, thanks for that mate.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

geoff — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 16:54:32 GMT

Hi RX, I'm still here and please keep us informed as to how you are going.

Geoff.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 26 Jun 2019 13:03:35 GMT

Thanks very much for that Geoff , and to everyone else to btw while l'm at it.

But ahh mate nothing will be happening for god knows when or how long, could be 2 mths or 18, could string out 3yrs got told yesterday. My thing is though just what to do with US.

We've lived a lotta life in just the time we've been together, we've even been over renovating my cabin property together last 3wks before we left for back home again this time, She helps out at work , does lots round the house , and then there's just the us and 100s of beautiful personal times.

l mean we could be absolutely full on , life, us, the works. but l'm holding back so much especially feelings , guarding , just not being able to trust the future with her visa crap hanging over,.

l kinda think l have to get out now if l can't deal with all that in case it does happen, like we can't start life or risk it because it could be taken away in one letter,. feels like Russian roulette .

l dunno wth to do.

let it go on and hope for the best , or try walking away , wth.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

blondguy — Thu, 27 Jun 2019 11:23:39 GMT

Hey RX

Ive been thinking about what you are going through with the usual conflicting thoughts that we all have sometimes. It took me a long time to understand advice that I was given when I was young.....and like yourself I was worried whether or not I was doing the 'right' thing

This is difficult as there are 'financials' involved which can make any relationship lose focus.

Any relationship requires serious time to develop true Love and mutual TLC

As per my own life experience, I think its too early for dollars to be involved

Thats the best advice I can provide at this time

Hope you are doing okay RX

my kindest always

Paul

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Fri, 28 Jun 2019 23:20:23 GMT

Hi paul and thanks as always for the thoughts.

Yep l fully agree that's unfortunately the dilemma . lt is way too early for any of that and to have to think about something as heavy as "maybe" visa's and stuff , crikey. lf l'm gonna be re'involved at this stage God almighty l just wanna live us for a year or two and enjoy, see what we're about and how things go. lt's all wrong having to ask myself and think about things like this so early into it l know .

She actually agrees to and always says look just try not to worry or think about it lets just enjoy and if that happens later it happens we'll deal with it then. And l love the attitude too but unfortunately l just have trouble with just letting things go full steam ahead when l feel like there could be a bloody big hammer dropping down on us at any time.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

geoff — Sat, 29 Jun 2019 01:35:11 GMT

Hi RX, always good to hear back from you and I want to thank Paul for his comments only because I was also involved in a difficult situation when I was going out with then finance, now ex, unfortunately, because we decided to buy a block of land at a sort out in demand area at the beach, overlooking the bay before anyone knew, as we had to keep it a secret for different reasons.

Let your heart tell you what you need to do.

My very best.

Geoff.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Sat, 29 Jun 2019 13:56:27 GMT

Thanks a million geoff.

Yaknow , even if l was to look back over life, which would do my head in anyway so l better not but , l do still often wonder about head and heart, so often seems ones is fighting with the other in life one way or another , or is that just me haha.

But funny, often these days l think the heart is what really matters in life, l dunno.

All the best/ rx

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

geoff — Sat, 29 Jun 2019 17:23:07 GMT

Hi RX, I think you make a good point, as usual, when our head and heart match each other then there's no problem, but when one is chasing or trying to work out why it's happening then there could be some confusion or lack of understanding.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?

Guest_1584 — Mon, 01 Jul 2019 12:41:29 GMT

Hey geoff, and thanks mate.

And hmmm, when they match each other ya reckon , think you might of hit the nail on the head with that one so thanks again.'

All the best. rx