topic My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕 in Relationship and family issues

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Mandeth — Tue, 09 Jan 2018 20:24:15 GMT

I’m broken....so many emotions ! I’m so angry at my son, but I’m so worried about him. I’ve raised him and he’s become a monster. He’s only 21. But I still love him

He’s done some really awful things to some innocent people. There was a police search for 3 days and now he’s in remand. It’s where he should be, but it’s breaking my heart.

Drugs, Anything he can get his hands on or smoke. Thinks he’s invincible.

Raised in a normal (whatever that is) family home. Happy married parents, 3 siblings that function well in life, good education incouraged, but rebelled again it, rebelled against everything. Always loved and offerd support for his obvious struggles, with trying to function in adolescent life.

I feel like we missed something, I don’t understand why he’s so angry and needs to block everything out with drugs and inturn has lead him to a life of crime and violence.

He has a 8 month old daughter, our granddaughter, that he’s never met 😕

My baby boy is going to jail and I can’t do anything about it, I can’t protect him, I know he’d be scared and I can’t help him, it’s killing me 😕😕😕

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

demonblaster — Tue, 09 Jan 2018 21:46:22 GMT

Mandeth thankyou for posting & welcome to bb

Im very sorry this would be ripping you

So often kids do drugs that come from loving supportive families

It's clear to see you have strong love for him & understandable you being angry & so hurt

I'm listening anytime you need to talk

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Doolhof — Tue, 09 Jan 2018 22:33:28 GMT

Hi Mandeth,

Welcome to the community here. I'm really sorry to read your story. It is very hard to understand why a person who seems to have everything to live for, and has a loving and caring family can turn to drugs and find themselves in so much trouble.

I'd like to direct you to a thread called "Sadness, grief and regret over sons incarceration". Recently there has been a Mum expressing similar to you and July, the lady who originally started the thread has recently reconnected with the thread.

If you read through some of the thread, hopefully you will gain some insight and helpful advice from past messages on the thread.

Is it possible for you to get some support for yourself through all of this? Can you see a counsellor? Maybe there is a support group of some kind near you that could help.

Hopefully you will feel supported here and can find help where you are as well. Do you have family and friends there supporting yo through this or will you keep this news away from people you know?

Thinking of you and your son, from Dools

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

bindi-QLD — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 19:27:42 GMT

Hi Mandeth, I only wanted to add that I've known of a lot of sociopaths and drug addicts who came come from loving, happy families as well. Some I knew personally. I also used to be part of an online support group for family members with sociopathic relatives. For parents of socipaths, it is by far the hardest. I can understand how painful it is for you.

It may help to know, in spite of what we see on TV and in movies, sociopathy is usually genetic, not anything you did, or could do. Most people I met in support groups shared the opinion that you can absolutely love your relative, but a `safe' relationship with them would need to be kept at arms length, and very detached.

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

geoff — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 19:46:59 GMT

hi Mandeth, from what you have told us I am really sorry to know that your son is where he is and that he has an addiction, it must be heartbreaking for you, I would be no different.

I'm sure he has been brought up in a loving family, but it doesn't take much for any adolescent to be convinced that there is an easier way to cope, whether it was his mates or someone outside of school who has just asked him to try something out of the ordinary, especially if he has been having a terrible day.

A large majority of parents do raise their children with all the love and care they deserve, all it takes is just one small problem to go wrong that may encourage them, and once that happens, it continues.

I am truly sorry because he maybe struggling inside, but we have to try and open that locked door he is hiding from everybody.

I have to apologise because most of this had been written quite early, but I had to leave and for that I'm truly sorry. Geoff. x

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Capybara — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 20:48:40 GMT

Hi Mandeth,

Sorry to hear you're going through this. My brother spent 6 months in prison (and 6 months on parole), also an ice addict. It's incredibly hard to see a loved one go behind bars and my feeling was that it would either be the best or the worst thing for him. In my brother's case, there were some positives - for one thing he got clean and he didn't try to access anything while inside, and we also had some of the most honest conversations we've ever had when I visited him in prison.

The prison system is pretty demoralising and he'll probably need a lot of support from you and his family and friends. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call to him - important that he knows you're all there for him if he's going to choose a different path going forward.

I'm here if you have any questions.

Take care.

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Bethie — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 21:20:08 GMT

Prior to getting clean and sober i tried Ice. It is hell. I'm not a violent person but it made me want to fight. Luckly i knew what was going on so stayed away from everyone. Now with 17 years sobriety it seems like a life time ago. With addiction i often explain it to people by asking if they found a majic pill that would stop everything they are feeling just for a while would they take it? Well thats how dependancy works.

My husband was in and out of jail as a heroin addict for years before we met. Luckly he has only been back once in 19 years now for a minor matter only 3 months.

Try to encourage him to do coarses while he is inside. It is all free. Sadly drugs are easilly availble inside and people get out with huge debts so they need to resort to crime to pay them back. If your son wants to get clean he needs to do either A.A or N.A while there. It will give him support and a degree of safety. $20 or $30 a week is plenty to put into his prison account for extras

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Guest_7403 — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 05:31:44 GMT

Hi Mandeth,

I don't usually post but thought i would considering im an officer at the remand centre.

ICE unfortunately is too easily available in the community, and highly addictive.

Obviously remand is somewhere you don't want to be, but it is a good time for him to dry out as he most likely couldn't on the outside.

I work closely with youth inside, there are options and programs he can do if he's willing to make that change. Caraniche, anger and mood management programs.

Jail can either go two ways for a first timer, it can scare them senseless into making that lifestyle change or they can make friends and become better criminals through networking.

Its really up to the individual and whether they want to change

Regards

An officer with empathy

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

demonblaster — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 07:21:24 GMT

You post & empathy's appreciated borderline

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Mandeth — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 07:50:50 GMT

Thank you Capybara

Im trying hard to stay positive, but also struggling.

I’ve never had anything to do with jail or how the system works. They not telling me much due to my son being over 18. Struggling to even have contact with him, he’s refusing to talk to me at the moment and I’m told to just be patient and he’ll contact me when he’s ready. I’m presuming he’s going through withdrawals currently.

I feel so helpless, just want to let him know I’m here for him 😕

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Mandeth — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 08:04:14 GMT

Thank you Doolhof

Yes I have a lot of family support and a fantastic husband, but he’s also struggling. We both trying to support each other, but also hating seeing each other struggle, such a roller coaster. Both trying to work and function with a days normal routine, Plus we have 3 other children, the youngest only 11. Trying to support them and helping them understand why there brother is being so awful, watching them be angry and sad.

Yes have also seeked some local councilling, which is good and yes feels good to ‘let it all out’ but then have to come home and back to reality.

I just want to feel that I’m helping him and then work on everything else later

Feel so helpless !

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Mandeth — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 08:09:49 GMT

Thank you !

Just so heartbreaking ! I’m angry with him, but I’m also so very sad for the way he’s living his life.

Trying to understand why 🤷‍♀️

Trying to understand how the drugs change someone so much.

Just want him to be happy !!!

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Mandeth — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 09:00:04 GMT

Thank you !

Yes I just don’t know which way he will go 🤷‍♀️

He’s never admitted he has a drug problem, thinks he has it under control, but he obviously doesn’t. He’s never had a job, no licences ect

Says he hates ‘junkies’ but he injects anything into his veins he can get hold of, but says he’s not a junkie. Professionals have told me he first needs to acknowledge he has a problem, before there’s any chance of helping him.

Also don’t know how long he’s sentence will be 🤷‍♀️ Sort of hoping he’ll get enough time to get ‘straight’ and start to think clear and take advantage of what help is offered....but has major anger issues and am worried he’ll just stew and come out even my determined to live his life ‘the way he wants’ his words 🤷‍♀️ And yeah mix with the wrong people and just learn more awful ‘tricks’

But killing me to say I want my son to be in jail 😕

But it’s not safe to have him out 😕

Thank you gives me hope that there are people in the system that do care 😐

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Mandeth — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 09:13:29 GMT

Hi, having trouble finding the thread you’ve suggested...is there an easier way than scrolling through them all ??? Please

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Guest_7403 — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 09:13:56 GMT

Jail has a way of sorting the hardened criminals from the pretenders...

Depending on charges, first timers have a high probability of being bailed at court...drug court rehabs are also an option.

Given its his first time and his charges aren't that serious there's more leeway for him

If you have any queries about the prison and what you need to know let me know

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Bethie — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 09:17:33 GMT

I know in Queensland there are support groups to help families adjust to a family member incarcerated. Not sure about other states though sorry. It can be scary going into a remand centre first.

Your son first time will be segregated most likerly. That's what happens at Wacol with first timers. They also get seen by a phc for a full evaluation. I understand it is hard but right now he will be safe and get whatever help he needs.

We are all here to help you as long as you need us.

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

demonblaster — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 10:05:00 GMT

Sadness, grief and regret over sons incarceration".

Mandeth if you put this in search bar on top R) of page

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Guest_161 — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 13:59:30 GMT

Hi Mandeth

Sorry to hear about your son, its only natural of a mother to feel and think the things your saying, i was a partner of an ice addict who was in and out of jail , the times he got out and relapsed back into that lifestyle i couldn't wait for him to go back in.

As mentioned above its up to your son which way he goes, ice is also accessible in jail too.

Im guessing he must have done something serious to not get bail straight away? or he was on bail and breeched?

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

geoff — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 18:41:58 GMT

hi Mandeth, with any addiction the person has to admit that they have an addiction before the help they need can be administered.

What this means is that once he is released that he shouldn't see any of mates again, easy to say but hard to do, however he maybe determined not to himself.

The scare from being in remand might be strong enough for him to stay clean, you really hope so and so do we, plus any further drug programs he can attend when he is released will help him.

What you say 'I want my son to be in jail' is because you know where he is and not on the streets, so please don't punish yourself, we are here for you. Geoff.

My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕

Mandeth — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 08:22:42 GMT

Hi, thanks everyone for your words of support ! It does help

On top of everything else, I had a car accident last Friday, just what we needed. Wrote the car off 😬 but luckily I got out with a couple of nights in hospital, a few bumps and bruises and my sense of cravity is ‘up the putt’ due to doing a full flip in a big 4WD. But I’m on the mend and back to reality.

My big boy went to court today and it has been adjourned till the 6th Feb 🤷‍♀️ The system is so frustrating. So back to remand till then....I think, not sure if he’ll go to the big prison😬

I didn’t go to court, I wanted too, but thought he may react badly to me being their. I think he would have deep down like to have seen me their, but his way of dealing with emotions are with anger 😕

I have to go pack up his rental house tomorrow, will be heartbreaking. One good thing and we always praised him for it, he had kept a roof over his head for nearly a year (had been homeless at previous times) and had paid his rent. Normal for some, but huge in his drug fueled life.

So we get on with life, put our fake smiles on our dials and get through another day and wait and see what happens on the 6th 🤷‍♀️

Thanks again xxx