topic I don't belong in Relationship and family issues

I don't belong

Misplaced — Fri, 05 Jan 2018 10:51:34 GMT

I'e always felt a little different to everyone else. Always tried to do right, even done wrong, to fit in but never actually achieved it. I've never had a place where I belong.

Im meant to be getting married this year but I just never feel good enough. I never feel like I'm doing the right things or doing them as best I could.

My partner left for a walk tonight, two and a half hours later I call him to see where he is, playing poker. I had a terrible day today at work and not feeling good about myself, and he knows this. I must not be worth very much if he decides to go do that instead of help me through this.

I just feel worthless! I' an embarrassment.

I don't belong

blondguy — Fri, 05 Jan 2018 11:33:25 GMT

Hello Misplaced

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too. It takes a lot of strength!

As per your post its not your problem that your partner is playing poker. I dont have any idea how to play the game but if your partner chooses poker over you then its his loss...not yours.

I have some friends and family that dont have the strength to post on the forums Misplaced. That is also their problem.

I have been here for two years after being made redundant and just looking for some people that also felt like I did. I never expected to be here two years later

You are far from being an embarrassment Misplaced. You have had the core strength & ability to write a post from your heart. That makes you amazing

The forums are a rock solid and judgement free zone where you post as many times as you wish 🙂

There are many gentle people that can be here for you too. I have always had a feeling deep down that I dont fit in as well Misplaced......You are not on your own here in any way

We are here for you

Paul

I don't belong

MsPurple — Fri, 05 Jan 2018 12:14:30 GMT

Hi Misplaced and welcome to the forums

Paul (blondguy) is right. It takes a lot of courage to open up on the forums. I myself have gotten some really solid advice from the forums. We are a good bunch of non judgemental people

I want you to know you are not worthless and not an embarasement. I feel this way when I am really anxious or when my depression isn't doing so well. It is a horrible feeling to have. But with the support of my gp, psychologist, friends and family I can get through it. Yes sometimes my friends and family let me me down, but I try not take this personally. Many of them don't understand how difficult and cripilling these feelings can be. Have you seeing a gp about how you have been feeling lately? I am glad I did as I was referred to a great psychologist who has helped me out a lot. It is also good to talk to someone I don't know and it makes me not worry about me putting things on them (they chose that profession).

I want you to know you are not worthless and you do deserve love and happiness like everyone else

I don't belong

geoff — Sat, 06 Jan 2018 18:46:25 GMT

hello Misplaced, I'm sorry for what has happened, of course it would upset you and would make you wonder whether your finance is going to be right for you.

I know that if I ever did this to my ex wife when we were dating, it would have taken me months for her to overcome it.

It's not that you should feel worthless or embarrassed but he has some answers he needs to make to you, why poker outweighs you and how you are feeling. Geoff.

I don't belong

MissBenthos — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 04:13:33 GMT

Hi misplaced,

We all want to feel a sense of belonging, it feels awful to be on the outside. I can't think of any advice to give right now but I can talk about my own experience and maybe it can give you some ideas, or your situation could be completely different to mine but here goes...

Growing up I felt I never belonged anywhere. Even with people around me I felt alone and different and so I was always searching for someone, someone who had the same interests as me, someone who "got" me, someone I could talk to about things that I cared about. I palmed off anyone who didn't have these traits and in hindsight I wish I hadn't. I actually did meet someone who I could relate to and that was amazing - the problem was that I became very clingy and when this person left my life it was crushing! It was years later before I was able to seek professional help.

I'm still to this day coming to understand myself better. One massive change I've had is not expecting others to be the same as me - accepting all types of people as friends even if we're different. I'm not perfect so I can't expect other people to fit this "perfect" ideal I used to seek. Through accepting others I have come to accept myself more, I have stopped expecting unrealistic things of myself. I've allowed me to be me - flaws and all which has felt quite freeing.

Part of my personality is that I'm highly sensitive, and for such a long time I perceived this as a bad trait with comments like "you're too sensitive" or "you're too nice". I felt the need to hide my real self when in reality I just needed to find the positives in it - I'm a great listener, I'm kind and compassionate, I have a deep love for arts and I put in everything I can into making the world a better place. What's so wrong with that?

This is my favourite quote:
"It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

I'm sorry to hear about your partner prioritising other activities over you. Is this something you can talk to him about?

Remember his actions are his own, him not being there for you does not mean you are worthless.

I don't belong

Tearsfall — Sun, 07 Jan 2018 04:49:08 GMT

Hi misplaced,

i can relate to you. My partner i know he loves me yes but he makes me feel like he would rather be drinking with his mates "ill just have a couple "(dozen) he has a medical condition i help as much as i can. He abuses his body doing this. I struggle through my physical pain to help him . I am a helper but feel my kindness gets abused

You do what you feel is right for you . Have you tried talking to your fiance?

I don't belong

NomzieG — Sun, 14 Jan 2018 21:52:06 GMT

Hey,

I feel this way on a daily basis. It truly feels horrible.
My boyfriend says things that makes me feel useless or questions what i do.. he has trouble understanding Mental Health.
As a child, going to school and home life was hard. Had no friends, was bullied bad and had problems with Mum being abusive.
As an adult, things haven't changed much. My family is so judging and hates me and still to this day, i have no friends.
I still ask myself where do i belong and why am i hated so much. I'm not my mother.. so why am I such a loser in life.

Chin up, I know its hard.

I don't belong

MissBenthos — Sun, 21 Jan 2018 03:15:02 GMT

Nomzie, you are not useless 😞

I don't know what your relationships are like with these people but if they are making you question yourself it's not a good sign. If you're not already talking to a therapist about this please try to see one, you deserve happiness!

I don't belong

NomzieG — Tue, 23 Jan 2018 00:12:51 GMT

Thank you MissBenthos for your kind words. I do talk to someone but its been a long road.

I wish all the best for you! Thank you.