topic Tired of caring anymore in Relationship and family issues

Tired of caring anymore

Speckonaclover — Wed, 28 Mar 2018 11:19:58 GMT

I'm finding it hard to express what's going on in my head, I know what's there, but actually communicating it is a sense of failure, that there must be something wrong with me. I'm a father to 2 kids and husband to my wife. I don't feel I fit into my family anymore. To cut it short, I'm tired of caring. More and more days go by where I have more internal rage, and more thoughts of "I just don't give a F anymore". And I never thought I'd be experiencing days of loneliness or coming home to a family that just expects me to do stuff. I feel like I'm on a road to an eventual end, that will end much sooner than it should, and frankly I don't care. I feel so lost

Tired of caring anymore

MsPurple — Wed, 28 Mar 2018 11:39:59 GMT

hi Speckonaclover and welcome to the forums.

It sounds like you are a bit frustrated and tired. I know a lot of people who struggle to express themselves can get angry and a bit short with those around them because they can't fully understand you. Well I have had experience with that as my housemate struggled with anger due to not being able to express what he was feeling. He decided to talk to his gp about his feelings, about his anger and stress. He then went to see a psychologist. There he talked out all his feelings and was taught how to express himself so others could understand. Now may sound a bit weird me talking about my housemate, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone with these feelings. I suggest you talk to your gp and maybe consider seeing a psychologist or counselor and discuss how you have been feeling. I also know when I am struggling with my mental health I just can't be bothered ding anything. I don't have a drive and just want to be alone. I have found with therapy I am able to communicate better and I feel better in myself. I feel like I can hang with friends and family without getting short with them,

Hope this lets you feel less alone.

Tired of caring anymore

smallwolf — Wed, 28 Mar 2018 13:03:20 GMT

Welcome. Such a sad story.

I also have a wife and 2 kids. For a long time I felt similar to you. Over the years what I felt became less and less until I broke down. I would internalize my anger and frustration, not good. A visit to the GP and now regular visits to the psych things are slowly improving. That is the short version.

There are lots of things that I don't know about your situation. Like... When did it start? Do you feel empty? Do you feel frustrated? How is your work?

Everyone's battle with a mental illness is different. And no two are alike, and at the same time some parts will overlap.

I agree with mspurple suggestions about checking in with a GP. It will help give you some clarity as to how you feel. Our health and relationships are the most important things we have. Also, does your wife know how you feel? If not, are you able to discuss how you feel with her. Communication is important. Maybe if she needs what you are going through, she might also be able to help you. Maybe find things to do together?

Hope you have some success in resolving the problems you mentioned.

Tired of caring anymore

Speckonaclover — Tue, 21 Dec 2021 06:46:40 GMT

Almost 3 years ago, not much has changed. Tried the GP, that felt impersonal, tried meds but stopped coz it didn't feel right, tried talking with a professional, really didn't help. I think I'm done with talking, it never works. Angry, tired, unappreciated, disappointed, ashamed, unhappy, lost, alone, and I think there's nothing more to say. I feel so done with everything. I just had to get that off my chest and dump it to the ether. Nothing more to say, I need to go

Tired of caring anymore

Sophie_M — Tue, 21 Dec 2021 07:25:59 GMT

Hi Speckonaclover. We're so sorry to hear how hopeless and alone you feel right now. We understand that feeling unsupported during difficult times like these can be quite painful. Sometimes the process of finding what works for you can be frustrating, but we would encourage you to keep trying to find the right treatment and support.

We can hear that you're feeling really low at the moment. You mentioned that you're not sure what you more you could say but if you did want to speak with someone about how you're feeling, please know that counsellors are always available via phone for your most difficult moments. Some of these 24/7 services include:

Lifeline - 13 11 14 / https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-12am)
Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467

And if you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero). Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you. Pease know that we are all here to support you.

Tired of caring anymore

WaterFront — Tue, 21 Dec 2021 08:29:10 GMT

Hi Speckonaclover,

I'm sorry you have been feeling this way and for a long time too. That's a tough thing to be going through.

This is a safe place to discuss these feelings and maybe if you want to, and feel able, you could try to communicate here the things that you think might be making you feel this way and that you have struggled to talk about with others.

Just writing things down can sometimes help and there are lots of good listeners on BB who might be able to offer advice and insights and relate their own experiences which might help.

I hope you come back and talk to us some more.

Tired of caring anymore

Speckonaclover — Fri, 24 Dec 2021 14:12:52 GMT

I'll just make this plain & simpe, I keep having more occuring thoughts to end my life. I am more and more losing the will to live. There is nothing that makes me happy or excites me anymore, everything has become a chore. I started to feel better a day ago, but tonight on Christmas Eve my 13 yr old daughter just ticked me off. I was quietly sitting on the couch watching something on youtube (11pm), it wasn't too loud, yet she came in and asked me to turn it down because it was too loud. I told her it wasn't loud and she should just close the door between the living room (where I was) and the hallway where the bedroom are. She didn't like that, so she slammed the door on me. My other daughter then comes rushing in to where I am still sitting on the couch and proceeds to ask me why I slammed the door. I said go speak to your sister. I have little respect. I'm a father of 2 girls (13 & 18) and I'm always being told of things I'm not doing right. Some of it is correct, like I yell and I have a short temper, but what always gets dismissed is the things that tick me off, the things they all do, that they keep on doing, that never changes, that just tick me off. So when some small happens, like some backchat, I tend to go from 0 to 100 in a heartbeat, coz I no longer have any patience.

It's Christmas Eve, everyone has gone to bed, and tonight I'm back thinking of calling it all quits. My work has been an immense pressure lately, and while it's been full on, it's about the only thing I am clinging to. I am in a well paid but very stressful job, but it's not the main reason I feel the way I feel. My home life is the majority of why I feel so worthless. I'm the guy that brings in most of the money into this household, and I'm treated less than I should be.

Tired of caring anymore

Speckonaclover — Fri, 24 Dec 2021 14:15:25 GMT

I couldn't post everything in the one post, so I might repeat myself:

Tired of caring anymore

Speckonaclover — Fri, 24 Dec 2021 14:18:24 GMT

As a father, as a parent, I feel like I have failed. Why do my girls, and my wife, just blame me for everything. I know I have a short wick, but I don't believe they have any empathy. They never see things from me side. I am bit by bit, feeling like I no longer belong in thid household. I no longer feel like I will grow old, that I will just one day say enough is enough, and I'll just close out my life on my own terms. I'm at a point where I really no longer care. However there are people in my extended family and friends that have stopped me from doing anything drastic, like my parents, my 13 year old nephew who has big anxiety issues and at a young age wanted to kill himself, and another more recent friend who some 15 odd years ago lost his Dad to suicide. They are the only ones that have had me rethink suicide, because I don't want to hurt them. But as for my immediate family, my wife and two daughters, I don't think they really would miss me, they'd get over it, and they'd end up with a big insurance payout and my super, and they can spend it however they want, whatever makes them happy. I just don't care.
I have a close friend in Victoria, we catch up almost daily, either over zoom with a few beers, or we just exchange messages. I know I would hurt him, and he's the only one I've partially explained how I'm feeling.

Tired of caring anymore

Speckonaclover — Fri, 24 Dec 2021 14:19:15 GMT

The more I try to not let sh!t tick me off, the more it makes it feels obsolete and redundant in this household. I don't know if you or anyone else can relate to that. I just don't feel valued here. So many other families I see (friends on Facebook) that have families where there kids & family seem much happier than mine. I place blame on myself, I must have done something wrong at some point.
So I am safe tonight, I'm not about to do anything drastic, but internally I'm feeling more and more like this can't continue. Thoughts that run through my head; start planning my exit strategy, getting my finances and affairs in order, removing myself from social interactions, stop communication on social media, pretend to everyone that I'm ok but meanwhile I'm planning an exit. I never thought I would ever think like this, but this is where I'm at.

Thank you for your messages and concerns

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Sophie_M — Fri, 24 Dec 2021 14:26:23 GMT

Hey Speckonaclover

Sounds like you really struggling and that your teenage daughters often dont treat you well. That must be a horrible feeling but we want to remind that all life is important, including yours and whilst it may not feel like it right now, you can certainly become strong again. We understand how hard it can be especially during this of year and want you to know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

If you are wanting to act on thoughts of suicide, then this is an emergency and you should call 000 immediately.

Tired of caring anymore

Lauz22 — Sun, 26 Dec 2021 05:39:28 GMT

Hi Speckonalover,

This was really sad to read and I'm sorry to hear about the pain you are going through.

What has led to you to feel isolated from your family?

I believe any parent struggles with raising teenager daughters, it's a very confusing and stressful time for teenagers, especially in this day and age and with social media, it would be so hard being a teenager! As a young female adolescent, I can say that phase is something girls grow out of.

I truly don't believe they wouldn't care if you were to end things. I think so many more people would care, more than you know.

Do you speak to your wife about this?

Tired of caring anymore

WaterFront — Mon, 27 Dec 2021 22:29:24 GMT

Hi Speckonaclover,

I'm really glad you came back to talk through some of things that have been making you feel so down. I can relate to being on the receiving end of the types of behaviours your daughters are throwing your way as I have two daughters of my own in their twenties. Usually, they do seem to grow out of it (when they grow up a bit) and come to realise the way they treated you was unfair. Generally, when they have children of their own or are mature enough to reflect on they way they behaved towards you. At that time, you might even get a heartfelt apology. I'm not saying the way they are treating you is fair or right, just that this can be a teenage girl thing. It's like you have to 'weather the storm' to get to the calm waters. However, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and care.

I know you said you have talked to a professional and it didn't work out, too much talking. I wonder though if some sort of family counselling might help. Your daughters and wife may not know the effect their behaviours are having on you and the way it is making you feel. Some individual counselling might help you find ways to express to them how you are feeling and also express how their behaviour makes you feel.

I find 'I statements' are a good way to express my feelings.

It's sounds like there has been a pattern established where you get the fallout of all their feelings and I wonder what your wife's role is in allowing this to continue. (something to think about) and how she could be a support or back-up to you when these things happen.

Happy to talk if you want or need to.

Tired of caring anymore

Nothappyuni — Tue, 28 Dec 2021 01:42:53 GMT

Hey Speckonaclover, thank you so much for getting that off your chest- Thank you so much. That is my life 2 years ago- carbon copy, bar I had girl and boy. I let my wife take her bad days out on me from the start, the kids grew up to do the same. Like you I knew it would be my end if I did not leave; I left, this same time two years past. No matter what I did nor how much money I brought in- nothing was ever good enough and I was always at fault. The argument over you watching Youtube took me straight back to me watching Netflix and being told I had to get off as it impacted my son's gaming (he spent 9 hours plus a day on Fortnite). The last year I kept a log of all the things my kids and wife did and said, something I recommend to everyone in the same position. I was lucky too, I had a doctor that cared. Strength to you Mate.