https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/my-friendship-is-suffocating-me/m-p/384426#M27386 <P>Hi, I hope this is an okay place to post this. I'm a teenage girl with anxiety (lifelong, but recently worse) and depression (started developing ~1 year ago), and I'm having a friendship problem. I have this friend, we'll call him L. We've been friends since primary school and have now been at different high schools for a few years. I used to consider him one of my best friends. Now, it ruins my day to think about him.</P> <P>L always wants to hang out. Like, every weekend. I don't think he has any idea that he has such a negative effect on me. I'm making up excuses every week as to why I can't meet up. Because being around him is suffocating me. I can't relax when I'm with him, I'm always tense. I get home on a Sunday after hanging out with and cry for ages. I cry just thinking about having to hang out with him. It physically and mentally exhausts me, on top of the fatigue I already have to deal with. Unlike the lightness and moments of calm that my other friendships give me, he drains me completely. I never want to see him. I only have negative emotions connected to him. And now I don't know what to do. I feel <EM>guilty </EM>about thinking/feeling these things because he hasn't actually <EM>done </EM>anything wrong. He's not mean to me, at all. He always wants to hang out because (I quote) he "really likes it" and "it's a highlight" (which really doesn't make me feel any better). But he makes me so unhappy. I get a stab of panic every time I see he's sent me a text. He clearly values our friendship a lot, but at the moment it's ruining my life. I'm just so lost on this.</P> Mon, 12 Nov 2018 09:35:04 GMT Guest_925 2018-11-12T09:35:04Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/my-friendship-is-suffocating-me/m-p/384426#M27386 <P>Hi, I hope this is an okay place to post this. I'm a teenage girl with anxiety (lifelong, but recently worse) and depression (started developing ~1 year ago), and I'm having a friendship problem. I have this friend, we'll call him L. We've been friends since primary school and have now been at different high schools for a few years. I used to consider him one of my best friends. Now, it ruins my day to think about him.</P> <P>L always wants to hang out. Like, every weekend. I don't think he has any idea that he has such a negative effect on me. I'm making up excuses every week as to why I can't meet up. Because being around him is suffocating me. I can't relax when I'm with him, I'm always tense. I get home on a Sunday after hanging out with and cry for ages. I cry just thinking about having to hang out with him. It physically and mentally exhausts me, on top of the fatigue I already have to deal with. Unlike the lightness and moments of calm that my other friendships give me, he drains me completely. I never want to see him. I only have negative emotions connected to him. And now I don't know what to do. I feel <EM>guilty </EM>about thinking/feeling these things because he hasn't actually <EM>done </EM>anything wrong. He's not mean to me, at all. He always wants to hang out because (I quote) he "really likes it" and "it's a highlight" (which really doesn't make me feel any better). But he makes me so unhappy. I get a stab of panic every time I see he's sent me a text. He clearly values our friendship a lot, but at the moment it's ruining my life. I'm just so lost on this.</P> Mon, 12 Nov 2018 09:35:04 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/my-friendship-is-suffocating-me/m-p/384426#M27386 Guest_925 2018-11-12T09:35:04Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/my-friendship-is-suffocating-me/m-p/384427#M27387 <P>Dear Florablue~</P> <P>Welcome here to the Forum. I can well understand how you can be torn two ways in this situation, between you own health and not wanting to hurt someone who does not deserve it. I think it shows you have a caring and thoughtful personality.</P> <P>It looks from what you say you either let the situation continue or break off with L. Would you say those were in fact your two options?</P> <P>I guess it is a matter of priorities, as someone with a long term anxiety anxiety condition and now with depression as well it is really important to get your life as stress-free as you can, and this friendship sounds as if it is not helping at all.</P> <P>I made the mistake of hanging on and not changing my life and really fell over as a result. Crying like that, having to make up excuses and the heart lurching at incoming texts is no way to be.</P> <P>Do you think you are capable of telling L either face to face or in a letter/text that the time has come for space and you really need to be separated from him? This is something people do all the time, relationships become one-sided and then fail, for no fault on either side. </P> <P>A kind person will say so and not leave the other person hanging. True it takes bravery, and can feel awful, but in truth it is a sign you care enough to undergo those feelings. </P> <P>It may be in time you might feel differently, but for now peace, less stress and calm would be good.</P> <P>Can I ask if you are under medical support for your conditions? As I said I hung on longer than I should and would not like you to make the same mistake.</P> <P>Having someone to talk to about all this can be pretty good. Is there anyone you can discuss this with who cares, in you family perhaps?</P> <P>I do hope you come back here and talk some more</P> <P>Croix</P> Mon, 12 Nov 2018 10:42:44 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/my-friendship-is-suffocating-me/m-p/384427#M27387 Croix 2018-11-12T10:42:44Z