topic Unable to stop crying in Relationship and family issues

Unable to stop crying

Jhc — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 03:32:31 GMT

Hi, my partner of two years who I love so much has broken up with me this week. Two months ago, out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy. We met in another State to where I live. When we met it was like a film, romantic and perfect. After calling and messaging each other for months he then drove from one side of the country to the other to move in with me. He got a job here and seemed happy. I thought we were happy. We talked about and made plans for the future. I met him when I was 48. I felt so lucky to meet him and felt it was meant to be. Neither of us had children or previous relationship baggage. We shared many goals and values. Then out of nowhere he told me he wasn't happy and his feelings for me had changed. He wanted to go back home and see how he felt but didn't want to break up. I was away for work for two weeks and he told me he would wait until I got home. But at the airport he messaged me to say he had already left because it was 'easier for him'. It broke my heart. I came home to an empty apartment with all trace of him removed. Then the next week he called to tell me it was over. Like so many others here on the forum I can't understand how he can just switch off. Only two weeks before he first told me he was unhappy he had pointed to an old couple holding hands and said that will be us one day. I've been through relationship breakups before but at the time I knew that person wasn't right for me. But this time I just feel so incredibly sad and empty that he is gone. I feel I didn't get given a chance to fix it. Now I'm 50 and the future just looks so empty and bleak as I know I'll never meet someone like him again.

Unable to stop crying

quirkywords — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 04:47:28 GMT

Jhc welcome to the forum.

sudden break up at any age is so stressful and heartbreaking.

As you wrote you thought you would grow older together.

I think the not knowing what went wrong makes it hard for closure as you keep thinking what caused the breakup and could it have been stopped.

You are still in shock and need time and lots of tender loving care to help you.

50 is still young. Crying can help you process all the pain you are feeling. Do you feel the crying is helping you in any way?

Thanks for your honesty in sharing your story.

Quirky

Unable to stop crying

Matchy69 — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 05:01:09 GMT

After reading your post and can so relate to you.I lost my ex wife that i thought i would be forever.I lost her because she needed sex and i couldnt give that to her became impotent.She went and found someone who could satisfi her which happened to be my best friend.I was really in a mess crying all the time,i really struggled with day to day life.

After a few years of being game enough to talk to people and girls i met someone so amazing,we had the best friendship sharing our highs and lows of life.She was the best thing to happened to me but unfortunately my anxiety really got bad and i thought i was going to lose her friendship and because of this i actually did.I still cry for her every day as well as my narriage.I trying to keep busy and keep my mine off things,trying to move on with my life but is hard.

You are an amazing person and there will be someone special out there for you that will treat you so good and it will happen when you least expect it to.

Unable to stop crying

Jhc — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 05:16:44 GMT

Thanks Quirky for your reply. No, crying isn't making me feel better, but worse. I guess it is also worse today because I'm not at work trying to hold it together. I'm at home by myself just thinking the same stuff over and over, questioning why. I just want him to come back into my life, to at least give it a second chance.

Unable to stop crying

Jhc — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 05:22:47 GMT

Hi Matchy69. I'm sorry you are also feeling like this. It's not a great place to be and I just want to wake up from this nightmare. The problem is that I thought after all my previous bad relationships that this one was the one I had waited for all these years. I met him when I wasn't looking for a relationship. We rarely argued. We had a lot of laughs and he treated me so well. It was a massive shock him leaving before I got home and then ending it. That's why I really can't see any hope for the future. I had the relationship that everyone wants and hopes for, and now it has been taken away from me.

Unable to stop crying

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 06:33:01 GMT

Jhc said: I'm at home by myself just thinking the same stuff over and over, questioning why.

Hi there

I've recently gone through a break up too and still trying to process it. The whole going over it in your head is honestly the worst. For the first week I had to tell myself out loud to just "shut up!". I couldn't stand it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Crying doesn't seem to help, but I guess it has a purpose. I know my GP said you've got to let it all out. Don't try and hold it in. If you want to keep talking and sharing, please do. I know how much I needed to do that when it was so raw and painful. My thoughts are with you, Katy

Unable to stop crying

Matchy69 — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 08:37:30 GMT

Hi Jhc,i too feel like its a nightmare that i just want to wake up from and like you i am 50 and wonder was that my last chance now.I never had a fight with this lady,it was just the nicest thing we had.I have two children with special needs from my marriage and are full on when i have them,it was nice to have someone who understood that my kids were a big part of my life.I feel like their will allways be something missing in my life.I find my self thinking about her and then just crying.

Unable to stop crying

Jhc — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 03:27:42 GMT

Thanks Katy and Matchy69 for your kind words. I just can't believe here I am again, going through yet another breakup when I thought that part of my life was behind me. It was hard going to the shops today seeing all the happy couples walking around. I keep asking what is so bad about me that the best person in my life has now walked out of it. I know so many people are far worse off than me, and I should be more grateful for the small things. But it's very hard at the moment.

Unable to stop crying

quirkywords — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 04:35:09 GMT

Jhc

If you browse the threads you will see many are about breakups and does not matter how old you are, if the breakup was a surprise or was a joint decision, breakups are very hard.

I think the best thing is to take it slowly, and be kind to yourself. It takes time and you need to grieve like you would grieve any loss and there is no right way do what feels right.

Keep writing here if it helps as you can see there are people here who are supportive .

Quirky

Unable to stop crying

Nothappyuni — Wed, 18 Dec 2019 05:46:18 GMT

Hi All,

Brings me to tears as well reading your posts. I had 25 years with a woman I expected to die with, still holding hands. I too am the same age and just like both of you feel that it is a steep hill I must climb to start again, or wondering if I can even start again. Nightclubs are no my scene anymore and internet sites for meeting people are just a joke, truly. Kathy is right when she says you must not think about it, make a mantra for yourself, "I love faulty Towers" or "Game of Thrones is good" anything to take your mind away from the dark thoughts you don't need. There are so many here who have broken up with partners, that I can only conclude there must be thousands out there.

Unable to stop crying

Jhc — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 07:16:35 GMT

Hi Nothappy@uni, how long ago did you lose your relationship? Everyone says it gets easier everyday but I'm not feeling that at all. People say I will meet someone else but for me I feel like there will not be anyone so well matched to me. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I make sure I sleep, eat properly and even drag myself off to my usual gym classes but I still feel the same. I sent him an email 2 days ago and he replied last night. One of his reasons was related to the way I am at home about certain things. He tells me this now after breaking up with me. But not at the time. I could have changed my behaviour if I'd known. Why not say something at the time? I'm not a mind reader. I just don't understand why he made the choice to throw it all away for minor things instead of trying to working it out.

Today I went to the GP for a mental health plan. I am hoping that somehow I can heal. I hope you are looking after yourself as well,

Unable to stop crying

Matchy69 — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 08:27:31 GMT

Hi Jhc,just reading what you have written,i can so understand where you are coming from.My self i lost someone for a silly reason,it involved my anxiety and panic attacks i have.I wish i knew and i could have changed things.

It is good that you are trying to live a normal life and still do gym classes.I dont know when it will get easier for you.I still struggle and been thinking of the person i lost a lot lately and just want them back in my life.i cry for them and miss them so much.

Thats great you saw your GP and got a mental health care plan.I have done that in the pass but i have moved a live a distance from health care so have not done it yet.

Meeting someone new does seem very hard especially when you have the other person costantly on your mine.Just different for everyone how long it takes to get over that person you lost.For me i dont think i will meet anyone else.I met 2 woman in my life that i connected with.

Unable to stop crying

Jhc — Sat, 28 Dec 2019 06:21:12 GMT

Trying to get through the days one by one. But it's so difficult. I fluctuate between disbelief that it's over and that he can just switch off after how strong our relationship was, to moments of acceptance that it is actually over. I don't understand the stages of grief. I should have anger towards him for doing this to us, but I can't summon it. What is wrong with me? I keep wishing I could go back in time to work out what I did wrong. I tried to make a psych appointment but the waitlist is so long. I don't know how I'm going to make it to February for my possible appointment. I've been reading the forum and can relate to so many of the stories but it only helps a little.

Unable to stop crying

Matchy69 — Sat, 28 Dec 2019 07:03:39 GMT

Hi Jhc i am glad you got an appointment in Febuary.I know it seems like a long way away but it will come.I know you are still struggling and just want to cry.Some days i just dont want to get out of bed but i do and try to do a few things,not much just something trying to live my life.I know it will never be the same again.Just remember you are stronger then you think and you are an amazing person.