topic Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK in Relationship and family issues

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

Breegirl — Wed, 10 Oct 2018 05:50:44 GMT

I have posted onto these forums already regarding leaving my husband and how I DO it

Today I am extremely anxious and depressed - last week I tried to again leave him, he just doesn't want to hear it, then threatens to take everything and leave me with nothing, lots of other stuff.

He is going overseas in 3 weeks for work, I am going to pack up and move into a rental with my 2 kids, more time to do it, less traumatic on the kids and myself. I know it sounds harsh but if I try to do it now he will make it difficult.

I have to 'play the game' for the moment, play happy families thinking everything is OK - I haven't been happy for a long long time, always making sure other people are doing okay forgetting about myself.....I think that is why I am struggling as this is out of my character to up and leave and I am looking for reassurance, not saying I need it but when I feel this way it is what I look for.......

Has anyone else had to do a similar thing?

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

jess334 — Wed, 10 Oct 2018 07:57:55 GMT

Hi Breegirl,

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time finalising this decision.

I had a similar situation in a past relationship. I would make the decision to leave then my partner would cry, yell, threaten, and guilt me into staying. Although I didn't have children at the time, I was living wth him in a foreign country and felt very trapped. I ended up planning my 'escape' in a similar way. I purchased a train ticket, organised to stay with relatives, and waited until he went to work to quickly pack and leave.

I felt really guilty about it to begin with, but after some distance I realised I did what was right and safe for me.

It sounds like you are making the safe choice for yourself and your kids.

I hope you keep posting if you are comfortable to do so.

Jess

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

Breegirl — Wed, 10 Oct 2018 22:46:16 GMT

Thank you Jess it feels reassuring to know other people have felt the same as I am feeling now.

The hardest part I think for me is the backlash of what I will be doing, I need to do this for me and I know the children will be OK they are resilient and are loved by both parents.

Once I actually physically start it will be easier I think. Although I then have questions about how do I tell him I left, how do I tell the children, my overthinking mind goes crazy!

Time heals and life goes on 🙂

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

geoff — Fri, 12 Oct 2018 01:31:37 GMT

Hi Breegirl, I have just read your comment and hope you are ok.

Can I get back to you tomorrow as I'm about to log off as I start very early in the morning, but comments like this I do worry me and I understand what you are going through, and to tell your children can be difficult, but there are ways to help you hope that's OK.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

geoff — Fri, 12 Oct 2018 15:46:44 GMT

Hello Bree, if you need to leave your husband then the best time is when he is o/s, as you know, make a list and probably it's best to keep it memorised, and as much as you want your 2 kids to come with you, I would keep it quiet, except to say to 'clean their room', only because they will know where everything is.

Try and find somewhere and organise the electricity/gas to be turned on at a specific time.

The only worry is if you have tried to leave him before, I wonder what his thoughts are now before going o/s?

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

Breegirl — Fri, 12 Oct 2018 23:55:50 GMT

Thank you so much Geoff

I have tried to leave but not physically just try to talk to him but he is in denial....I need to take action,

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

Breegirl — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 00:32:51 GMT

I also have the fear of him taking my son which I know he cant but I just dont want to take that chance, just so want to be on my own the love has gone and I left the marriage a long time ago

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

geoff — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 01:30:11 GMT

Hi Bree, if you are worried about him taking your son, even though he can't, then are you able to just leave, he is not going to agree because he's in denial, you have to make a decision, talking with him is not going to help.

You may lose furniture but it's better to have your son with you to be safe and sound.

Please let me know, I'm about to log off, but will reply back to you tomorrow.

Take care.

Geoff.

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

Breegirl — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 03:10:54 GMT

Yes, once he is OS I am planning on getting a cheap rental and taking my bare essentials and buying new stuff. At least being physically removed I can then deal with things and yet have my own place and space.

He is not an angry or vindictive man at all he is a good Dad etc but you just never know what someone may do when emotionally upset.

When he gets back I will have someone with me to tell him what Im doing.

Thank you Geoff your comments are comforting

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

Breegirl — Fri, 19 Oct 2018 03:36:13 GMT

So update.....my husband isn't going overseas till January now which throws a huge spanner in the works for me. I am still going to move out but will just have to be quicker and not in a hugely timely manner now, my feelings haven't changed in that department.

I am really wanting to get this process started it is really wearing on me emotionally - I am starting anti-depressants next week to help me with how I am feeling.

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

geoff — Sat, 20 Oct 2018 01:47:47 GMT

Hi Breegirl, I'm so sorry I'm a day behind, but this must be disappointing, but as you say it can still be done.

Can I please get back to you in the morning as I start very early, it's not fair on you I know, but I have written down this post with your name so I won't forget it.

Please take care tonight and speak with you tomorrow.

Geoff.

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

geoff — Sat, 20 Oct 2018 15:24:38 GMT

Hi Breegirl, is it possible for either your son or both your kids to spend the tonight somewhere else the night/day before you move out, but this would might only work if they do this on a regular basis, if not then he may be asking questions, that's not what you want.

If they are not in the house then it would be easier for you to move out.

Can I also suggest contacting Anglicare, I often mention this to people in similar situations, and only because they were terrific for me.

They can provide housing and counselling and won't tell anyone unless you give them permission.

Take care and best wishes.

Geoff.

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

jess334 — Sat, 20 Oct 2018 21:54:24 GMT

Hi Breegirl,

Good to hear how things are going. I am glad you haven't changed your mind. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to be prepared.

Well done on going on the anti depressants. That can be a big step to take. I hope they work well for you.

Jess

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

GoodWitch — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 07:12:10 GMT

Hi Breegirl,

I'm sorry to see this is still such a struggle, but popping in to say I get it. I totally get how impossible this all seems and how hard it is when you are trying to get a point across and the other person doesn't want to hear it. It's terrifying, the thought of having to be the bad guy. I feel like I've always had to be the bad guy in my relationship and I'm still being it. It's really hard. Just wanted to give you a supportive cyber hug.

It's a bummer your hub isn't going overseas until next year now, you had it all ready to go and then your plans had to change. It's very stressful. Are you on the anti-depressants yet? Are they helping?

Hang in there

Feeling anxious - need to know it will be OK

Breegirl — Wed, 24 Oct 2018 03:29:43 GMT

Thank you so much GW - I am still going to look at moving out for my own peace of mind and to rip the band aid off, it may just be a little harder now that is all......

I have started the anti-depressants so will see how they work in the next few weeks.

I just really want to now stop playing the game and start living my own life, I have a great support network so we can all pull together and get it done.....

Thank you for all of your support also 🙂