topic I'm sad and stressed and scared in Relationship and family issues

I'm sad and stressed and scared

james1 — Thu, 08 Feb 2018 03:35:39 GMT

Hello,

I didn't know where to put this. I'm looking for someone to talk to.

Long story short, the title says it really. I'm sad about a relationship break (yet again) and both sad and stressed about leaving my current job and changing career paths from a well paid office job to a zero income work-for-myself career.

I can support myself financially, I have been in the job fxor long enough to know that the corporate lifestyle is not for me, and I've been discontent in the job for long enough to know that it's time to go. I have things I can do to occupy my time like my hobby and actually planning out how to quit and change lifestyles, but especially with the break-up, I don't know if I can emotionally manage it all.

Staying for longer while I cope with the break up isn't an option. I do not want it and I'm too set on this to stop pushing ahead.

I need to leave but its f scary and I'm just mentally exhausted. Not depressed or suicidal, I just don't want to bother doing anything. It's too demoralising, repeatedly.

I'm sad and stressed and scared

Quercus — Thu, 08 Feb 2018 07:15:12 GMT

Hi James,

Good on you for speaking up. You're human. Changes are scary enough without a mental illness in the mix.

You know what is best for you. If the job isn't helping you time to go. You get this one life my friend. It is alright to make your needs a priority and do whatever you need to help yourself. Just feels hard huh.

As to your break up and feeling overwhelmed time to call in the troops. You know all of us here are in your corner but what about offline? Who have you got in youe life who you can rely on to keep you company in the inevitable lonely patches after a break up.

Please take care of yourself James. Would love to hear more about your plans for self employment. What had you got in mind?

❤ Nat

I'm sad and stressed and scared

There — Thu, 08 Feb 2018 08:25:28 GMT

Hi James,

Firstly I just want to say well done on realizing you’re not happy in your current job, it takes a strong person with insight to realize this and then do something about it.

I’m in the same boat (break up - 18months long and 6 weeks out, with him now dating the woman he emotionally cheated on me with).

I guess all you can do is take it day by day and if you need to break it down further, step by step. Maybe set some mini goals and take solace in the small wins. Be kind to yourself and do small things that you enjoy and take comfort in.

Not sure if any of that helps, but we are all here to listen.

T(here) x

I'm sad and stressed and scared

james1 — Thu, 08 Feb 2018 11:44:20 GMT

Hello Nat,

Thank you for giving me the encouragement.

I have gotten used to (now) telling all my friends en masse when the sht has hit the fan so I had two friends come over tonight which was helpful. They've always been good.

I would like to do some work on my writing career. So that'd be reading more, writing more, reading more about writing...I could feasibly also pick up some tid bits here and there from an admin perspective. I'm a gun at Microsoft Office applications and I do genuinely enjoy excel work and automating processes, so I could freelance that.

Ultimately I just want to work for myself, at my own hours. I'm tired of abiding by other people's schedules.

But yes. The change is scary and I just don't feel like I have the mental energy to take a leap of faith right now. I'd much rather just hide at home all day.

James

I'm sad and stressed and scared

james1 — Thu, 08 Feb 2018 11:50:47 GMT

Hello T(here),

Thank you so much for posting your reply to me. I saw your thread earlier and I really wanted to reply but I just couldn't think of what to say.

Just...it's a very very hard place for you right now and, as you say, day-by-day.

I've been through break-ups before and while they don't get easier, I do understand the process a bit better now. It's just about letting myself ride it through.

That all said, I'm scared and sad and stressed about being scared and sad and stressed. There's no use in hiding from it. It's just...scary sad and stressful about being in this situation yet again.

James

I'm sad and stressed and scared

Guest_1584 — Thu, 08 Feb 2018 13:08:14 GMT

Hi james.

Sounds like you wanna do what you gotta do and yeah it is scary at first but it sounds like you had a pretty good job for awhile so you've probably got back up to last awhile, that's a real bonus.

l work for myself and just went through very hard break up too , still goin. l've worked fro myself most my working life and seen lots of tight times but lots of cushy highs too. l really couldn't go clock on somewhere or even hold the interest long enough too these days. lt can be a real lifestyle for sure and most only get to live how l live on their pissy 3wks holiday a year or whatever it is these days so the hours and lifestyle are a huge thing to me.

Sometimes l wish l went out to a job just to have the company and some work mates and a change of environment but l did have outside jobs when l first left school for a few years, way way back now don't remind me but anyway. Always the same , l just wanted out after awhile.

But it's tough at times too for sure and in exchange for their few holidays they get sick leave and holiday pay and benefits l don't get and sometimes they're more secure than me but ya learn to work around all that in time and anything has it's price sooo. Ya take the good with the bad.

Sometimes it's a blessing when your going through other stuff like a break up because your so involved in your work, you have to be because there's no one else to do iy for ya but sometimes a curse too, but eh a job for a boss is the same too so yaknow.

You sound like you might be secure enough to start any time so l dunno , the way ya feel about your job now , l'd go for it or take a few mths out first after if you can afford it , get yourself a bit better about the break up.

l've just learnt over the years there's rarely the perfect time and seen many people dream about it and regret chickening out waiting waiting until they're stuck. But it's not for everyone , most understandably like the security for a boss , well if they don't put you off anyway but yaknow.

Anyway good luck with whatever you decide but yeah , it'll be scary for awhile.

I'm sad and stressed and scared

There — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 02:52:53 GMT

Hi James,

That’s ok re my thread, sometimes the closest people to me don’t know what to say. It’s understandable.

I can sympathise being sad and stressed and scared which leads to just feeling utterly mentally exhausted. You seem to have a good understanding of yourself and how you cope which is a strength. How do you combat wanting to stay inside and hide all day? I’m finding I don’t want to get out and do things. I enjoy running and haven’t been out in weeks and am not sure how to combat that... I’m sorry I also don’t want to be taking over your thread!

I'm sad and stressed and scared

Guest_1584 — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 05:07:21 GMT

That's another great subject though theere and a bit of another of my problems l have to fight too. l'll see if l can find your thread.

I'm sad and stressed and scared

james1 — Sat, 10 Feb 2018 01:25:27 GMT

Hello randomx,

It's nice to see you here. Thanks for sharing your own story. I'll save it and have a read every now and then while i figure out what to do.

I've heard many people talk about the fact that when you work for yourself, the trade off of not having paid sick days and holidays is a pretty big one. It's definitely something I need to think more about.

Thanks

James

I'm sad and stressed and scared

james1 — Sat, 10 Feb 2018 01:33:52 GMT

Hello J,

Oh I also like running too actually.

Maybe it's just me, but I think I've had enough break-ups to have trained my brain to force myself out. I suppose it's a matter of habit.

E.g. when we broke up, the first thing I did was to message all my close friends. I also called my sister. I didn't want to do either of these things, but I knew it was what I had to do.

The next day two of my friends came over - again, I didn't want it, but I just said, 'bugger it'.

Today, I was meant to meet up with a friend in the morning for coffee and I really tried to get out, but I honestly forgot where we were going and went to the wrong place. But at least I tried.

Right now I'm back inside and really not wanting to go anywhere, but I will make myself go out later even if it's just to buy some plants for my garden.

So I think the key is to keep things simple. My friends asked me to go over to theirs, but I said I wanted to stay here, so they came over. If we keep things simple for ourselves, it'll be easier to get out the door/have people here.

Want an apple? Go and buy an apple. Don't need to do all the groceries, just go buy an apple.

Need to go run? Go outside and start running. Don't bring your phone or wallet or anything but your keys and just run until you want to come back inside.

The key for me is to train my mind rather than my body to 'get over it and do it'.

James

I'm sad and stressed and scared

Croix — Sat, 10 Feb 2018 03:04:35 GMT

Dear James~

While I'm sad at your situation I do take heart from the fact you know yourself so well and have a 'toolkit' of methods for handling things.

As you would appreciate we can't always steer life, so have to accommodate it. Your pushing though and contacting your friends is an excellent example of a thing to do, the fact you know you have to do it is wonderful.

Why am I praising you up? Because it might just help you deal with the inevitable fear that comes when alone, experiencing loss and facing uncertainty. I know you will deal with all that life hands you - and probably put it in a novel too.

Croix (who once admired an excellent graphical card trick in Excel)

I'm sad and stressed and scared

james1 — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 00:50:56 GMT

Thanks Croix.

The past few days have been hard and I have caught myself wondering what the purpose of being around is, but I made it through the weekend without incident. I did a bit of cleaning and laundry and getting rid of old things from my fridge.

Isn't it funny how cleaning out other parts of our life can somehow feel symbolically like cleaning out the crap in our lives?

Maybe that's just me.

Anyway, I also tidied my garden and put things in their rightful place.

I did in fact start to do a little bit of writing and reading, and I would like to quit to be a writer, but I suspect that's a while off from now!

Thanks again

James

I'm sad and stressed and scared

Quercus — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 06:04:44 GMT

Hi James,

You sound fairly positive and are keeping busy. How are you feeling?

Love the sound of gardening. Just wait and you'll be a Bunnings convert in no time. What sort of plants are keeping you occupied? Gardening as therapy... Pretty sure that's a "thing" and if it's not it should be.

Hope your rabbit doesn't get into your plants. Mine (Californian crosses) are tall enough to reach up and eat all my pot plants.

Hope you are feeling ok.

❤ Nat

I'm sad and stressed and scared

Just Sara — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 07:48:05 GMT

Hi James;

I'm sorry you're sad and stressed. Folks above have been really lovely and given solid advice which I can't really expand on. But I do have a (symbolic) anecdote that might resonate. Please bare with me as it's a bit long...

A few yrs back I decided to purchase my first home. Being a single woman in my 50's it was a pie-in-the-sky type goal. Lots of people said I was crazy, money lenders wouldn't even look at me.

I set about creating a plan similar to a business plan. I even picked up a book on it. The goal was to save enough money for a deposit, then hit the bank up for a mortgage loan. The plan involved putting my things in storage and living as frugally as I could.

So, I bought a 2nd hand caravan to do up and live in. It was decrepit, painted canary yellow and lime green inside, had nothing unbroken to sit or lay on, the tyres were bald and flat, it leaked and wasn't registered. Bit of a juiceless, seedless lemon!

I had it moved onto a lot in a caravan park, I bought paint, tools and accessories then stood in the middle of it crying like a baby.

"What have I done?!" I went back each day for a week and everyday it became harder to face.

On the last day I stood looking at that bloody yellow paint and thought; "This is it; now or never!" I picked up the paint tin, opened it and began to put the undercoat on.

That was the first day of the rest of my life James. Opening that tin led to the next step and so on. It was freezing cold, pouring with rain and I was alone without help, but I finished and it served its purpose until I sold it at a hefty profit.

I'd saved quite a few thousand $ and approached the bank. I sat with the manager without any substantive loan history, just my deposit. Thru chatting, I convinced him of my worth and he said he'd back me up; the mortgage was approved.

Because I'd been successful, my 2 sisters took the plunge and now own their first homes as well. I couldn't be prouder of them.

When life gets tough, I think of my yellow caravan and the outcome I created just by taking that first step against all odds.

You'll thrive if you want it more than anything else James, and because - this too shall pass.

Warm thoughts;

Sez xo

I'm sad and stressed and scared

There — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 09:16:40 GMT

Hi Randomx,

my thread is called ‘dealing with a cheating ex’ head on over and let me know your thoughts on trying to fight staying in and hiding all day.

I'm sad and stressed and scared

There — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 09:21:47 GMT

Hey James,

I like that - keeping it simple. Getting out and buying an apple. I’ll use that, thank you.

Do you find that you over think things? Any tips for combating that?

You sound like you are a very strong person James, I hope you realize that!